I Screwed Up In My LDR


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This topic contains 7 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  Ally 1 month ago.

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  • #886582 Reply

    Ally

    Guys…I screwed up. I have a tendency to overthink things and it hurt me in the end.
    I recently broke up with this amazing guy that I met on Tinder. He was the first guy I’d fallen in love with on a dating app and him vice-versa. At the beginning of the relationship, he was very affectionate and we fell so fast. He’s living overseas right now and we made plans for the future for us to meet. Things were going so well…until last week. Once the one month mark hit for us, he stopped sending good morning and good night texts. He stopped being affectionate and it just seemed like he would only text at night each day, like how you would text a friend. I took this to mean that he was losing interest in me and maybe talking to another girl. So I sent him a breakup text on WhatsApp last Saturday night (June 12) and blocked him, since I’ve had guys in the past show the same behavior before and ghost me. The next morning, he sent me this heartbreaking voice message on Instagram that he hadn’t lost interest in me, he was just very busy. He told me that his feelings for me hadn’t changed. He was additionally frustrated that because of the lockdowns being extended overseas, he might not be able to make it to the states by the end of this year. But he did say he felt different and disappointed that I jumped to conclusions without asking him first :/ he then goes on to say that it’s not a bad thing, maybe we’ll still be a thing in the future. So he said to keep in touch, “whether we end up together or not” and to wait and see once it gets closer to the lockdowns lifting.
    After receiving this message, I freaked out and gave it a day before I sent him an 11 minute voice message of me apologizing and taking responsibility. I told him I don’t want him to think that I’m the type of girl to jump out of a relationship when things gets tough, I was just very insecure because of how guys treated me in the past. Since then, he hasn’t responded to it and it’s been a little over a week. He doesn’t watch my Instagram stories anymore and he always comes online on WhatsApp, but we don’t interact. During the breakup, he said he still loves me and he’ll always love me in a way. Should I just leave it alone? It seems like he’s not interested in me anymore.

    #886589 Reply

    Liz Lemon

    You never met this guy. Not to be harsh, but this wasn’t a relationship, it was a fantasy. You didn’t know each other, and you can’t love someone you don’t know, sorry.

    I would leave it alone. Why don’t you date guys locally? Find someone you can meet & date in person. LDRs rarely work out, especially when you meet online and start the LDR without even meeting each other. It’s too easy to build up a fantasy ideal of the person that has nothing to do with reality. When you finally meet in person and actually see them in the flesh, 99.9% of the time things come crashing down (been there, done that). You can’t build a relationship with someone you don’t know in person. You just can’t.

    The internet is full of people who like to play games & live relationship fantasies but have no intention of meeting in person. Don’t fall into that trap.

    #886598 Reply

    Ally

    Yeah, that’s true. I guess I was just naive. It’s just so unfortunate because we were talking about traveling together once he got here next month and all the things we would do together. I just feel lied to and manipulated. Instead of jumping to conclusions, asking him first should’ve been my first instinct. But even so, it’s silly that he’s this upset that DID jump to conclusions.

    #886608 Reply

    Zoe

    You never even met!
    How can you fall in love?
    Yes, you did enough, DO NOT do anything

    #886821 Reply

    Erin

    He’s just a pen pal unfortunately, don’t take it too personally and heavily. You never met him and you don’t really know him. See other people and go for dates with other guys in real time, if he so happens to visit and is in the hood,good on him but that shouldn’t stop your life.

    #886833 Reply

    Raven

    Traveling with a total stranger is unsafe, yes I sound like an old mother hen…

    What if when you did actually meet, he smelled of musty cheese?! These ‘overseas’ guys are a dime a dozen…

    #887089 Reply

    T from NY

    I cannot tell you the number of times I have virtually felt a connection with someone- then upon meeting the real man IN REAL LIFE I have absolutely no interest in taking it further. PLEASE do not make plans to travel with someone you’ve never even met, or taken the time to get to know. Especially don’t use words like ‘love’ when you’ve never even been on an in-person date!

    Because let me tell you what IS real – cat fishing, e-tethering, men cheating on their wives, sexual predators OR, more often, just someone you’re not attracted to once they’re in your face. Get in the mindset that LOVE is not the ultimate goal. Good treatment from a man you have vetted to be good enough for you, safety, self-respect – these are the goals! Love can flow from them later.

    #887146 Reply

    Ally

    Thank you so much guys! I really need to hear this. It’s been a hard two weeks for me, “breaking up”. You guys are right, it was a fantasy and seeing as he’s not responding to my apology, that just shows his true colors.

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