Just a small(‘ish) rant…

I can see it that way too. But I do also find it insulting that – instead of asking what it is I’m looking for there’s an invite to make a 2 hour round trip during a small window of free time to hookup. I just think there’s a better way to go about it. Maybe I’m old school but I wouldn’t have handled it that way.

Fact: I barely even know this man
Fact: I have no right to set any expectations about a romantic future from a virtual stranger
Fact: it’s best to find out early where someone’s head is relationship wise before time is wasted
Fact: I won’t be losing any sleep over this one for the reasons expressed above

But also a Fact —

We as women have the right to expect to be respected. To NOT be asked by a virtual male stranger for a mid day booty call out of the blue. We as women have the right to be insulted by dirtbags who direct this behavior toward us. We need to start holding men to a higher standard and not giving them a pass every time they act like pigs.

You know, I’ve just reread your first post. I bet when you first responded late on Thursday night he got some overly excited ideas in his head afterwards, even though you were just being courteous and responding before the day was over.

I think you’ve had a lucky escape actually. This is who this guy really is at his core, but you’ve just found out sooner than might otherwise have been the case had you not texted late night Thursday. You’ve been saved a lot of wasted time and energy.

This is definitely a very good thing! (Even if it is ludicrous and unexplainable weird on his part.)

A, I’m sorry for the situation you’re currently in and the misery this guy is causing you. It’s unfair and it’s ruining your whole life.

You definitely deserve more whether you’re secure in yourself or not.

I think at some point you’re going to realise, its talking to him that’s making me more insecure. He is the source of the problem in my life.

Then when you start talking to other guys, just to check if a different world exists outside of the narrow misery this situationship is causing, you’ll see that you have lots (LOTS!) to feel secure about.

Once you see how other guys like talking to you too, how attractive you are in the eyes of others, and how there are guys out there that would give anything to have a woman like you in their arms…. You’ll notice that it’s the situationship that is insecurity and unhappiness and misery.

A, I bet if you started to count all your positive attributes, all the things you like about yourself (and you’re proud of), all the good you do in the lives of others, even all the benefits that this guy is getting from you (and I don’t mean just sex obviously!), you’ll see just what a wonderful catch you are.

You’ll notice that you prefer even spending time alone, than talking to someone who disrespects you by taking the most precious things you have, your affection and your love and your body, and gives you so little in return.

A, no matter what little affection this guy gives you, ultimately he’s stealing everything you are from your future boyfriend and husband, the guy out there, who will fully step up and show you how much he values you.

You know, I’m imagining you writing an update post here in the future bursting with happiness, saying, everyone guess what?! My new guy just proposed to me and bought me the most amazing engagement ring!
And I’m imagining you admiring your hand with this glittering diamond adorning it. And then your new fiancé comes up and slips his gorgeous arms around your waist and hugs you from behind saying with a smile on his lips “are you going to tell them where we’ve booked to go on our honeymoon?”…..

A imagine this too! You can have this! This will happen to you! And your future husband will be the real deal, a man who is smart enough and wise enough to know what he has when he has you.

And he will treat you with respect and kindness and love and even though, just like every other couple you may have things that you see differently, all the things that really matter, you will be aligned on. Your differences will bring you closer because you believe in each other and you see how your lives are definitely happier and richer because you have each other.

A let yourself dream. Look beyond this current slither of life, this unhappy situationship, that really is nothing at all. Beyond this, in your future, even with all the sexy other guys you’ll meet before you discover your future husband, there is so much fun and joy and excitement and happiness out there waiting for you.

It’s waiting for you A, is all out there just waiting for you….
And HE’s out there waiting for you! Your real future boyfriend-fiancé-husband…. Even as we talk, he’s probably out there telling his buddies right now, where is she? Do you think the kind of woman I’m looking for is out there?

He’s wondering about you! And dreaming that he hopes he gets to meet you soon…

Don’t make him wait too long A! Your future boyfriend-fiancé-husband needs you!

I don’t undrstnd why u got mad or felt insulted simply bec a stranger wanted to hook up. This is sooooo common. Maybe he misundrstood. Or maybe he just tuk a chance that you also wldnt mind a hookup. Atlst this cleared this up for you. Block and dnt bother.

Yeah i truly still didnt get it…
so many men these days if they fancy a woman and want to hook up, they just straight out ask. Its not like he knows u well or vice versa. He tuk a chance and asked. But u dint want to. So u said no. Thats that. Why wld u be insulted abt a stranger askin if u wana hook up??

Tammy, if it’s okay to join in your conversation (🤞) when it happened to me, it was because he wasn’t a complete stranger. We’d had some interaction already and things were beginning to warm up. I’d shown him a little of who I was inside, and I’d been very respectful to him and his feelings also.

For him to take that and interpret it as, well I don’t want to date you, but you’d be okay for a bang…

And the way he put it across to me in particular… (he didn’t use those exact words of course, but like Rina, it was tough to interpret it any other way).

It just bewildered me and shocked me. It was so out of line with what was happening and my expectations or what I thought was happening between us.

I found it upsetting and hurtful and insulting, and all the more so because I genuinely had liked this guy. Giving him my time and attention and offering of friendship and potentially more, was an extension of that and a compliment I was paying him.

It felt like he was saying I was worth very little.

I know – I shouldn’t have felt like that because his behaviour was a reflection of the kind of guy he was. It’s just that I did feel that and it was really unpleasant.

Rina and even A’s story, remind me that it wasn’t until I built myself up and reminded myself of who I am and what my standards are that I started to feel better.

And the guys immaturity and low level of intelligence (in the context of anything that matters to me) started glaring out to me like a loud-blaring beacon. It’s amazing to me that I ever found this guy attractive from day 1 and I had overlooked small things that I wouldn’t normally settle for.

I eventually better understood the quote my cousin sent me:
“Choose someone who chooses you.”

But anyway, thanks both for letting me interject with my own mini-story! 🙏 it’s cathartic to share! 💛❤️

😘🙏😊❤️

Rina 🙏💛😊

*and move on

Thanks Mary. I wholly agree with what you’ve said regarding recognizing and moving along. But I do wish to point out I didn’t ask any follow ups re: the dinner date nor did I respond to any of the selfies/mundane texts until he sent the one about coming over and I asked for clarification. I’m not a chaser and I’ve always been of the mindset that if a man wants to see me he will make the move and effort. If he doesn’t – he isn’t worth my attention. Me ultimately responding to the invitation to drive down to see him for a few hours was really just me making sure I understood what he was saying correctly and not just making assumptions. Either way, certainly not invested emotionally or otherwise. I just wanted to make a quick post/vent a bit about what I perceived as poor behavior from a (prior to this week/weekend) potential new guy. It was just interesting reading everyone’s perspectives about this type of interaction which is why this post has now gone on for so long. Like I said, no time spent communicating with or dwelling on this guy since I sent my last text. He’s been blocked since.

Owning your own experience and response: wow, what a silly man, on to brunch with my friends, or read a book, or watch a movie.

Not owning your own experience and response: why oh why did he do this heinous thing, this man I don’t even know, he should act exactly as I want him to so that my emotional state stays centered. Men on online dating try to get sex, what??? How can that be when we spoke for 10 days by text, he seemed so nice the first few texts.

Choose who you want to be. I choose the first. I am not affected by random strangers and I sure don’t attach meaning to it, first rule of dating is the 0 f$cks rule of dating. He ain’t real until he is acting and asks you to be his girlfriend.

Hi Rina,

My comment was in regard to you asking what his schedule was for the weekend? In future dating, you want to only accept the date and not push by setting up the actual date. Otherwise, it could be perceived as being needy by a guy. Good girl in blocking him.