This topic contains 5 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by Newbie 4 months, 1 week ago.
October 21, 2020 at 10:33 am #820514
Hi just need some advice on how I should be taking a situation with my ex and whether or not blocking him is the right move. It has been a very rough few months and I don’t know how to deal with this. I don’t want to feel this way anymore.
I broke up with him in March 2020. We were together for 3 years and since the breakup we have spoken on a weekly basis and saw each other briefly a few times. Our conversations have been a roller coaster of emotions. He has stuff in my house he hasn’t picked up for several months.
The last time I actually saw him was June, until this weekend. We met up on Sunday, he called me and asked me to meet up. We talked about some issues he was having with his family and he appeared to be ok but I could sense he had been drinking the night before. We hung out for a few hours, talked and we did become intimate which we both wanted (it felt like there had never been a gap in us seeing each other). He told me he loved me and that he missed me and after awhile I dropped him off at a bar since he was meeting a friend. He gave me the impression he wanted me to come back for him but he never called and I never called either. The way we were that day was how we were during our relationship laughing but also serious at times. I didn’t bring “us” up in future sense, but we did bring up on how we were so in love before. He asked me several times had I been with anyone since him and I said no (that was a lie I didn’t feel like he needed to know)and he said he hasn’t been with anyone.
One day later we had the following text message:
Him: You didn’t call to even see what happened. My god I need to never drink again. I’m sorry you had me going crazy. I don’t deserve you.
Me: I don’t even know what I’m supposed to do anymore. I was worried about you.
Him: I don’t either.
A few hours later:
Him: I’m sorry this s**t I can’t take anymore. I love you.
Me: I know I am no longer a part of your life and I understand. I will always love you.
Him: Oh god (my name) Just please your an amazing person an angel to me.
Me: I don’t know how you feel anymore. It hurts so much. Just tell me you never want to speak or see me again (his name).
Him: I can’t.
Me: Ok I will do it then. I love you please take care of yourself.
I took his initial text as he meant dealing with me, so my reaction was let’s cut contact if you can’t deal with me. I have told him in the past that we need to move on, yet he continues to reach out not sure if this time will be different.
I am struggling with his emotional instability, he was never like this before. I was never confused on his feelings we lived together and he was kind, loving and supportive.
He kept saying that he doesn’t deserve me and that he can’t believe after all these years he still feels this way that it is scary. I am feeling lost, its as if he doesn’t want to let go but also doesn’t want to be in.
I know for many this looks simple he is “emotionally unstable” and doesn’t know what he wants and is dragging me down. I want to figure out how do I handle this with integrity. Given he does have a lot of things in my house but also show him he can’t continue to play with my emotions. I was considering blocking him for the next few months. Any advice?
Sorry this thread should have been under “Breakup”.October 21, 2020 at 11:05 am #820522
Please stop having important conversations by text. If you want to call him for clarity, then do. But generally with exes it is best to get clarity before action, no vice versa.October 21, 2020 at 7:36 pm #820633
I think cutting contact or deciding how you’re going to deal with him when he contacts you s important. You guys seemed to be very enraged despite the breakup, so it’s seems neither one of you have moved on and your last interaction shows this. You also can’t just blame him for your interactions. You decided to see him and do whatever you decided to do together. You’re going to have to set boundaries. As for the text convo I’m unsure what he meant, so if you really want to know, I think you should actually speak with him in person. But does it really matter? Do you want to get back together and why? Why did you breakup? We’re the problems you guys had before, going to be resolved? Or are you content in the long-term, having those same issues? Or do you want to remain broken up and if so, how are you going to ensure that you move on?October 22, 2020 at 11:13 am #820756
Thank you for your input I greatly appreciate it. Your both right that these conversations should be in person. We had been having problems since late last year, he was drinking heavily on the weekends and it put a strain on our relationship. We decided to take things slow in January but I didn’t feel that after 3 years taking it slow was right. I guess we should have discussed what that meant in more detail. In March I was furloughed from work and I was very stressed and I felt alone didn’t really feel like he was being supportive…. so it was the last straw.
I love him very much he is a kind person but he needs to work on his insecurities/instability and has a lot of drama with his family.
I now have a job and have my life in good order but of course I still have that “something is missing” without him. I started talking to a therapist who has classified him as an alcoholic (she is actually an alcoholic counselor and has informed me about Al Anon meetings for co-dependency but should I even bother since he and I are not together?) . Cutting contact is probably the best thing to do. How do you stop contact with someone you love and refuses to collect his things in order for you to move on? I don’t think he really cares about his things since he didn’t mention them on Sunday, but I can’t just throw them out.October 23, 2020 at 9:47 am #820947
Al-anon is a good idea, even if youre not together. I think if a lot of partners if alcoholics could chose of not ever getting involved they would chose that option. It was clear he is a heavy drinker from your first post but your therapist even takes it a step further. An alcoholic can take years to get his act together, if he will even do it at all. I would strongly recommend you to stop contact, stop clinging on hope. You are doing good now. Sometimes you must be selfish and pick you. He can pick himself too, but thats on him. So also stop clinging on that pile of his stuff. throw it away or bring it to his place. This is really touch love you need to practice on yourself.October 23, 2020 at 9:48 am #820949