Home › Forums › How To Get My Ex Back › losing a potential interest & i want to get him back
- This topic has 6 replies and was last updated 3 years, 11 months ago by
mell.
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Lee
i know this isn’t necessarily an ex but i would like some advice on how to get a potential (like/love interest?) back.
i met this guy a few months back at an event and we really hit it off. he apparently showed major interest and we went on multiple dates several days in a row. we don’t live in the same area and i was only in his city for a week but he said we can talk and text anytime and to let him know when I’m coming back into town. the whole time apart, which was about 4 months, we would talk, text, and catch up like once or twice a month; sometimes he would initiate first or i would and we always had fun convos. fast forward, i came to his city and and we met up again. it was like picking up where we last left off and had so much fun while i was in town. but the day before i left i wanted to see if we could hang out one more time but he was kinda distant so i didn’t really push it. and for a couple of weeks after i thought i would hear from him but never did. a few weeks turned into a month i still hadn’t heard from him so then i decided “ok if he wants space or whatever then so be it.” i never texted or called him and to this day its been about 2 1/2 months since we last spoke. we really like each other and we have the mutual friends who told me the same thing. its the first time I’ve liked someone in SUCH a long time and kinda opened up to him as well. now I’m all confused and i don’t really know where i stand. all i know is i still really like him and i feel like i also missed out on having something good starting because we’re very much alike and different in many ways. i want to reach out and see how he’s doing (given what’s going on in the world) and possibly start things up again? but i feel like if i do, he’ll see me as the crazy needy girl who just won’t leave him alone (cause i feel like all guys think this way 🙄). am i crazy for thinking and wanting to do that? is it a dead ting?T from NY
The point is —there are very few men who are up for sustaining a long distance relationship! It takes a lot of investment and attention. The men who don’t mind are usually better than average communicators and are HIGHLY interested, therefore motivated and willing to put in the work.
This is not that guy. You said that he had a chance to see you a last time the last time you were IN his city and he didn’t take you up on it – and has been quiet ever since. Men speak with their actions. They also fall in love in your absence. He is clearly showing he’s not where you’re at.
But take heart! It’s natural to miss the last connection you felt. Women should never feel bad for having feelings, especially pleasant ones like a crush or affection. It means your heart is open for connection. But don’t confuse feelings with facts. Just because you feel a certain way means you should act on it. If he isn’t motivated to keep in touch and explore something in the honeymoon phase of your meeting and dating – odds are really low be able to be the partner you deserve. Live your life. Get busy continuing to love yourself and another spark will take his place. It’s pretty guaranteed.
Newbie
You had a fling that didnt get much of a follow up besides some texting. So i dont see much perspective to build on. Best way to spark his attention is to date other men once its possible to do that again. Once they know you moved on, they sniff it
redcurleysue
Men are like cats – you cannot chase them down. If he wants you he knows where to find you = date others.
T from NY
@redcurleysue – Haha! I’ve never heard that but it’s true! Men are like cats! – speaking to you if it pleases them! It’s so lovely to learn to be good to yourself and wait patiently, but decisively, for a man who chooses to shower his attention on you.
Cc
I’m in a similar situation to you right now. I messed up with a guy after a few dates and he said he needs to cool off on the situation. Now I’m stuck between wanting to text him and not coming to off crazy. Funny how guys can triple text a woman and everyone just says they can’t handle rejection but when a woman does it we are seen as “crazy”. Okay rant over. Anyway, I think that if you have nothing to lose with this guy….text him. I mean why live with regret? I would rather know I set everything out onto the table and then he can decide what he wants. And if it’s not me then sweetie I’ll move onto the next one. I think you’ve given him a considerable amount of space and I don’t think sending a “hello” text would hurt anything. My guy friend once told me, if a guy is being distant and you’ve given him space, text him normal and see how it goes. If he isn’t feeling the convo or leaves you on read then you have your answer. Hope everything works out! Xoxo
mell
If you text him, he’s not going to reply. If you feel you must do it, then do it, but I don’t think it’ll change anything. You’ll just be like the people who write in after they wrote that ‘Hello’ text to find he went quiet on that conversation and didn’t want to meet up.
When a man you’re dating disappears for months, that is your answer. It really is that clear cut. Afrer all, YOU’D never ignore a man for months if you were interested, so why would yuu hope he secretly loves you eve though he’s blanked you for months. He’s not been vague. He just ghosted you.
Besides, you dated -what, maximum 8 times, if that? It’s early enough that people might not feel they need to explain if they weren’t keen. It’s great that you had feelings for him and had lots of fun, and it really sucks that he ghosted you without much of an explanation.
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