Is that normal for a new relationship


Home Forums Dating and Sex Advice Is that normal for a new relationship

This topic contains 18 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  Ss 3 weeks, 4 days ago.

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  • #796366 Reply

    Kelly

    I have been dating this guy in March, we started off exclusive relationship. Me and him live in Texas, then he went back to Boston for vacation. End of June he texted me we can be official after he came back from Boston. But he never asked me in person. I asked him about he told me he has to interview people at his work for his new project. He wants to finish his project first then ask me about it.

    There is something about his past relationship that he needs to tell me. His old Instagram popped up so I saw his old pictures with his ex, he was married with his ex on his old Instagram which he stopped using it. We see each other on the weekend but he rarely sees each other during the week. He is very busy for his work and I am busy too. But we also rarely talk or text. When we see each other, everything is great and perfect. When we are separate during week day, we don’t communicate as often. Is that normal for a new relationship?

    #796376 Reply

    Liz Lemon

    You found out from his Instagram that he was married? He never told you?
    You rarely talk or text when you’re not together, he claims he’s very busy, and you only see each other on weekends.
    Are you sure he’s divorced? Honestly it sounds like he’s a married man having an affair.

    #796377 Reply

    Liz Lemon

    And to answer your question, no, I don’t think what you describe is normal. In a new relationship, people should be excited to get to know each other. He should want to talk to you and text you if he is unable to see you during the week because of work. He should also be honest with you about his previous relationships and the fact he was married. So something seems very “off” about this situation.

    #796379 Reply

    Kelly

    Hi Liz,

    Yes he is divorced. He and his ex broke up. You are right about if it is a new relationship , he should be excited to text me. Should i bring up what i saw on his Instagram ? Last week i was going to ask him but i don’t know how to initial

    #796382 Reply

    Liz Lemon

    So let me get this straight. He told you was divorced, right? You talked about that? Did you find his old Instagram from online snooping?

    If he didn’t tell you about his Instagram, but you found it from being nosy online, I wouldn’t mention anything. It’s normal to check up on new people you’re dating online, I get it. But if you basically stalked him and found the info, it will be weird to bring it up. Just leave it alone.

    This, of course, is assuming that he had an honest discussion with you about his divorce, and you were just curious/nosy and searched for him online and found old photos. There’s no reason to bring that up, if that’s the case.

    #796383 Reply

    Newbie

    You can ask him about the ex but just seems like the top of the iceberg here. What matters here is that you accept this guy as your bf without him acting like one. You have to ask yourself why you settle with so little.
    – he asked in a text to be bf/gf but never referred to it in a real convo. Do other people know he has a gf?
    – you see him once every weekend which is not a lot
    -the part about him interviewing people so he can tell you someting i dont understand at all . But Lets just say you have no clue of what goes on in his life.
    – and Yes he forgot to tell you he was married. He could have left out kids as well Or other Marriages.
    Stick up for yourself here

    #796384 Reply

    Newbie

    Liz i know we can get along but when i weigh:
    – leaving out an ex wife when you know the guy since march versus – snooping online
    I think the first is a bigger offence plus everybody snoops online even guys. 😄

    #796385 Reply

    Liz Lemon

    Oh I agree Newbie! I think it’s fine that she snooped online. I think that’s totally normal with a new boyfriend. I was assuming that the boyfriend had told her about the ex wife and the divorce, and then she found the Instagram later on when snooping.

    If he did not tell her, and she found out from Instagram, I would say that’s an enormous red flag! I don’t actually understand very well what the OP is saying.

    OP, did your boyfriend actually tell you and confirm that he is divorced? Or did you get this info from Instagram? Those are two very different scenarios.

    #796388 Reply

    Kelly

    Liz,

    I wasn’t stalking on his Instagram. When he added me on Facebook, it was randomly showed up his Instagram on my account. I clicked into his Instagram to see it. I wasn’t snooping his social media . I felt like he was giving me a work excuse to not to talk about it.
    He never talk about being divorced. He is not typed of guy would date a girl while he was married and never have a honest discussion with me being married before.

    #796389 Reply

    Kelly

    Newbie,

    I wasn’t snooping around his Instagram, it was showed up when he added me on facebook. He used to use Instagram but not anymore. His friend know he has a gf and he called me his gf too but never give me an affirmation. And I don’t understand either i use his work as an excuse because he is trying to avoid to tell me his past relationship. I don’t think he has a kid because he doesn’t want a kids.

    #796397 Reply

    Liz Lemon

    He never told you he was married?! Then how do you know he’s actually divorced? You’re just assuming that. You have no idea if he’s divorced or not.
    How do you know “he’s not the type of guy to date a girl while he’s married” if he has never even told you about his marriage?

    A guy who isn’t open about the fact that he was previously married is hiding something huge from you. Can’t you see what an enormous red flag this is?

    #796400 Reply

    Alice

    Kelly, I hate to break it to you but this guy is no good.

    If he hasn’t told you he was married before and is now divorced, he’s absolutely hiding things from you!

    Also, if his Insta is still showing up and you can view it, that means he STILL has Insta. You only don’t have Insta if there is no account to be found or view.

    Something tells me this guy is prob just separated from his wife (at best). I’d prob ghost him if it were me.

    It’s one thing to date a guy who says he’s currently separated (I wouldn’t but some choose to) and it’s another to not even know that he was ever married and you have a label of gf/bf.

    Yuck! This guy is just YUCK!

    #796403 Reply

    Amy

    Apart from being married or the divorce (How he handled the situation to you seems a bad sign), I feel that your relationship with him is too “polite” and he sounds distant. Of course, I don’t know the context well.

    #796405 Reply

    Amy

    *with you

    #796415 Reply

    Kelly

    Hi all ,

    Thank you for your advice. I really appreciate it a lot. I think I will just ghost him from now on

    #796437 Reply

    Ss

    Its odd not to mention he was married and he might still be married. How do you even know he was married? Have you just assumed?

    He isn’t giving a lot yet wants to be official. An ex was like that with me and within a couple of weeks i was fed up and thinking of dumping him. I mentioned his odd behaviour to a friend and she did some digging and found his wife’s facebook account with a very recent pic of her with my so called bf. He wouldn’t even admit it at the time i found out and confronted him. He just ghosted me only to keep popping up and telling me i was wrong and he’d explain. He hasn’t ever really explained aside from that they are separated but she can’t let go … i call bullsh*t on that.

    Anyway, my point is this man isn’t acting like a bf and hasn’t told you about (what you’ve assumed) being married in the past. That is red flag… heck its a tidal wave of red flags!

    My advice? Stop being so available. Pull right back and observe what he does because its likely he will make zero effort so then wife or no wife, you know he is a waste of your time

    #796523 Reply

    Kelly

    Ss,

    One day i was on my Instagram, his Instagram account pop up, so i clicked to see. The picture’s description wrote he was married to his best friend. He had a ring in the picture
    How would i stop being available all the time to him ? Thank you for your advice

    #796591 Reply

    Lane

    If a man is keeping you a secret, and spending little time with you, then he’s hiding something! A man who is divorced would tell you that, tell you how long they were together and when the ink dried, as that’s a big part of sharing in the ‘getting to know each other’ stage.

    The fact he only sees you on weekends, and too busy on the weekdays sounds more like a weekend booty call, than a GF. Those who see a lady as his GF, naturally want to spend LOTS of time with her because they can’t get you off their mind; they NEED to see and be with you at least 2 – 3 days a week, more so if they are really smitten. These men also want to show the woman off and what a great man/mate/partner he would make, which includes bringing her into his world by wanting her to meet his friends,/family/workmates, etc., and be apart of hers by meeting your friends, family, etc.

    If there has been no dates, no integration, and no signs that he see’s you as ‘the one’ then its highly possible you may have unwittingly became his mistress? I would get to the bottom of it. Next time you see him, looking him in the eyes and ask him “Are you still married?” Keep looking in his eyes where if they start to dart, he appears to be searching for an answer or trying to deflect it such as “why do you ask?” or “what have heard/seen?” then you know he’s lying. At that point you turn around and walk out the door!

    #796597 Reply

    Ss

    How to stop being available? Just busy! Live your life, make the plans you want to make with friends and family regardless of whether its a day you might usually be seeing him. When you are busy doing your thing he will have to make time to see you. If he doesn’t step up and make time to see you around your schedule then you know he isn’t really bothered.

    The thing with Insta tells you he was married, but he might not have been on the app for ages and not updated his bio. Regardless, he hasn’t told you that he was ever married so that by itself, even if they are divorced is a big concern.

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