new guy and long distance texting? what's the point? what do I do?

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This topic contains 14 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  Anne ohio 1 year, 6 months ago.

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  • #556275 Reply


    I met a guy from tinder about three weeks ago, he was only in town for the weekend and we just had some drinks at a bar and a kiss goodbye. We have kept in touch since then and for the first two weeks we texted everyday, but this week it has been every other day and I have been initiating most of them. When I initiate he always promptly replies and is chatty. He originally said that he wanted to keep in touch and he was very attracted and intrigued by me. Even though he is still chatty I wonder why he has stopped initiating the conversations and being proactive about showing his interest.
    I’m not sure what he wants. Just Sex? He wasn’t pushy or even suggestive about it when we met. We have done a bit of sexting since then and have thrown out the suggestion of meeting up again but no plans have been made. Does he want to get to know me or possibly have a relationship? Or is this just a bit of texting fun for him? our conversations are a mix of flirty sexy texts and chit chat.
    I really like him on a lot of different levels, I would be happy if this turned out to be some casual fun or if it developed into a relationship but I’m nervous about appearing too keen or desperate. I’m not sure if I should continue initiating the text conversations – has his interest in me waned? Is it a turn off if I keep sending messages every other day when I don’t hear from him first? I always have trouble negotiating the line of showing interest and appearing cold. Because I’m afraid of coming off as too keen I distance myself and come off cold or the opposite because I worried about being cold I end up looking desperate.
    I was the last one to suggest we meet up but I dont know if he took me seriously or if he just thought I was being flirty. We live about 4 hrs away from each other and he is going to be very busy the next two months. I really want to see him again before that, should I say something again? This is the most excited I have been about a guy in a looong time. I really want it to go somewhere, anywhere, just as long as it doesn’t just fizzle and die!

    #556276 Reply


    Hi Sarah-I am sorry to be a downer but this is a non-starter. He lives 4 hours away and is backing off his contact. Most of all, he has not asked you on a concrete date. You can text him if you like ( I wouldn’t) but really, nothing is going to come of this.

    #556281 Reply


    It already fizzled.

    If you are initiating all the texting, he has pretty much moved on. He will probably keep your number in his phone in case he wants company, while next time in town.

    Why would you meet a man just visiting your town? Just curious. It seems like a waste of time to meet someone who lives 4 hours away. Most men visiting and using Twitter to meet women are looking for a casual hook up,or temporary company for a day or two.

    #556282 Reply


    4 hours apart …?
    What outcome are you wishing for…

    Aren’t there any guys closer?

    #556285 Reply


    The only think you know for sure is he backed off communicating. That means he doesn’t want to pursue this further. It’s probably nothing to do with you, the distance may be an issue. Be careful not to just rely on the internet to meet guys. A ton of people online lie about who they are and what they’re looking for. Plus, online is a magnet for flakes.

    #556287 Reply


    Yes, it is a turn off to text him everyday,

    You are chasing him.

    #556300 Reply


    Why just why would you want to go after a guy who is 4 hours away? Why get yourself into something that is already a problem right from the start? We talk about it all the time here on this forum. So you met a nice guy, talked to him a little, why do you get stuck on him? There are local guys, leave this one be. It is a no go. Long distance guys – don’t even talk to them. Focus on guys that can be a good fit potentially using realistic common sense criteria.

    Long distance, married, recently divorced or separated, work together, big age gap either way, big social gap either way, big gap in education either way, religious differences if both are religious and in different ones. Make sure you focus on guys who don’t clash with you on any of those.

    #556357 Reply


    He said he wanted to keep in touch, not build a relationship. You only met once and I imagine he just saw it as a one-off distraction for one evening. Leave him to initiate. But I think this will just fizzle out.

    #727278 Reply


    I’d like to premise this post by saying I apologize on behalf of the previous comments. I’ve been there before (literally talking to someone who lives a 7 hr plane ride away… across the ocean) and receiving all that negative feedback can be a downer, even if it holds some truth.

    While this post comes a few years too late, I hope it comes to you in good health and hopefully with a hot new man by your side. I really enjoy your positivity and interest in making things work. Wishing the best for you always- gen

    #727280 Reply


    Hi Gen,

    Are you still talking to this guy from the other side of the ocean? what is your story with him?

    #732143 Reply

    Annie Parker

    I’ve been talking to a guy who lives all the way in South Africa and I live in Arizona, we met on Tinder but never in person. We text everyday, with both initiating, face time, send pictures and sexting. I enjoy the attention he showers me with, but my question is why does he continue to pursue me, if we go a day with out texting he will send me a text or ask why I’m so quiet? I’ve asked him what he wants from this and he said he has no expectations… then why is he still contacting me??!! Help me in understanding his intentions, when I did ask him, he said he is very picky and that he finds me very intelligent and likes me, yet he doesn’t have any expectations… he also asked me if I would move there to South Africa it it worked out between us and I said yes, but maybe he was drinking when he asked me that???…

    #732150 Reply


    South Africa?!
    Cut to the chase & send him all of your money now…

    Why are you engaging with this catfish…

    #732175 Reply


    Under NO circumstances travel to South Africa as it will be declared a failed state in six months time. Don’t you know that murder and other serious crimes are through the roof there?!
    South Africa is getting all set to go the way of Zimbabwe with hyper inflation and profound civil unrest.

    #732213 Reply


    He wants you to move to Africa if ‘all works out?’ All what? You have a big checkbook?

    #732232 Reply

    Anne ohio

    He likes masturbating and it’s easy to find someone like you for that.

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