losing a potential interest & i want to get him back


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This topic contains 4 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  T from NY 1 week, 6 days ago.

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  • #788310 Reply

    Lee

    i know this isn’t necessarily an ex but i would like some advice on how to get a potential (like/love interest?) back.
    i met this guy a few months back at an event and we really hit it off. he apparently showed major interest and we went on multiple dates several days in a row. we don’t live in the same area and i was only in his city for a week but he said we can talk and text anytime and to let him know when I’m coming back into town. the whole time apart, which was about 4 months, we would talk, text, and catch up like once or twice a month; sometimes he would initiate first or i would and we always had fun convos. fast forward, i came to his city and and we met up again. it was like picking up where we last left off and had so much fun while i was in town. but the day before i left i wanted to see if we could hang out one more time but he was kinda distant so i didn’t really push it. and for a couple of weeks after i thought i would hear from him but never did. a few weeks turned into a month i still hadn’t heard from him so then i decided “ok if he wants space or whatever then so be it.” i never texted or called him and to this day its been about 2 1/2 months since we last spoke. we really like each other and we have the mutual friends who told me the same thing. its the first time I’ve liked someone in SUCH a long time and kinda opened up to him as well. now I’m all confused and i don’t really know where i stand. all i know is i still really like him and i feel like i also missed out on having something good starting because we’re very much alike and different in many ways. i want to reach out and see how he’s doing (given what’s going on in the world) and possibly start things up again? but i feel like if i do, he’ll see me as the crazy needy girl who just won’t leave him alone (cause i feel like all guys think this way 🙄). am i crazy for thinking and wanting to do that? is it a dead ting?

    #788311 Reply

    T from NY

    The point is —there are very few men who are up for sustaining a long distance relationship! It takes a lot of investment and attention. The men who don’t mind are usually better than average communicators and are HIGHLY interested, therefore motivated and willing to put in the work.

    This is not that guy. You said that he had a chance to see you a last time the last time you were IN his city and he didn’t take you up on it – and has been quiet ever since. Men speak with their actions. They also fall in love in your absence. He is clearly showing he’s not where you’re at.

    But take heart! It’s natural to miss the last connection you felt. Women should never feel bad for having feelings, especially pleasant ones like a crush or affection. It means your heart is open for connection. But don’t confuse feelings with facts. Just because you feel a certain way means you should act on it. If he isn’t motivated to keep in touch and explore something in the honeymoon phase of your meeting and dating – odds are really low be able to be the partner you deserve. Live your life. Get busy continuing to love yourself and another spark will take his place. It’s pretty guaranteed.

    #788314 Reply

    Newbie

    You had a fling that didnt get much of a follow up besides some texting. So i dont see much perspective to build on. Best way to spark his attention is to date other men once its possible to do that again. Once they know you moved on, they sniff it

    #788317 Reply

    redcurleysue

    Men are like cats – you cannot chase them down. If he wants you he knows where to find you = date others.

    #788320 Reply

    T from NY

    @redcurleysue – Haha! I’ve never heard that but it’s true! Men are like cats! – speaking to you if it pleases them! It’s so lovely to learn to be good to yourself and wait patiently, but decisively, for a man who chooses to shower his attention on you.

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