Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › Is there something wrong with me?
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Owen.
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Owen
So recently I’m going thru a breakup and I have thought to myself a number of times, is there something wrong with me for feeling like this…?
Things between us did not work out this time unfortunately. She messed me around and all the usual, unintentionally but it happened. I know that I could not of treated her better If I tried and all the rest of it. Deep down, I also know that it is very unlikely she will find someone like me again. That is not a confidence-boosting statement or anything like that, It’s just how it is – therefore that is not up for discussion.
However, even though these things happened, I still am so attracted to her? I still wish things between us could work out? If you asked me for advice on this situation and it wasn’t me, I’d say forget about her and move on. But as it’s me in the situation, it’s different.
I know I deserve to be treated better, I know I deserve 100% commitment if i am willing to give 100% commitment but I still find myself attracted to her.
Maybe this is because how recent this is, but I don’t know why I still feel about her how i do? Maybe it’s because this is the first woman I’ve been so emotionally attached too.
I don’t know. Maybe I just need time to do it’s thing and sort me out.
alia
Nothing is wrong with you and I’m sorry you’re going through a breakup. You seem to have a good healthy response and thoughts. Feel your feelings and grieve and you will see that in a couple weeks your pain will be less and less. Sit with it. Then as time will go by you will be healed and then one day you will meet someone who will take you as you are.
Owen
I just wonder why I feel so emotionally attached to her still even though what has happened isn’t fair on me? Like I say. I know I deserve better but still have feelings for her. We had everything bar a few things which were red flags. Those red flags are important but i also worry If I will find better in future.
Maybe I am overthinking things, I do have a tendency to do that sometimes.
alia
Sometimes when we overthink something is when we try to work through an issue from the past, from our upbringing, and we tie it with this person because the feeling they give us is similar to family. We are trying to fix the past.
K
Alex… is that you again? You can’t post using different names.
First loves are special and extra hard to let go of. No, there is nothing wrong with you. You’ve put her up on a pedestal and made a goddess out of her and you just don’t want to let that image go. It’s not her. It’s the idea of her you’ve created you’re still holding onto. It’s time to get to a counselor who can help you work through this so this experience doesn’t shape your future relationships and negatively affect how you relate to women from now on. Some men get really messed up over a woman and it takes them years to recover… if they ever do. Don’t be that person. You deserve a lot better. Go get it. Only you can take control of your mind and your life. This girl isn’t worth it. Don’t turn on yourself and blame yourself. We’ve all been with at least one person in our lives who we stayed with too long and built up into more than they were and tolerated too much crap from. You’re not the only one. Just learn from it. The longer you stay away from her the more time will erase this episode.
Owen
This is not Alex.
Nevertheless, i love your advice! Elements of this may be true. I probably have created an image of her and think there will be no women better. I know I deserve better, i just need to let time do it’s thing and hopefully soon I’ll feel better
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