My boyfriend sometimes embarrasses me in public?

Have you talked with him about this when you’re not in a bar?

What is his relationship with money?
Does he try to control you in other ways?

Are you engaged?
Is he saving for your goals?

Sounds like he has issues that you may or may not have talked about together, directly. But what he’s doing with these comments is a bit passive aggressive. Like this is bothering him but he’s not able to talk to you directly about it, so he makes snarky comments in public where he feels like embarrassing you will get his point across

Sounds like you guys need to have 2 talks: 1 about finances and the 2nd one about him making comments about stuff that bothers him — that’s a really bad habit and communication pattern and you guys will want to nip that in the bud before bigger problems come to play.

The two of you have been together for 3 years, you’re planning a future together and he is the “one” for you. I also suspect if you two hadn’t been drinking this wouldn’t have escalated into a fight. As with me and my husband there are sometimes he can make comments and they don’t bother me at all and I laugh them off or rib him back and other times I’m not in the mood and it hits me wrong.

I expect this was one of those times for you. You admit buying a round of shots for your friends is something you do often. Shots aren’t cheap and depending on how big a group of people and how often I can see how he might see those habits of yours as negative when you want to save for a wedding, a house, a family. I think the fact he was right is what bothered you most. Because you say only one friend could have heard and she didn’t seem bothered or maybe didn’t even hear so in reality he’s not embarrassing you in public if no one else hears it.

The reality is, you may not always have a great job. You could get laid off or decide to work part time or even decide not to work when you have children. I think what he said hit a nerve with you because it was true. You don’t need to buy shots for your friends for everyone to be having a good time. And then when he made a comment about you drinking slow that was really nothing but it just added on to the fact you were already annoyed with him and you let it escalate.

I do think you’re overreacting because I don’t think in a few weeks from now you’ll even remember this incident. I don’t think it would hurt to tell him to refrain from saying those things in public because you would never call him out in front of his friends. Explain if he has an issue to pull you aside to talk about it. But if you make a habit of going out drinking in public and doing shots often then sometimes drinking brings out the worst in people.

If you can’t come up with any other examples of him embarrassing you in front of your friends in 3 years then I think this was a case of the truth hurts. And the two of you need to get on the same page financially to have a future together. Fights about money are some of the most common.

Geex… They’re not engaged yet & already y’alls planning her divorce?!

I would say,

“next time you have a negative opinion about what I say or do, when we are out with our friends or in public, kindly keep it to yourself, and we can discuss our ‘issues’ privately.”

Wow. It’s not ANY of your business how this person wants to spend her money. She wants to buy shots for the group? A w e s o m e. As she said, she has a JOB and feels SECURE about her finances. If she were spending your or his money, y’all and him would have a point. As it is, it’s just him being tasteless and rude and controlling. This is his bad. Don’t let people control you. This is your life, and if you have your $ in order, you work hard for your money and should be able to do as you please with it.

Like you guys don’t spend frivolously or buy toys? I bet he does, too. This is hypocrisy because YOU don’t think ‘shots’ are a good expense…But who asked you??? She asked about his tactless/rude behavior.

Leslie T- I couldn’t give 2 sh@ts as to how she spends her money!! The point is the man she plans to spend the rest of her life with has a problem with it! And actually being able to understand things from the perspective of your boyfriend/fiancé/husband is a key skill to learn. It helps not only in a relationship but in life!!

In my business understanding the perspective of the other party you are dealing with and what they want is crucial to closing business deals. It’s the difference between a successful business and a failure. It’s the same with relationships, seeing the other parties perspective creates empathy and understanding. Maybe you should try it sometime.

Crisula to me it sounds like they were both drinking and she got her feelings hurt. She’s not even sure the ONE friend who MAY have heard him even did! How can he be embarrassing her in public if the “public” doesn’t even hear him???

If this is the only example she can give in 3 years then it’s not a very good one. And picking on her for drinking slow doesn’t sounds very “ominous” to me either. If this is all she can come up with then she’s making a mountain out of a molehill.

Thanks everyone. There are more examples of saying embarrassing things to me in public but they were either not a big deal enough for me to remember now, or I was maybe overreacting. I’m a very sensitive person so honestly things get to me pretty easily. But overall I just want my bf to be a reflection of me (and I think I’m a laid-back, nice, fun person) so when things like this happen I worry what others think of us.

Agree that there are some underlying financial concerns that are coming out in the wrong way, and we’ll take that issue in private.