Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › Is it Too Late?????
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AngieBaby.
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Leah
love my fiancé very much. But as I’m learning about relationships and reading about feminine and masculine energies and how a real relationship works, and what red flags to look out for, I’m starting to notice I didn’t see red flags in the beginning that I didn’t see because he and I started out as friends so, I wasn’t looking. But now, I can’t forget them. Like staying over the first night (NOT having sex he was respectful), him not having a place for dinner (but did have an activity planned), and him not planning dates for like the first 1.5 months. I would just go over and we’d have dinner in some crappy place and then he’d drive me home. And him lying about not talking to anyone before I came along. Then lying about his situation with his ex and their children. I didn’t realize how bad the situation was until 6 months in.
At that point I was helping him. But now it’s getting worse and I want out of that situation. At the same time I’m wondering if I was a rebound? I’m wondering if he wanted a relationship with me or I was being used to take his mind off people. Also him mentioning how I have no hips, for no reason, and then a week later mentioning how one of his situationships had an amazing body. He says he’s relaxed when he talks to me. And we were friends before. And I would show him pics of men. But we were dating at this point.
Anyway I’m torn now. Because had I not been attracted to him as a friend and been blinded by other tragedies happening in my life, I probably wouldn’t have been so tied to him as a comfort. And I can see that now. I can see my loneliness, my pain, my desire for a distraction was so strong I was blind to his actions even though people say they weren’t that bad. What do I do now?Khadija
End the engagement, plain and simple. You have moved into a better space and realize that the foundation of this relatinship was based on sadness and desperation. The best version of us yields a better relationship. We seek better partners and run from people who aren’t right for us. Move on now so you can be free to find the love that’s right for you.
Maddie
Lying repeatedly and insulting you so that you’ll feel insecure are indeed that bad. If you no longer want to be in this relationship, end it before you get legally married and it’s even more difficult to separate. It’s never too late.
Raven
It’s never too late.
AngieBaby
What do YOU want to do now??
Why you are concerned about whether you were a rebound or not? What difference would “yes” or “no” make in answer to that question??
I don’t entirely understand what you’re talking about in this post, although I think I remember you posting about this before. All that matters is – do you want to stay in this relationship or not? You’re engaged to marry this man. Do you want to go through with it?? Doesn’t sound like you do and doesn’t sound like it’s a good idea. He’s lied about some major things. Personally, I get away from people who lie about big stuff. If you don’t have trust in a relationship, you have nothing solid to build on. You’ll never be able to entirely relax because you’ll never be able to believe him entirely.
Be totally real with yourself about this man before you say “I do.” If you don’t like the situation with his ex and child now, get ready because it’s not going to get better anytime soon, if it ever does because it may not.
You were bothered enough by these things to post about this. What would you say to a friend who came to you telling the story you’re telling here?? Answer that and you’ll know what to do. Breaking off an engagement is tough, but I guarantee getting a divorce is much tougher. Take your pick, it’s your life.
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