Is he ghosting or does he actually need time/space?

As I reread this he is sounding like an asshole. He’s not normally of course, he is really sweet. And with these discussions he has seemed really upset, so it didn’t seem like he was just trying to come up with an excuse to break up or something. Oh, and we have talked about the future a fair bit, I never got the impression we were just FWB. I don’t think I’m wrong…

I think an important thing to consider is that with contract jobs, you know that they are finite and there is always an end. He’s known that for a while, and he has been considering his options because of that.

Unfortunately, he has told you with words and actions what his thoughts are. As painful as this may be, he doesn’t see his future with you. He as much told you he wanted to break up.

Trying to convince him otherwise by telling him you can go visit him, etc., is not going to change his mind. Your evidence is his silence.

From here, I would go radio silent on him and allow him the time and space to think. If he really decides he wants a future with you, he will tell you. Otherwise, I would stick with the status quo and respect his decision to break things off.

Erk, I hate the idea that although I don’t think of myself as needy, maybe my actions are saying otherwise.

I guess one way or the other he wants space. And I have been clear enough with him that I want to be with him. And of course he knows how to get in contact with me if he wants to!

It is just hard to suddenly cop a heap of silence.

Thanks for your advice Amy. Yeah I figured it was too much to ask for a guy to actually be clear with telling me what was going on. One of those things I suppose.

I think its going to be really hard to distract myself and stop my brain with all its ‘Why?’ moments. Still, he is clearly acting in a way that he can focus on himself, so I guess I shouldn’t be so focused on him, and center back to myself as well.

Also thanks for the laugh at the end, I needed that!

Hi Amie,

The advice you have been given above is good. After 10 months I would expect more outta him but it is what it is.

It sounds to me that he expects to lose his job and wants to sail the seven seas. Why, I don’t know (none of us may ever know) but I do know this that if a man wants his freedom give it to him. It serves no purpose to trail after him.

With a man watch his actions – he has cut you off in the past…not good. That alone speaks volumes. Although he sees you once in a while that means he wants to see you when he wants something…does not care about your feelings.

I would back the truck up 20 steps and not be available every time he wants to see you. I would break up with him and tell him you want to date others. I would not do this for effect – I would do it because I want to. I would not want to be with a man who acts this way.

Good girl!

I understand that a man is anchored,settled and guided by his job. I get the importance of it to a guys self worth and direction. But contract work is almost always finite (unless you get picked up for a very long term contract). He knew the contract would be ending soon, so I’m having a difficult time seeing why it seems to have surprised him.

I don’t like a lot of his behavior. You broke up before and he’s blocked you? Really. Block away baby-you wouldn’t be hearing from me again. Good luck trying to reach me after that, too.

If he had behaved better and it was just this one thing, I wouldn’t be so concerned.

I can tell you right now, when I cook for a man-he doesn’t get a second meal with me if he doesn’t offer to help clean up. I may not always take them up on it-but if they are raised right, it is only good manners. And it shows they appreciate and respect me. My BF would never let me do the dishes and clean up by myself.

I do think he sounds like an a-hole, actually

Well ladies, thought I would give you an update. I tried really hard all week to keep distracted, even booked myself a two-week vacation (which due to work commitments I have to wait 6 weeks to take, but still). So I am excited about that.

But my mood hasn’t been great even though I’ve been trying, mostly subliminal thoughts and that general uncertainty just getting to me a bit. And the old checking my cell at random times, as if there would be a message there from him that I’d missed. Part of me was worried, maybe he’d been in an accident. Yes, looking at it now, that was just the part that wanted an excuse to contact him.

A few hours ago (I am in Australia so it was an acceptable hour!), I texted him ‘Are you okay?’. I know, I know. I felt like I had solid enough reasoning at the time. He texted back quite quickly ‘I am okay but things are over between us, sorry I didn’t want to say that over text’. I sent a calm reply, asked if he could tell me why (although of course in the end it doesn’t really matter). He said he doesn’t feel like he used to, it’s seemed like a chore the last few times he saw me. For the record, the last few times he saw me were in the middle of a very busy work period for me, so for the first times ever I wasn’t 100% focused on him.

So that is that. Really hurts but it’s closure and I am happy to be out of that limbo and the sick feeling that goes with it. And I guess it is a good thing that it’s over, if he couldn’t handle being there for me for a few times, out of the multitude of times I’ve been there for him. And a breakup text, hardly shows respect for me.

Thanks everyone for your supportive comments and advice last week when my head was all screwed up and I was so worried! I guess I’ve just gotta try to get on with life now.

Thanks redcurleysue.

Yikes! He dated you for 10 months, ghosts you, dumps you over a text, and says being around you felt like a chore? Never never give this guy another chance if and when he comes back!

I feel very sad reading this. You invested 10 months of your life in a guy that ends up acting like a jerk. Please live a great life without him!

Thanks everyone for your comments. Yeah, he had his chance with me, no way he will get another one. And sure as hell not after the way he chose to end things. I’m not going to contact him, if I even think about him for more than about 30 seconds I start feeling like I’m going to throw up.

I am the standard mix of angry, sad, generally disoriented as obviously I thought there was a future with him and then suddenly there wasn’t. But I am trying to stay positive and just ride the waves as best I can. Surely there has got to be better out there! Not that I want to go anywhere near dating for a while. But I have hope that one day I will find an actually amazing guy.

Thanks Diane. No one has quite framed it like that before – congratulations – actually, I kind of like it!