Paying on dates – early on and in a committed relationship


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This topic contains 29 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  Sylvia 5 months, 3 weeks ago.

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  • #798414 Reply

    Sylvia

    Thank you! Very good and sound advice. He doesn’t have a good character like I thought he could just sweet talk sometimes (talk is cheap) and make gentlemanly gestures.
    I’m a bit of afraid of emptiness/new relationships that go nowhere but at least I know myself better now. Also felt alone when with him. It was just a few weeks – about 7 – but he made it sound so serious from the beginning.
    And oh my.. I’m so tired of players but I’m so eager to feel excitement again! (from sports and everything!)

    #798645 Reply

    Lane

    Please stop buying BF’s! Let THE GUY take you to the ball game, pay for hot dogs, drinks, etc. have a good time and thank him…that’s it!

    BTW, I’ve never had a guy tell me “yours is this much” probably because they know I would make a scene such as “you asked me out and making me pay!” No, I’m not joking because I would haha.

    #798843 Reply

    sylvia

    Thank you, Lane. I’d definitely do the same from now on. Do you offer to pay or treat it like a non issue? :)

    #798859 Reply

    Lane

    I have NEVER offered to pay. When a man asks you out, its on him to pay, period. I don’t ask men on dates so I don’t ever pay haha.

    When I was dating online over seven + years ago, for the first *meet and greet* I always made it a public place like a coffee shop (my preference) or a local pub for a quick drink and that’s it as I believe the first introduction should be brief as you pretty much know if you want to see him again or not within 10 minutes. If I arrived early because he was caught up in traffic or running late I *might* buy a coffee/drink until he arrived but that was it. If he arrived early, which was a bulk of the time, he paid, period. [Note: I usually arrived earlier to scope the guy out first to see if I wanted to actually meet him or run away as I learned you can’t trust online profile’s as most didn’t fit the pic/description and I refused to meet a deceptive man].

    This was how I was raised. I refused to get into this new modern dating crap game that’s been going on the past decade or so. I got offline and went back to old school (my generations way of dating) which is how I met my partner who paid for every date until we were in a relationship, where I chip in here and there. He still pays for 90% of our dates three + years later where I’ll TRY but he says “no I got it” lol.

    #799416 Reply

    Sylvia

    Thank you Lane! Way to go!
    Small update – he turned out very cheap indeed and I was supposed to be in awe of orange juice. He refused to pour my female friend a glass of wine because he’s that cheap or as he explained to me that the reason for this was that she didn’t greeted him, just nodded her head – it was a busy show night! For me it’s tacky and classless. That’s how he was raised and in his character. He also questioned her bf any my friend nazi-style about his job. I had to intervene because it’s not a job interview but a nice evening. My friend was clearly uncomfortable. So he has a mean side to him. We were incompatible from the start.
    NOW THE REAL PART. we broke up via WhatsApp which was not how I wanted to go but things escalated. I told him our expectations are different, that I can’t pretend any more that I like what he does, that I don’t appreciate orange juice as much as he thinks. He answered very little, I.. went on.. I said maybe too much but.. so many guys ghosted me, wanted to get it off my chest and give him a closure as to why.
    So basically told him that after a few months just a few kisses is strange and our relationship would maybe work if we’re 12. I accused him of being asexual and cold. He didn’t reply. I wrote “I’m sorry if I was harsh, you’re very intelligent but socially not as much”.
    Was it very wrong to tell him the truth? How much do you tell when you break up?
    Btw, I’m free!

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