I’m not sure about him

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This topic contains 5 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  kad17 6 months, 3 weeks ago.

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  • #782731 Reply


    I’ve been very confused and on the fence about this guy I’m seeing. We met on a dating app around Christmas last year, he asked me out straight away because as he said he hates long texting. (We also practically don’t text between dates and I’m fine with that). So far we’ve been on 3 dates, last one being on Saturday, all initiated by him. He’s a very nice and thoughtful guy, remembers small things about me, pays for everything. All three times we met it was like this: before the date I have this overwhelming feeling of not wanting to actually go out (mind you I’m very introverted and don’t go out often). I just don’t want to see him. Before our last date I already planned on what I will say that I don’t want to meet him anymore. Then I meet him and the date is actually nice and comfortable. No crazy attraction or sparks, but I feel good and nice. Some time after the date I feel like “hmmm, maybe there is something?” But then again a couple of days go by and I don’t feel it anymore. We haven’t even kissed! As for some reason I wouldn’t feel comfortable doing it, but he seems okay with it for now.
    We work in the same industry so that’s a plus but our opinions are quite different. He’s very grounded and maybe stagnant, I’m very open to new things and maybe my head is a bit too much in the clouds. Too different or maybe that’s what I need?
    I’m just not sure of him… or me… I’ve been wondering if there’s something wrong with me that I’m not feeling it because he has zero red flags… or is it that it’s just not going to happen? I don’t want to waste neither my not his time

    #782735 Reply


    Either you are not ready for mr. Right, or hes just not making you hot. If the sight of him isn’t getting your panties wet, don’t waste his time.

    Would you be more turned on if he were sexually aggressive. I don’t have advice, just food for thought.

    #782811 Reply


    I read this dangermouse and I think I have never been this way over a man. One I have dated.

    #782814 Reply

    T from NY

    Everyone wants different things. Some people’s major aim is to find someone they feel safe and cherished. One of my biggest requirements is feeling intrigued and challenged by my partner. It might be helpful for you to explore, possibly on paper or meditating, what it is that attracts you. What matters to you most. I feel we have our best luck in dating and relationship when we first have a love affair with ourselves.

    I too would need to feel a great attraction. I’ve tried it, several times, with the guys I feel ho-hum about and, every time, I’ve ended up cutting them loose. I also really have to kiss someone by the 2nd date. The kiss for me is a huge indicator if I want to continue. Luck to you

    #782822 Reply


    If I didn’t feel any attraction after three dates, I’d let the guy go. I don’t understand why you feel you “should” like him just because he has no red flags? A guy could be perfect on paper but you just don’t click. It happens all the time. Nothing wrong with you. Sometimes you feel it; sometimes you don’t.

    #782826 Reply


    I’ve been in your situation before, and if you’re not feeling even a baseline level of excitement to see him now, it will be really hard to feel it as you two continue. I know some people think the opposite but this is just my opinion

    For guys I met via OLD, it almost has to be an attraction right away for me to want to see them. I usually give them 1-3 dates before I decide to let them know I had a good time but that I’m not looking to continue. A guy having no red flags is nice, but you need green flags as well. If I were you I would end it so that the both of you don’t waste time.

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