Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › If he isn't interested in my life what can that mean
This topic contains 14 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by caetru 7 years, 3 months ago.
My guy and I have been dating a couple of months and he always makes time to see me. He’s very affectionate, wants to please me and asks if I’m happy with him or what can he do to accommodate me. But on the other hand, he doesn’t ask me questions about myself. If I try to give information, very seldom is he interested. He is a very stubborn man who gets into arguments with people but is super sweet to me. He only wants to listen to his style of music and refuses to listen to my music, so he’s never actually listened to my style of music even though I’ve tried. He says he adores me and does seem like he’s in love with me. He does accommodate to my food and brings me to meet his friends, and is protective. But the no interest in my life is a bit upsetting, especially as I know many details of his life. What does this mean?
this is a tough one….but I’ll take a swing and say he’s not seemingly interested in you as a whole person. that can change with time I don’t know.
What I do know is when i met my bf he was so interested in my life it was a bit overwhelming at first. He shared a LOT of his life and i was hesitant to do the same until feeling more comfy which overtime I did. That was a year ago and I can now appreciate all he’s shared and how he’s helped me to open up as well.
That being said, could it be he doesn’t want to pry? you say when you bring up stuff he doesn’t seem interested – that’s the part that would hurt me quite a bit. I dated a guy a few years back for a bout 3months, did the same thing and I ended it feeling it was too one sided. I knew his hobbies, music choices, food preferences and while he did accommodate in those areas he never seemed otherwise interested in getting to know ME.
not knowing how to approach this took it as a way of him only wanting a FWB thing so that’s why he wasn’t investing more. But that’s just me. I’d love to hear others take on this.
I agree with you.. it’s a tuff one. So, I have to ask questions:
Adele, what does your guy do for work?
Does he take you out in public as though you are a couple?
Does he suggest going to this place and that place even though it’s not your favorite places?
What is his age?
He might be trying to feel you out in regard to how loyal you can be with him directing everything in the relationship. But him not asking about your life, he sounds like a traditional old school military type guy.
He is a writer, and earns very little money for now, but is an intellectual and knows a lot about a lot. I enjoy reading about history and politics but when I try to discuss things with him he interrupts me or changes conversation. He is 26 and never really had a proper girlfriend, he takes me out to places I like and is affectionate in public, and also affectionate with me in front of his friends. He genuinely does not seem interested in my life, I ask him questions and he loves talking about his past. I try to offer some things about myself (not too much either as I don’t want to reveal too much just yet), but he does not seem interested at all. He likes to talk about himself, about his job and dreams, and also we poke fun at each other and laugh, and watch documentaries together. More than military guy, he is more of maybe a little bit self involved in a way, but not stern or tough, but more intellectual.
Have you 2 been intimate yet?
These are some serious “red flags” if you ask me. Right now he’s on his best behavior but I’m sure his argumentative streak will start infecting this relationship as he becomes more comfortable. I can understand not being interested in a certain genre of music, like for instance I’m not a country buff but if the guy I was dating listened to it I would be willing to compromise occasionally… I listen to his, he listens to mine.
I would not cover up these differences and take a hard look at how different you may be because eventually you will clash over them if one is always on the losing end of it, which appears to be you.
He sounds self-absorbed, but it may be because he doesn’t have much experience with women/relationships and doesn’t know how to act. Maybe try engaging him by asking questions about your life. For instance: “I’m thinking about signing up for a yoga class. What do you think?” or… “I’m trying to decide between Italian and Mexican for dinner tonight. What would you do if you were me?” Or something a bit deeper, if you prefer.
That way, unless he completely blows off the question, he can’t help but think about your life and talk about it. I’m also curious, you said he gets into arguments with people. Does he start these arguments, and what are they about?
Yes I agree with you… We slept on third date but then didn’t have sex for a month until we trusted each other a bit more, and have recently been having sex again. He loses it quickly because he gets nervous which is why we waited.
I would say they are red flags and will keep alert. He also doesn’t want to watch movies that i enjoy, but on the other hand he wants to become a vegetarian or at least eat less meat because of me, and also has a mini garden now because of me (didn’t force him to), and he also plays a sport that I like. We have had our first argument but in a joking manner which happened on Saturday, because I find it difficult to get angry so we were laughing while arguing. It was because I laid the table and he didn’t like the arrangement, i found it so shocking that k had to laugh but also argue back, and he ended up apologising several times. He has pulled back a bit since then where he didn’t talk to me for almost two days, but now wants to see me tomorrow.
He does start the arguments, I’ve Seen them happen. He isn’t violent but very blunt and will overreact. It’s caused him to be fired from most jobs and to lose friendships. Sometimes he pulls a face of anger to me but I call him out on it in a soft manner and he stops immediately.
You had your first disagreement over how you arranged the table? This guy sounds like an incredibly self absorbed control freak!!! He has to control the music, the movies, the conversation, and even how you arrange the table!! And he didn’t talk to you for 2 days after this? I really think that now that he wants to see you after this argument that you need to discuss what happened and why it happened and tell him how you are feeling. I can’t understand how you say he is accommodating yet the only thing it sounds like he lets you have a choice in is where to eat.
I hate to say this but if I were you I’d end this now. These are definite red flags that have serious potential to get progressively worse with time. Luckily you are recognizing them now but please do not ignore them. This is who is he, this is his personality. You can’t negotiate or change who someone is. So therefore, I think that makes these issues dealbreakers.
So many women come on this forum having wasted so much time on a guy who displayed red flags early on that they noticed but ignored, because they wanted to “give him a chance” or “give it some time”. A very foolish mistake on their part. You have a chance to exit a situation now that may get worse in the future. Take that opportunity.
Sounds like he has Aspergers. My father has it and I’ve been drawn to many guys that I now realize likely have it. Aspergers men are not capable of unconditional love and will never truly bond to you. If I am right, the best you can hope for is to become part of his routine, at least until you become disruptive…then he will walk away without looking back and you will be alone and confused. Run. Now.
I could try to analyze his behavior but the one thing that screams since the title of your thread is, he’s selfish and doesn’t care about you.
Thank you for your responses, very much appreciated.
Sigh… what would i do without this forum, even though i seldom post. I fear you are all right, i need to be smart about this and we are probably too different for it to work out. i want someone who is interested in me and not selfish.
This guy sounds a lot like my ex who was a manipulative, control freak. He was happy to talk about his exotic upbringing and his well-to-do family, but didn’t have any interest in my average upbringing or family. We would always listen to his music, watch his TV shows and do things his way. He was always correcting the way that I did things and I could never do anything right. Not a fun way to live. He has lost many lifelong friends as well.
It really is more than a matter of the two of you not being compatible. From what you have said sounds like he has some control and anger management issues. Take it slow if you are going to continue in a relationship with this man