Is it wrong to show emotions and vulnerability?

People are not robots. If you can’t show emotion and vulnerability you are with the wrong person.

Is your friend single?

I wonder how that relationship is working out for her.
Be you and don’t take that approach to relationships.

I think with the exception of being a total drama queen, you should be able to express how you feel.

If you can’t open up to your significant other than who can you do that with?

I’m thinking that there are completely 2 approaches: “high-value woman” or whatever they are called in dating site advice would have smiled, said to him that your loss, darling! and walked out… or something like this (and cried pillow wet later if necessary, but never at front of him).

And then was me, with teary eyes and unhappy and probably so far away of being sexy and confident (at least I stayed 100 % polite and without accusations or begging etc)… I was just genuine with my emotions at that moment.

I actually even don’t know, which approach is more right. To show or not to show vulnerability. (For clarification – it was a dating situation between 2 persons who genuinely care about each other, but not in committed or long term relationship).

It is ok to be & show vulnerability…

I would say yes in these circumstances crying is unnecessary. I believe he saw it as a form of manipulation in that by shutting down and showing tears you were looking to manipulate the situation by making him feel bad instead of working through or discussing a difficult conversation like an adult.

I had a employee who did this to me once where I didn’t see her as a 29 year old adult but a 3 year old trying to manipulate me through tears. I told her that crying is a form of manipulation and I’m not going to let her manipulate me that way as none of my other employees broke out in tears when I confronted them with an issue and expect the same of you. She had terrible coping skills that ultimately led to her termination.

Unless you are truly happy (happy tears), being emotionally abused, suffering a major loss, or seriously injured then I see no reason why someone would shut down and cry and would not be in a relationship with someone who did.

P.S.! Love is not a job interview, obviously I had feelings and hopes invested, I was sad and upset at that moment. It was a first reaction.

No normally i can relate to lane but not with this. I can as i think you can mara, start to tear up even when i think its a ploy to get sympathy myself. So i am accusing myself. You are way off here.

I’m going through that now. I’m like your friend somewhat, vulnerability is not my strong suit. However, mines stem from not trusting others with my emotions, so when I feel consumed by them I back away. Which I know comes from being disappointed in the past and only have myself to do the healing and constant ( cause you will always have your own back right?). You are not weak in anyway with how you express yourself. It makes you HUMAN!!! I hope who you express these emotions to can be strong for you at those times to carry them or at least ease them.

No problem, Lane :)

I have one more question about situation which I am thinking did I react overly vulnerable or not. Situation happened in New Years Eve – the guy who I was seeing and who knows my friends was invited to come to NYE party with me and them because beforehand he acted as my boyfriend in front of them and everyone kind of thought we are together. He chose not to come unexpectedly, instead went to another place and as next day came out with another female friend (at that time platonic one, but now few weeks later turned out to be romantic intrest between them). And when he told me that next day over the text conversation he added “don’t stay angry for too long :)”. We weren’t technically committed or exclusive so he could go out with whoever he wanted. But that sentence from him came out as rude for me – day before in the party everyone kept asking where is he and why he didn’t come, it already had ruined my mood enough. I’m sure he actually wanted to be funny and it wasn’t to hurt me, but obviously I took it offensive and I replied something like “I got a bit offended now” (English is not our communication language, so its actually hard to put my answer directly to English – it wasn’t too dramatical “oh you hurt me so much” answer, but definitely it did hurt me a bit and I let it know (conversation was over text).

Doesn’t matter anymore did I do right or wrong with him, but for the future sake I am curious how would you have replied and was my answer too much?

Thank you Newbie for your opinion. Actually I’m not asking it because I think that my answer would have changed the outcome – it wouldn’t. But I admit I don’t know how to communicate rightly sometimes and that’s which I’m trying to learn for a future sake. That’s why I’m asking your opinion to improve.

Guy 1 and 2 are the same guy, situations happened few weeks between. I don’t think he played me and we weren’t committed so he could spend the NYE with anyone he liked, me too. I didn’t assume he is my boyfriend, I knew he could be seeing others. He himself acted in front of my friends as my boyfriend which lead my friends to think we are committed. After the conversation when i said i got offended he called me right away and wanted to clear it out.

This is what I’m trying to learn – not to be a “cool girl” when I actually got offended, but at the same time in dating situations I can’t get mad to a person if he choses to spend time with his friends or even another women. He wasn’t obligated to come with me, although of course I would have liked that.

It won’t change the outcome with him, but those situations happen in dating probably in the future too. I want to learn how to speak my mind without blaming or overreacting, but not also not leaving impression that I am cool or not hurt with a situation when I’m actually not.

Personally I would not even start to be in committed relationship with a guy before I don’t know we are sexually compatible. I have had so many bad experiences where I have found sexual compatibility not satisfying for me, so physical part comes for me before committment talks. Normal guy (with whom I want to end up together) would never make it a big deal did the physical part come before committment/relationship or not. Im not talking about slu…y behaviour (if there even is such thing, we all are different and have different views for that), just a normal behaviour finding out do you even like and match with the person physically. He didn’t sleep with others while with me, it was agreed, dating wise it was not exclusive, we could date others.

I do understand the question but the examples you give are very futile to me, so its hard to draw any conclusions from it. You want to know when you can be rightly offended and speak up so you dont act like a doormat or wrongfully offended because your expectations are too high while the situation (non exclusive dating) makes it weird to be offended. But i think you need other people to answer it, because i still feel this guy wasnt that interested and was showing that at NYE when he went out with another woman. That was the actual sign to move on instead of getting in a situation where he had to dump you a few weeks later. In that case at NYE you could have said the two of you are not on the same page