Is he right to be this upset with me?


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This topic contains 12 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  anon 1 week, 4 days ago.

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  • #779757 Reply

    Anna

    I’m back with my ex again after we decided to give it a second try. It fell apart because we had a challenging long distance relationship, but early next year I’m moving back to my home town where he lives too. I’ve just taken a break off from work visiting him.

    In the past, I’ve had some quite unpleasant side effects from using the pill, but as my boyfriend doesn’t like wearing a condom, I decided to start taking this again just before my visit to him. I’ve been staying with him now for a couple of days. Unfortunately, I’ve had quite a lot of bleeding and soreness, so being intimate was not something I felt ready for. He has been asking when I will be ready every day and each time I’ve explained to him that I’m rather sore and that I feel a bit uncomfortable about the bleeding too. What frustrates me is, I’ve explained the bleeding and soreness problem to him so many times now, but ten minutes later, he still asks whether we could just try anyway, promising we’ll stop if it hurts too much. I already know from past experience that if we try, the soreness will be magnified and probably last longer. My second day with him, he said that I couldn’t continue to use the bleeding excuse forever. This really put me off.

    I’ve been using pads for the bleeding, and didn’t want to take off my underpants. He would still go on about taking them off, suggesting we put a towel underneath. He would even go as far as to try to pull them down without asking first, or insisting to remove them slightly which I told him I didn’t feel great about. Last night, it was really frustrating. He insisted we go and cuddle in the bedroom. He again asked if we could give it a try and again I tried to say no as gently as possible. I felt really bad at this point. We ended up playing a boardgame instead. He insisted we play in the underpants. Eventually I went to get a bra, as I didn’t feel so well walking around in just underpants. Immediately, I could tell something was off.

    After the game, I asked him about it. He said that I don’t come over as dominant to begin with, but that I am quite a dominant person in some ways. He brought up how I would rather have a dimly than fully lit bedroom when we cuddle. How I set the terms for when we make love. Lastly, he was disappointed that I put on a bra when he asked me to play the boardgame in the underpants. That I at least could have conferred with him, instead of not saying anything. I’ve never before heard that I’m dominant, rather the opposite, and couldn’t hold back the tears. He remarked how I always cry even if it’s I who have disappointed him.

    He then suggested we go back to the bedroom and cuddle some more before falling asleep. That’s how I understood him anyway. I even agreed to take off my underpants, despite bleeding. He reassured me he was no longer in the mood for anything, that nothing would happen. Then, 10 minutes later, I realized that he wanted to take it further. He said that he thought it was clear to me that we’d now give it a try. When I said that I thought there had been a misunderstanding, he suggested going to bed. What confuses me is, he just recently said that it would be so easy to take advantage of me, but that I was in the right hands with him. Then, he’s called me egotistical when I’ve told him no to things that didn’t feel right for me.

    Now I just don’t know what to do. Apart from this, things has been going so well. I feel like I have to sleep with him today, or I might as well leave. He’s a bit older than me too and of course this was never a problem with any of his ex girlfriends. With them he did it two or three times a day. Is he right to be this upset? What should I do?

    #779759 Reply

    E

    What should you do? Run. You should run. This is manipulation, gaslighting and maybe even abuse. No empathy when you cry? No empathy and understanding for your pain and bleeding?
    Anna, if the pill gives you this much pain, I suggest you stop using it! And I also suggest you drop this guy! Best of wishes to you!!

    #779760 Reply

    Raven

    You need to leave this guy again & for good!

    #779769 Reply

    Better off single

    He feels you are withholding sex from him and making excuses and sounds like he is getting fed up with it.

    You’re probably better off with someone more understanding.

    #779772 Reply

    Ss

    End it. He is being a manipulative bully. Your body, your rules. Period sex is very intimate and you have to feel comfortable to engage in it and he is not making you feel at all comfortable! Orgasms can help period pain and the blood can be a natural lube … but he is being a controlling idiot. Leave him please! A couple of days in and he is like this? Nah

    #779776 Reply

    K

    Is he right to be upset with you over this? Seriously?? That question is so sad. NO. No man has no right to demand sex at all, particularly after the woman has explained it will cause her pain. A guy who insists after being told it hurts is a class one d-bag. Sounds like a narcissist. He’s gaslighting you. You need to get out of his house and break up with him and never look back, and learn that you have an absolute right to set boundaries for who touches you and when.

    #779780 Reply

    Kalyn

    At best, he sounds like a spoiled man baby. At worst, a manipulative narcissist. If the pill give you that much trouble and you can’t use any other methods available to women, I would insist on condoms if someone wanted it that badly. He wants what he wants, isn’t willing to sacrifice to have it but is fine with your discomfort and sacrifices.

    #779787 Reply

    Newbie

    I do understand his frustrations and he might not get how birth control can make you sore (i dont really understand myself either). So him saying youre making excuses might be a bit true? Im just asking if there are issues of feeling uncomfortable for you?
    But that said, his behaviour in asking every 15 minutes and keep pushing for sex does make him sound like a big child. Manipulative i dont know. He is a happy puppy who wants to go. I dont feel you are compatible if you didnt find some ways to be intimate without doing the deed and both enjoyed it

    #779790 Reply

    Khadija

    That post made me cringe.
    I would pack my things and leave.

    Does he not understand no? You’ve told him countless times you don’t want sex. He has no regards for your boundaries.

    What confuses me is, he just recently said that it would be so easy to take advantage of me, but that I was in the right hands with him.

    This comment here is just a big red flag. Its a warning that if you don’t comply he may in fact rape you.

    Please stop seeing this man NOW!

    #779793 Reply

    Tallspicy

    Ok. This guy sounds pretty aweful. That said, sex is important and in a long distance relationship, more so. While I do not abide by him being so pushy, I do understand his frustration. You should time your visits so you can be intimate. But, most likely you should drop this tool.

    #779811 Reply

    kaye

    The fact he has actually told you he never had this problem with his ex girlfriends and was having sex with them 2 or 2 times a day is manipulative!!

    My ex husband was this way. Always pushing for sex every day and being a big baby and a jerk if he didn’t get his way! I certainly don’t miss that! Never realized how non-compatible our sex drives were until I met my husband. Even if I say no, or I’m not in the mood he doesn’t take it as a rejection to him personally like my ex did. And he wouldn’t be bothering or pushing me 10 or 15 minutes later if he knew I didn’t feel good. My ex husband was such an @ss it’s like the worse I felt the more it turned him on to try to make me!! Your guy doesn’t sound any better.

    There are a lot of alternative birth control methods to the pill and condoms. So many all you have to do is google them so I won’t go into it but certainly there is a better solution for you. And I can’t believe your guy would say you are using the bleeding as an excuse. He has no compassion or empathy for you and I can only imagine this won’t ever get any better. It didn’t with my ex husband. After each of our children he pushed to have sex early before my 6 week visit with my doctor. Despite the fact I had stitches, was healing and dealing with a newborn. I’m surprised your guy has insisted you at least pleasure him even if you don’t want intercourse. That’s how my ex husband worked. Even if I couldn’t physically or wasn’t in the mood he couldn’t understand why I couldn’t “help” him out!! Knowing what I know now, if I were you I would drop your guy and NEVER look back!!

    #779825 Reply

    Peggy

    Agree that this guy is not showing compassion and understanding. He cares more about the sex act right now than your health and feelings. Just drop him-this shows a lack of “loving” on his part.

    #779846 Reply

    anon

    Run.
    He sounds like a jerk. Especially the whole line about his last two girlfriends having sex a couple of times a day. He has a hand he can use it.

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