This topic contains 5 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by Liz Lemon 1 month ago.
July 6, 2020 at 11:54 am #795510
I recently found out my long distance boyfriend of 8 months has been feeling resentment for me since an incident that occurred early in our relationship. About the fourth time I went out with him, we pregamed on an empty stomach and I became an absolute drunken mess. Apparently at some point in the night I sat on his friends lap, made moves on him, and eventually got us kicked out the bar for bothering strangers.
This incident came up in a recent fight and the worst part is, I have no memory of the night at all. I completely blacked out. But he was so sweet and caring the next morning so I didn’t really ask for details.
I won’t go into details about our recent fight but he basically said, “This reminds of the time you were a skank with my friend at that bar. I thought I could forgive you but I guess I can’t.”
I asked him what the heck he was talking about, he told me he was talking about that night from months ago. He told me he hated what I did and wanted to kick me to the curb right then and there, and that the only reason he didn’t was because his friend pleaded on my behalf. He also said my actions was the trigger that basically ruined his relationship with that friend.
I apologized profusely and was also very taken aback. As soon as I apologized he did a complete 180 very quickly and forgave me for everything.
This is all just very bizarre to me. I dont think you can forgive someone that quickly after a conversation and it was weird to bring it up after so much time had passed since the incident. I asked him if we are OK and he says we are. Now we are texting less and less, although he still says I love you before bed each night.
I just don’t know where his head is at. What can I do to salvage this and is it even worth it?
TLDR: My boyfriend and I got into a fight and it turns out he’s still really upset about something that happened early in our relationship. I blacked out so I don’t remember the night and I’m sad he didn’t bring it up right after it happened. I have a feeling I’ve been reading this relationship all wrong and that my boyfriend very much resents me.July 6, 2020 at 4:53 pm #795552
Since you don’t remember that night, it’s hard to say if what he is saying happened is the truth. Especially since he took this long to bring it up, and during an argument at that.
Lets say it’s the truth, well he should have talked to you about it when it happened. Keeping it a secret from you was like he was going to hold it in his pocket for ammo to use in the future, that’s just not cool at all.
I think he’s manipulating you though with the what happened. He’s making you feel bad about something he never even bothered to talk to you about. So now all the sudden it matters?
We don’t know what your recent fight with him was about so I can’t comment on it much.
What you need to ask yourself is, do you want to be with someone who holds things over you like this? Instead of being mature and resolving issues when they arise?
He just gives me a bad feeling. It’s like he’s trying to have power over you for something you don’t remember. It’s why I have a hard time believing if it was true. He should have talked to you about it.July 6, 2020 at 5:28 pm #795554
Beware of the blacking out part. You should be able to compare that night you were kicked out of a bar with other nights . Not remembering at all is strange . I hear some people in bars enjoy dropping memory altering drugs in other peoples drinks just for fun .July 7, 2020 at 8:06 am #795615
I hope you are looking at your alcohol consumption and doing something about it. That is the only thing you can do and be very very grateful to have such a confident forgiving man.
Do you drink to that level often?July 7, 2020 at 8:08 am #795617
Just let him calm down. And what was the actual fight about? Please give that info.
If it was anything to do with drinking or other men, find a therapist quickly.July 7, 2020 at 1:39 pm #795635
I see multiple issues here. I agree with what’s been said, I think it’s manipulative of him to throw this in your face 6-7 months after it happened (if you say you’re dating 8 months and this happened on your 4th date, I assume it was about a month or so in?) If he never mentioned it before, this is the first time he’s brought it up, ever, and he decided to throw it in your face during an argument rather than addressing it calmly– that’s crappy behavior.
What were you fighting about when he brought it up? Do you fight a lot? It seems weird for this to happen out of the blue, half a year after it happened.
I also think you should look at your drinking. Has this happened to you before? Be honest about whether your drinking is a problem. Although, I have to agree with Mike also, you could have been slipped some drug in the bar– I’ve had that happen to friends– it’s scary and unbelievable at the time, but I’ve witnessed it. So it’s not outside the realm of possibility.