I cant stop reading into things and jumping to the worst conclusion

In 5 dates you tried to be intimate and he failed somehow. Dont know about what exactly. I agree with your friend to not discuss being exclusive since he is not performing anyway.
When it comes to the guy, he sounds nice. Whats the rush?

That’s like saying I have this new boyfriend and he’s really nice, but he has a tail. A long, hairy monkey tail.

But I will be patient and understand that hes embarrassed about it, and I help him pretend nobody really notices.

Should I ask him to be exclusive?

Thanks Peggy, I know its not uncommon and I am aware that younger men have issues with it. We have been able to still have fun in other ways and he explained this is just an occasional issue around new partners.

I’ve know men to have these issues with a new woman yet had no issue when married or in a long-term relationship so its far too early to know if its a simple case of performance anxiety or something else. My best guy friend explained it to me when it happened to me two times in a row! He said its like an on and off s w i t c h, you can’t control it on demand where sometimes they go through periods or phases where its *off* and when in its in this mode a man can’t mentally or physically just turn it on.

I would pull back for a few days at this stage to settle your emotions down. Take a “time out” or you run the risk of burning this out. He does have a life beyond dating, as do you, and need to make sure you aren’t sacrificing your normal life for your dating life. Really try to keep busy doing non-dating things, such as having a lady’s night, work on a project, go to the spa, spend time with yourself binging on ice-cream and netflix—activities to help keep your life balanced so there isn’t too much of one, and too little of the other.

You are already looking to him not only for validation but to fill some void in your life which is never good as men can sense this “vibe” and start to feel like they are being put in a pressure cooker, which is when they subconsciously back away and *test* to see how you act or react to it. Seriously, you need to stop hyper focusing on men you are dating…this is just one activity and person of many you should be filling your life up with so to keep the pressure off both him and yourself.

A man should be the *cherry* on top of your awesome life, not whole sundae or center of it as that’s a pretty heavy burden to place on a man’s shoulders so best to spread it around doing other things and hanging out with other people too so you don’t fall into the black hole of neediness or becoming too clingy. When a man backs away its a sign its getting too heavy (serious), so help take some of the heaviness off and go do some other things so you don’t start over relying on him for it.

I have a close male friend who once told me this happens to him when he first becomes intimate with a new girlfriend. But given more time dating, as he becomes more comfortable, things always “work” out.

I understand you’re at the point of being anxious (nervous and excited) at this point in the relationship. You’re hoping it becomes a more solid connection you can depend on, but honestly only time will tell that out. You can’t force it to happen by simply asking for it. And yes, it’s much too early to pose the question.

Lane gave a great explanation of where a man should fit in one’s world, and anewmode offered wise words as well. As uncomfortable as you may be with the uncertainty – Try to live in the moment (something I too forget so thanks for the reminder!) and enjoy what you do on your dates.

@Sophia

My bad, will do.

Thanks.

I love sex. And have it when I want to. But I’m at a stage in my life where I would sleep with a guy multiple times when it’s been only 5 dates. I have had relationships that began with sex on the first date – BUT that’s because I was dating multiple men, could not care less about the outcome and it “just worked out” that we clicked. My point in all this is — he’s on Bumble — he’s not locking you down for dates — he does not seem exceptionally keen, but you’ve got a crush.

The ED issue sucks and you really should look to be putting more eggs in your basket.