Is it wrong not to tell him I'm pregnant?

I’m not going to censor myself from giving heartfelt advice. I’ve been on this earth for quite a while now and I have seen a lot of people make mistakes and have made some myself. I would not be doing anyone a favor if I do not say the truth as I see it and give soulful advice that is meant to help. The choice is up to the poster to ignore or think about what we say.

I am sorry you are in this situation.

I do think he has the right to know. It is also his baby….yes, you carry it but the baby has his DNA as well.

It does not matter how it happened but it matters that it did happen.

It sounds like you and your BF do not have a good relationship if you envision him telling you that this is all on you and not taking any responsibility at all. After all, you cannot get pregnant by yourself.

I am sorry you think that is how he would react….but I have a question for you….how do you know how he would react. Yes, people plan their life….but sometimes when they are hit with a surprise they react completely differently then even they thought they would.

For all you know he might even surprise himself and be happy about it. It is fifty fifty as to his reaction….truly it is.

I really suggest you share this with him and let the chips fall as they may…I think it is the mature thing to do in this position. I do not know what will come out of it….but the truth is always best. I do know that for sure.

I wish you the very best at this difficult time.

I’m sorry Newbie but we all have a right to give our feedback. This is public forum and as such we the public can respond as we see fit. The OP can take it under advisement or disregard as she sees fit.

I was in this situation when I got pregnant with my son. I debated on telling the father because I was certain he’d want me to abort.

It turns out that is exactly what he wanted and I even scheduled the appointment but ended up cancelling. I don’t regret telling my ex, because I found out exactly what kind of man he was (one I didn’t want to be with), and I have never regretted having my son as a single mom.he is the light of my life and the best decision I ever made. He is my miracle and has enriched my life in every way. I also didn’t think I was ready at the time. I have never received one penny if child support and his dad is very well off.
But I don’t let other people dictate my integrity. Not disclosing that is deceitful and may haunt you for life. I strongly urge the OP To tell her BF. It is as much his right to know as hers . I completely disagree with the idea of keeping it a secret and I feel I have a right to express my opinion after all I’ve been though.
There is also the idea of giving the child up for adoption

Actually the pill is only 92% effective, but Hannah makes some great points in sharing her experience with you. I’ve been through it too and I’m glad I didn’t keep it because I have no desire to have kids, but I also never would have not told my brother at the time.

I went and got the arm implant, Implanon, after mine. It’s 99.5% effective and stays in for 3 years. Much more convenient and worry free. I’m sorry you’re going through this and I hope things work out for you.

Haha Gemini I’m really glad you cleared that up! Brother would’ve been more than weird!

For the person who said that legal does not make it a right: yes, legal means you got a right to do it. Whether it is morally correct, that is up to each of us.
As for being it a weird thinking to want having children in the future but I don’t dare telling him now: we have both discussed over and over we do not want them now and he even broke up with his last gf because she already wanted to have kids.
For those about me thinking to keep it: thank you for trying. I know it is not easy for some people to accept. I know there is no “perfect timing” in life. But I also know I would not give a good life to the baby. I got a full time job only a Month ago and next year I start my master. I do not really know anyone here and we would not even be able to financially support the baby. I refuse to make a baby grow in a family where we could barely provide him food and a roof and a life full of frustration for not even been able to finish my studies.

As for my man. It is a tricky one and would like to shade some light in the situation as to why it is a dilemma for me.

He is NOT a bad man. I apologize if I have that impression but its more my fear talking. He is the sweetest and has been an amazing bf til now. He even worries if I hint we wouldn’t end up tohether or not having kids in the future.He has been supportive in me moving here and patient. I really have no complaints. But I also know he had a hard life, losing his parents so young (as a child and in his young twenties), had a depression in the past – and he turned out to be someone who does not handle well his emotions or feels uncomfortable with them. I just KNOW (ofc I do !!) That it would hurt him and somehow is not a weight I want to put on him. He is now doing really well in life and it’d be a burden for him to know now this. I do not want to ruin this relationship.

As for it being complicated. I fortunately have a friend here who is like my sister. She had one at 19 and when I commented some time to my bf he said how stupid she was (reason why I said I’m afraid he would say that to m). She is the only one who knows and helps me with the process (I still have not gone to the doctor because of the job).

I do not have the strength to tell him because I know how it’d devastate him and it could ruin our relationship, and I’m not ready to cope with abortion plus a broken heart and loneliness.

I again thank everyone for this. I do not have completely clear not to tell him, I just really can’t find the moment. We are like in the best period ever of our relationship and this would just ruin everything.

To sum up the reasons why not from my part:
1) we don’t want kids now and he has repeatedly emphasized so.
2) I made my decision and whether he wants to keep it, it wouldnt change anything.
3) I believe i can be strong enough to handle this alone. Here in this part of the world they have normalized abortions and doesn’t make people feel guilty about it.
4) so deriving from 2 & 3 – why telling something that it would just create drama?
5) I’m not ready ffor a negative reaction. My intuition really is tell I me he wouldn’t react well.

As for telling him (Yes a part of me also wants to tell him)
1) its obviously his right to know.
2) finding later on would hurt him more.I dont know if he’d forgive me not saying assuming he finds out.
3) It defonitely would help if I want to spend my life with him. A friend of mine told me: you might be very surprised by his reaction. And that it’d also be a “test”to see if its the right man for me.

Not sure how to feel on everything now. I was totally convinced not to tell. Now I simply have no idea

Tonight I’m having dinner with two friends and at least I will be able to vent better.

For the last years I didnt have much luck. And now that things are going well it saddens me to go through this.

I just really don’t know how and when telling him, I’m not ready to lose the relationship if it goes wrong because it was first time things were going cool, slowly and little by little, but still seemed like now things could only go for the better.
I just feel the moment I want to tell him I will just cry and not being able to articulate a word.

Finding out you’re pregnant is a big shock so take time to consider whether to tell him. It doesn’t have to be straight away. Talk to your friends and make sure you’re comfortable with your decision.

My main bit of advice for you right now is to get to the Dr ASAP. The longer you leave it, the less options are available to you.

Would you want to know if he was pregnant and planning on aborting your child?!? I assume that’s a yes. He is the FATHER. That makes the baby his child too.

And dear.. please rethink your decision. I am not judging..but I was a teen mum.. I got knocked up my sophmore year of college when I was 18 at a frat party. I kept my daughter and finished school. I had no money, no family, no help.

Melania

To answer your intitial question…I think you should have this discussion with your BF. Youou should not be afraid to talk to him about a subject so sensitive and important especially if your planning a future with this guy. He should have been the first person you called and spoke to. The fact you are hesitant speaks volumes of your relationship or at least of your view of him and assumption of how he may react.

Despite the fact that it happened even though your on the pill and not ready…is what being in a strong relationship is about. Solving problems together and being able to confide to the person your with. If he was to get angry and blame you then thats a problem. You may be surprised and he may agree with your decision or he may come with a solution …but your not giving him that chance if you dont speak to him about it. I am concerned as to why your so worried.

Many years ago I got pregnant from someone who I did not see a future with I told him but also told him my decision. I have regretted it ever since but at least I told him. I thought he would be angry but he wasnt and he said it was up to me. I have 2 daughters now and I am not with their father…he too was not ready when I got pregnant but I was not going to do that again. He loves his daughters more than life itself. My first pregnancy was very difficult as a result of the abortion.

I am a big believer that things happen for a reason….you may not be ready for a child now and the truth is we never are. It is a big responsibility and there are so many other alternatives…adoption.

It may get difficult if you tell him you don’t want to keep it and he does… Then if you guys can’t agree, I guess do what YOU want- which will likely destroy the relationship. In relationships, there will be MANY struggles and obstacles, tough decisions and disagreements. This is a HUGE thing but throughout life, you’ll have other HUGE things… You should be with someone you can lean on and feel safe with in these moments. Good luck. Also, I’m pro-choice but I advise you to think deeply about this decision… I don’t feel like anyone is ever “ready” really. Your life absolutely changes but maybe that’s not such a bad thing. These types of things end up and are called blessings for a reason- they’re usually unexpected, come with the most intense emotional ups and downs, but end up being many people’s saving grace. I don’t have kids and considering my lifestyle, I’m in no rush but I also take accountability for my actions. The only way you’re guaranteed not to get pregnant is abstinence. With the decision to have sex, comes responsibility… Don’t mean to lecture but just sayin’…