My boyfriend admitted he hates me

Hi.

Don’t you see how DYSFUNCTIONAL this is? You are a co-dependent and continue to hang onto a man who has lost all love and respect for you. Why are you so hung up on this man? Its NOT LOVE because true love is kind, respectful, safe, and secure—none of which you have.

You really need to get some professional help to find out why you cling onto men who are not in love with you. There’s something in your upbringing that has taught you this is OK, but it is not—its emotionally draining and kills all self-respect, self-worth and dignity you may have once had.

Accept you are not good together, break all contact and wean yourself off him as your ADDICTION to this man is destroying you. He’s your heroin (drug) and need to kick this bad habit through some professional help and guidance or you will never have a healthy and happy relationship with yourself or any man as your warped thinking and acting the way you do is like carrying around baggage the size of an elephant! FIX YOU or the damage you continue to do to inflict yourself with this man will keep you from finding the very love you are so desperately seeking.

Sorry, but I agree with the advice. You can’t be dragged along unless you want to. You said you broke up after a year so honestly you were free to sleep with whomever you wanted to without him being able to get mad.

After some time he wants to commit because he doesn’t want to lose you to someone else. That should be a totally fresh start. The fact that he “hates you” for moving on with your life during the break you were taking shows extreme immaturity. Doubtful he’ll ever see the light that you did nothing wrong because you were over at that point.

To stay with him is to have him constantly erode your confidence and self worth. Break all contact and get him out of your life. You deserve someone who loves you, not hates you! 😘

Here is your problem. It’s takes two fully committed people to make a relationship work. So you choosing to ‘pursue’ this relationship doesn’t mean much if he can’t get past whatever issues he has. You both need therapy and probably couple counseling if you are serious to make this work. Neither of you have strong boundaries, communication skills, conflict skills and more importantly a solid sense for why you even want to be together,

Healthy relationships are not on and off. You aren’t dragged along in a healthy relationship. That’s an excuse .. you chose to hang in to a man who frankly sounds totally not committed to being with you over the long term. But because you keep hanging in there, he will take what you have to offer and give very little back to you. Which is why I say you can’t pursue something if the other person isn’t also 100 percent in.

I wish you could read what you write objectively and think about what advice you would give if it was written by someone else. From the outside looking in, it’s exhausting, sad, and totally dysfunctional. Like Lane said, it’s very likely you grew up in an environment where there this was normal so you think this is how relationships work. Sometimes we replicate what we see and other times we recognize dysfunctional avoid it. I grew up in an environment where I saw parents and sibling couples always arguing wit each other, I mean brutal verbal knock down arguments. Then they would go silent for while and a week or a few days later act like nothing happened. And then this pattern would continue for years. I realized how stressful, abusive and crazy that behavior was and learned early in this was NoT how I would be in any of my relationships. I read and learned how that kind of behavior erodes trust, self esteem and any love that existed. You just end up being together. And many times hating each other. There comes a point where you can’t unring that bell.

Anyway, good luck. This doesn’t sound promising at all and sometimes we just have to learn on our own the hard lessons. I would have thought four years of this would have been enough, but sounds like it will take more hurt to wake you up to reality. Hopefully a good counselor will help you understand.

Boy oh boy.

You want to keep a relationship with someone who “hates” you for things you have done?

Wow. What a obstacle!

Sounds to me like you do not discern healthy and unhealthy.

The only reason you would attempt this is if you blamed yourself….so you do not forgive yourself and expose yourself to someone who does not forgive you either.

Where there is lack of forgiveness there is lack of love.

Forgiveness is a part of loving and the belief in a brighter future. And you are asking to stay in the dark….I cannot accept that as a basis of any relationship.

You asked us not to preach about the overall relationship, so i won’t.

A lot of things have happened. i think this is probably too big for you guys to tackle on your own. if you are both serious about getting through this i would recommend couples counseling.

How has this situation turned out? I’ve come across this topic searching for answers myself. I appreciate any response on the matter.

It’s reasonable for him to be hurt, it’s reasonable for him to be angry. It’s ok for him to say, I hate that you did that. What isn’t ok is holding those feeings against you or dumping them on you. There is no amount of you apologizing or being understanding that can make him get over his feelings. At the end of the day he has to work though it himself and if he is taking it out on you in anyway that isn’t love and is a very disjunction all road of pain. Best of luck to your situation.