Multiple dates he hasn't made a real move

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This topic contains 8 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  Erin 2 weeks ago.

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  • #881259 Reply


    I matched a guy on a dating site and turns out he works at the extreme sports place I attend a few days a week.

    I won’t mention which sport. However it entails coaching and being on site for 5-7 hours.

    We agreed we’d have a coffee and he flirted a little over text after we first met. Due to work I didn’t have a date with him for 2-3 weeks. During this period we worked together on sports activities. He comes across confident at work, but one on one less so it seems, now I get to know him.

    During the 3 weeks he’d sit close to me where possible, hands and arms touching, lots of eye contact or we would sit and chill together. He doesn’t spend this time with other girls and I don’t with any other staff.

    We went out last week and he came to my house, we cooked food and laid on the couch, he would cuddle me, hold my hand but didn’t try any kissing. We slept in the same bed, again cuddled up and he held my hand and kissed me good night. The next day he said next time he would cook.

    The next day I dropped him at work and he kissed me on the lips, not a French kiss but a hug and kiss.

    We worked together again at the sports place and he text saying he enjoyed it and asked if I wanted to do something to do with our sport mid week. I said yes.

    Yesterday we chatted and went out together to a local nature park, we got beers and laid on the grass for hours, then he had plans with friends from work (some who I’ve met before) for dinner, he invited me along and after kissed me goodbye in front of his friends then text goodnight when he got home.

    Tonight, we drove for 2.5hours each way plus the activity. After I offered for him to stay at mine but it was midnight and he had work at 8am. So he asked to go home. Again he hugged and kissed me goodbye.

    He mentioned us going there again together.

    Again in the car there was moments of touching, like passing drinks, changing music, giving me food. Never grabbing my legs or anything like that, but just points where you wouldn’t need to touch someone but he did.

    I’m just so confused. We’ve spent probably 70-100 hours in each others company 40% of that alone outside of the work / sports place

    He seems very shy with making a big move, like he seems confident at work flirting, but when out in open space things like grabbing a hand or making any real moves doesn’t happen.

    I don’t want to rock the boat by asking if we’ve been on dates or are we friends.

    I’m just unsure why someone would meet you on a dating site and then continue to spend time with you like this and kiss you goodbye especially Infront of his friends from work etc.

    What could be a good way to discuss it without making it awkward at our sports place ?

    #881277 Reply


    Please, no more slumber parties & don’t discuss this at the sports (work) place…

    Maybe he’s a gentleman?
    Maybe he’s not sure if you’re vibing with him?
    Maybe he thinks it would weird to make a move on a ‘customer?’
    Maybe he’s waiting for you to plant one on him?

    Ask him when you’re out together…

    #881290 Reply


    I see absolutely nothing wrong with what he’s doing! This is how its suppose to be honestly, getting to know each other where believe it or not but men bond OUTSIDE of the sheets, not in them! It doesn’t sound like you know what proper “courting” is but he’s definitely courting you, which is a good thing!

    If I were you I would continue to let him lead; allow it to flow naturally, the way it is, and stay away from romp land for awhile longer! He’s bonding with you emotionally v. sexually, which is a good thing! :o)

    #881421 Reply


    Dated a virgin once… He acted just like this.

    #881494 Reply


    Thanks Raven. Your questions have kind of summed up my confusion lol. I guess I’m just more used to a vocal guy who expresses his feelings a little more clearly, and I thought I’d made it obvious I liked him, maybe not.

    And Lane, thanks, I’m not saying it’s wrong, infact if he is spending time with me because he is interested in me, then I’m totally happy with how it’s going. I just want to know that’s the case. If he’s not and he just sees me as a friend, I’d find it hard to form a genuine friendship with someone I’m attracted to. And so far I’ve met him thinking it’s not a friends thing. It just doesn’t feel like dating in comparison to others

    I’ll just have to be the courageous one and ask next time we spend time together (if we do).

    I just wondered how’s a good way to put it into words without creeping a guy out ?

    #881506 Reply


    I think this all sounds positive and his actions are entirely appropriate. It seems more than a ‘customer’ thing – he has stayed at your house. I would go with the flow if I were you and just let him lead. He is bonding with you outside of the bedroom- that can only be good. Nothing wrong with you stepping up the flirting with him when alone.

    #881556 Reply


    Jenny, say nothing! Relax, and just enjoy the time you spend together! Let it flow naturally, as he will let you know, when he feels safe, or has bonded enough, to do so. Get out the *insta relationship* mindset you are in. Chill out. Don’t start peppering with him questions, he may not know the answer to yet, as its still too soon, and could very well ruin it pretty quickly. Its not a race but a journey—enjoy the journey! :o)

    #881633 Reply


    Okay, message received 😆

    Guess when you meet someone on a dating app and they seem quite forward over text initially v how they are alone, it just caused my mind to overthink.

    #881686 Reply


    Of course people are different online than they are in real life. I find that most people are mellowed down in real life, online everyone is free spirited, outgoing, confident but a lot of the times it’s just a persona.

    Like the other ladies said, just let him lead and see where it goes, maybe he wants to get to know you as a person first.

    Let’s say he’s not that into you, it’s still a win win situation because he’s not wasting your time by using you for sex ot creating a false sense of intimacy so don’t sweat it.

    Go with the flow and let the chips fall where they may. He doesn’t sound like a game player. Don’t pursue him or do his job for him. Believe it or not,when it comes to dating most men know exactly what they are doing and don’t need help.

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