Is this a toxic relationship?

Hello. Looking for some advice here as there are always 2 sides to each story.

I’m 27F. Have 2 brothers, Bob (29) and John (22). Growing up all through teenage years I adored my Bob, follow him around, looked up to him. He was the Star child, family and relatives all adore him. Done well in school too. I on the other hand didn’t do well in school. Poor academics and got into lots of trouble in school. It’s was in my last 2 years of high school, I excelled and went onto obtained a prestigious degree/ uni and currently going up the ladder in my professional career. High Salary. I met my BF at uni and been together for 3-4 years now. My BF doesn’t earn as much as me but I’m fine with that, I’m quite happy to be the higher earner. BF is kind and very supportive and laid back whereas I’m a schedule/ plan/ stress girl. Yin and Yang.

Bob started hating on my BF as he doesn’t earn as much (disapprove as he doesn’t meet the ‘criteria’ or checklist) and over these 3 years grown bitter towards me. Bob tried to sabotage my relationship and break us up multiple times. I therefore had to keep BF as a secret and have little contact with Bob. I was staying with Bob for a few months to save rent but he was horrible to me. Bob criticised my cooking, way I dressed, way I do laundry, amount of times I do laundry, throw my scent candles I got for Christmas etc due to the amount of drama and criticism I was getting, I stayed in my room (tiny box room) most of the time after work. I honestly was scared of him. I looked forward to days where he’s not there so I can have friends/ BF over in secret. During the time I was there, I found out Bob had a camera positioned at his room near the front main house door. One time I went in his room to get a plaster, cut my finger, he wasn’t in the house but he knew I was in his room. I felt so uncomfortable and felt so trapped like I couldn’t go out or have people over. After much drama and a massive toll on my mental health, I moved to another rental place and now bought a house for myself.

Bob and I live in the same city but only little communication. I cut off most communication. I never/ rarely ask him for help but he had contacted me a few times to ask for help (lost key, advice, family logistics etc) because he’s my brother, I help. Secretly I hate him but at the same time I also feel guilty and pity him for being such as sad and pathetic person. Again Bob (Non home owner) had criticised me for being stupid, dumb and no knowledge of mortgages/ property market when I’m the one who’s a home owner. He acts like he has lots of money, act like he’s very knowledgeable, spends a lot on expensive hobbies (whilst I’m trying to budget, plan, and prioritise). I stayed silent throughout and let him take the ‘stage’. I furiously reminded him once I earn more than him and earn double what most girls he was flirting with earn so stop putting me down.

Bob called me a slut few times in front of my parents because I was friendly with a few guys friends. I was friendly to them not because I was flirting but because I want to blend in, be sociable, and look out going (I’m an introvert, rather stay home to study, work on my career, or read a book. Social situations makes me v tired). My BF knows this and is fine. Supports me on that, we are extremely honest w each other. But then Bob has dated nearly 8-10 girls in 1 year and bragged about getting chased by so many girls (he’s trying to get a GF). I normally stay silent but deep down furious bc it’s so unfair. Bob can flirt with a bunch of girls whereas I can’t (even though I didn’t).

Recently my little brother John got a GF and Bob instantly dislike her and tried to break them up. Again same story, she’s cheap, not up to standard and saying all horrible things about her. Putting John down and John is scared drama with him. Bob has no respect for my BF and Johns GF.

I suppose what I’m asking is there are always 2 sides to a story. I always reflect on myself and ask am I doing something wrong? I don’t think so but again I wonder am I really stupid? When I see him at family dinners/ Christmas, I go round in circles of I’m right, I’m wrong, I’m right, I’m wrong and and he looks at me in a weird way (gaslighting, sarcastic look). Why do you think he’s acting like this? I’m honestly saddened by this. I don’t know how to act around him any more. I feel this is a very toxic relationship and he’s mentally/ verbally abusing me. Is this classed as domestic abuse? He’s very manipulative and I try not to talk to him because he has the power to make me doubt myself and lower my confidence. Staying away from him is the best decision I made, I excelled and feel better about myself.

He doesn’t have a GF yet but I feel a strong urge to tell his future GF this is what he is like, avoid at all cost.

Thanks and sorry for the long text!