Home › Forums › Complicated Situation / Mixed Signals › I am confused by what he has told me and now what
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Paige.
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Tess
To start, we started talking through social media. We went to the same HS but he was a year above me and was in a different crowd so we did not know each other I just knew of him. Now we both are 23 and 22 and got connected through social media. We decided to meet up for dinner. He picked me up, and had roses in his car waiting for me. Dinner was so good all we did was talked and laughed, by the time we looked down we were there for 4 hour and my cheek bones never hurt so much from smiling. After we went bowling followed by going back to his house. Nothing happens because I told him I wanted to take it slow, and he respected it and said he would wait till I was ready. We kept hanging out maybe 2 times a week. We have opposite schedules and he is never on his phone and is texting. Sometimes I get a fast response but other times it takes him 4 hours just to respond. While texting he says he misses me and all that stuff. When we are together he already has said “I love you”, “I want this forever”, “You make me so happy, I dont want to lose you”, etc…. I never asked him to say those things so the fact he is saying those things makes me think he really likes me. For V-day he got me a real Gucci belt because he wanted us to match and having a the same designer belt. Everything was going good I met his parents and siblings early into the “relationship” and he met mine as well. He told his friends about us, and gave me his tv streaming password so I can use it. All of a sudden I asked him 3 times in one week to hangout and each time was canceled by him last minute because he was busy. I get that he is busy- but so am I. He wakes up at 4 in the afternoon, and than tries to cram everything in a small time frame. I eventually asked him what was up, if we just have different schedules or if he just was not feeling this anymore. To sum up his response it was basically that he cant give me the time I deserve and the time he wants to give me, that he is stressed and busy and he did not want a title or anything serious from what I understood. My response was I get that so do you know what to continue anymore. He responded with that he really really really likes me but wants to talk about the in person that I am so sweet and the greatest girl he wanted. So I agreed to meet up and asked him when he said tomorrow after he finishes the gym. The following day he texted me at 3 when he woke up and asked if I still wanted to meet and we will still meet after the gym. I said yes what time do you think that will be. I DO Not get a response for 6 hours at 9 at night saying sorry I forgot I got supper busy so I said if you didn’t want to meet than just say that and hes like no I really want to meet thats what im saying I dont have enough time in the day and I feel bad having you wait. So I said when will you be ready and I received no response. At 11 at night I sent him a message saying your actions are speaking louder than your words and if you didn’t want to meet up than you could have just said that but I am confused as to what happened and I would just like answers. Its been two days and He has not responded. I see him on social media, I know somethings up because he did not even like my photo I posted yesterday. I am just confused as to what happened, Why he is now ignoring me. I think I deserve a response and a reason. I also have his clothes (3 sweatshirts, 1 long sleeve, and 2 sweat pants), do I text him next week about returning it? Also his bday is next month in April and I asked him what he wanted his response was “Nothing just a whole day and night with you is what I want for my bday and that will be the best gift you could ever give me” Why would you say that if you did not like me, why would you tell me you love me, why would you tell me you want this forever, why would you tell me you need to play the lotto every day so we can have a big house when we get married… I dont get what happened. I am sad, and confused. But on that note I also received his bday gift. He always wanted a Versace shirt so I found an amazing deal and got him a Versace crewneck. I want to still give it to him so he can be like wow I shouldnt have left her on read, she listened to when I talked, and she cared, and I messed up.
I just want a text from him, even if its just a hi, no, sorry, lets meet up now, or I dont want this. I think I deserve the answers. WE have been talking a little over more two monthsSide note- I know he isn’t up because he won’t be on Instagram, I also know hes a bad texter- he showed me his text messages he has 500 unopened messages and hardly responds in group chats.
but at the same time he never has not answered me for 2 days, I see hes on social media, and I know he probably read my messages.What should I do. I really liked him, and im confused because of what he said to me and things he did. Im just confused as to why im not getting any answers, or what happened that now hes to busy for this.
Tess
Ohhh and he wanted to plan a trip with me to Hawaii this august. So how did we go from this to no response.
Phoebe
In my experience some men are quite fickle and run hot and then cold in a very short period of time. Either they find out something about you they don’t like or once they sleep with you they lose interest or they just meet someone they like better and can’t get rid of you fast enough. There’s a special class of man who speaks flowery words like I love you and I need you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you – and I’m sure he means it (at the time) but usually I think when people say I love you after more time – a few months at the very least, if not more – then they’re more likely to mean it. Otherwise it just seems… Well… Odd, I guess. Could you really love someone after such a short time? You can be fixated on someone, obsessed with them – you could pin all your hopes and dreams on them, make them into an object. But isn’t love more meaningful than that? You have to love someone for their flaws and love them even when you get bored with them and love them even if someone better comes along.
Tallspicy
Ok, he is no longer interested. So, lose his number and throw away his things. If you don’t want to throw them away, send a text saying (but you should throw them away):
I am leaving your stuff oh my porch in a bag today. Anything left in 48 hours will be tossed.
Tallspicy
Do not give him that gift. It will only make you look needy and pathetic. Give it to someone else.
Lane
This is what is called “infatuation” which can FEEL a lot like love but it is not. Its a chemical (hormonal) reaction but the problem with this is that it eventually dies down and fizzles out. It is very common in the first few months of dating, so you need to learn not to be leery and skeptical in the beginning and have low expectations until a lot of time has passed, at least six (6) months and your still going strong.
Just know its not intentional, its biology, a men themselves don’t understand *why* their feelings begin to wane, they just do. My youngest son is 27 and he has gone through the exact same scenario as you just explained many times. It has nothing to do with the lady, as he say’s their great its that the feelings they initially had subsided and they no longer want to continue. I told him when its love you will know it as its much CALMER than infatuation and will feel different than what you’ve experienced.
This is most likely going to happen to you many times so don’t take it personally, its just nature telling you that your not the right match. The best thing for you to do when this happens is to not confront the man but go *no contact* and walk away from it. Yeah, it will hurt for a little bit but before you know it, you’ll be back to yourself and now know that you need to lower your expectations in the first few months and that it may not last very long—only when it does will you too start to understand the difference between infatuation and love.
Lane
Meant to say …”so you need to learn HOW to be leery and skeptical in the beginning and have low expectations until a lot of time has passed, at least six (6) months and your still going strong.”
kaye
I have to agree with Lane, this was infatuation and for some reason he no longer wants to continue with you. You really should be suspicious of any guy who is telling you he loves you and he wants this forever and wants to buy you a big house when you get married…. less than 2 months into a relationship! It can’t be real because he barely knows you. And men are so fickle at this stage, anything you do negatively can knock you off this pedestal they have put you on pretty quickly. Like trying to control their time with their friends or demanding too much of their time. When a guy first meets you and is excited he’s willing to stay up late and be tired at work just to talk to you on the phone for hours at night. Or skip sleep to take you out. They ignore the fact your schedules don’t match up or how busy they are because they are excited, but then reality sets in and they realize they can’t continue long term like that.
I am sorry because I know it sucks. But as Lane said, you need at least 6 months of consistent behavior. If you stay on this site enough you’ll realize most relationships don’t even pass the 3-4 months mark because they guy doesn’t see it working long term. I know that’s no consolation but maybe it will help you not to fall so hard for everything a guy says and does next time.
Khadija
I also agreehe was infatuated and that stage has worn off. He no longer wants to continue and his behavior shows it.
He’s probably hoping you will get the hint and move on.
Stop texting, go with Tallspicy’s suggestion about his clothes, unfollow him on IG, and please return those items you bought.
You did nothing wrong, things like this happen.
Tess
Thank you all for the responses. I agree and was taken back when he said “I love you” so early! I even asked him do you mean than and he said yes.. I think he was saying everything he thought I wanted to hear. Yes our schedules were different and we both made that clear but he picks to wake up so late and start his day at 4 in the evening I dont care he doesn’t want to talk but I think I deserve the respect to be told why he doesn’t want to continue, or what happened. I think I deserve that especially since talking was his idea.
Paige
Can you return the shirt and get a refund?
If not, put it in a consignment shop and write off whatever amount you can’t recoup to a learning experience – along with the two months you spent in Dreamland with this guy.
Turn off all channels of communication with him and stop believing you “deserve” answers.
His ignoring you has already given you your answers. You just haven’t wanted to recognize that.
You’re 22. You have a lot of experiences to come before you settle down. Stop moping about this guy you barely knew (two months is not a long time to get to know someone well enough to think you love him) and get out there and have fun!
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