Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › I am alone and miserable because of long distance
This topic contains 14 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by Liha 1 month, 2 weeks ago.
My bf and I have become long distance since may 2022. The long distance is gonna end some time next year. We have been meeting almost every month. And we stay connected via texts throughout the day with few hour gaps in between. Earlier when I moved I was okay with this arrangement. But now since 8 months have passed it has taken a huge toll on me And I miss him very, very much. I have a few friends here and I stay busy. But I miss my boyfriend too much to the extent that it’s affecting my normal life. I find myself daydreaming about him during work hours. And then crying because I cannot be near him. It’s just too bad i can’t explain in words. Just yesterday he went back after coming to meet him. I feel so f*cked up as I am already missing him. I don’t know how to deal with the missing and the distance. I don’t want to end the relationship as I love him a lot and he is making efforts for me. But i really don’t know how to deal with his absence in my everyday life. Anybody else been in a similar situation? Please share your thoughts.
Can you end the long distance sooner? Is one of you able to move? You said this distance will last until next year…do you mean 2024?
This does not seem sustainable to me,as it is. The activity and friends and day to day life are not enough to make up or his absence. So I suggest one of you moving or break up.
Can you see each other more often?
Why are you long distance?
What are your ages?
It’s not possible to end the long distance sooner. I have been sent to a different city for work. We both don’t want to breakup. Please suggest some ways we can make the relationship work. We don’t wanna end it.
He is 28. I am 27.
Raven- seeing each other every month not enough?
Sad girl…why would you ask Raven if seeing each otheronce a month is not enough? You said yourself you are sad and lonely and miss him,so of course for you,it is not enough.
I don’t see any solution unless one of you moves or you visit every wek/second week on weekends. If this is so difficult,one of yoy could quit your job or get a transfer and move.
How often do you two speak on the phone? You could FaceTime…
Again, why can’t you see each other more often?
How far apart are you two?
Hello Sad Girl,
Oh there is a lot of heartache in your story. I used to be in a long distance relationship. I had my dream career job in one city and he was in his dream college program – 5hours away by airplane. We would see each other every 2 months and talk every day.
You need to remember why you are apart and just focus on that. I knew the end date and it forced me to make closer girlfriends and go out to things that I would have never seen. Joining my friends’ larger group of friends. I just said yes to every invitation so I wouldn’t stay home alone. Moping around just will stir your emotions and you have to dedicate quality time when you do see each other.
It’s a tough scenario, but you seem very dedicated.
We wrote poems and letters and I know that would not have happened if we were in the same city.
Hope that helps you.
The problem is that you need to cut the desires of him (emitiinal dependency) from your mind.
Long distance is temporary. Gud thing is you guys are very sure that despite long distance you want to coninue. You both are clear that you like each other a lot and want to be together in a relatnship.
Ofcrse you will miss him and it will take some time for you guys to adjust to this new dynamics of your relatnship. Pick up new hobbies, do things which hv been on your mind but which u hvnt got arnd to doing. Take up new courses. Learn a new language. Start going to gym regularly. Extend your friend circle. Jusy try and pick up more activities so that you can fill up your time constructively instead of stayin at home and missing him and feeling sad.
Lots of people have made their long distance relatnship work. Just take this positively and in your stride. This is temporary.. chin up and be happy. Atleast you hv love in your life.
Raven- we speak on call and video calls every few days. He doesn’t like to talk much.
Rox- I am also trying to make friends here but there’s not much option here. Everyday I wake up and immediately miss him and that sets the tone for the rest of the day.
Mary- that’s the thing, I am too dependent on him emotionally.
Tammy- thanks for your reply. I like your suggestion about joining more activities, I don’t get much time after work and options are also very limited in this part of the country but I’ll try my best.
All the best. Make efforts. And try not to dwell on the negatvs.
Hey girl, I was exactly in your shoes 2 weeks ago.
Long short story, we has been together since May 2022, it was great from the begining when both of us taking efforts to make time for the other
But on the last trip, I started to be needy with this attention (because 1-2 months before the trip together, he has been stress and busy). On the trip, I even demand some affection and didn’t get it. I started to resent him and use silence treatment on him. I can see he was trying to give affection to me but I was still craving for it. Now understanding it was because I was longing for his attention for a while and when we met he couldn’t delivery everything all at once and that even push him further away. After the trip, we get back to our normal life and I couldn’t even stop obsessing over why he’s pulling away, what is he doing, why he hasn’t messaged me yet. That drove me crazy.
I had one month of it. Then I called it off because I don’t like that version of me worrying all the time and the reality is because of that he gradually drifting away from me also (that makes me losing interest to him also)
We’re both 50/50 secured and he is 50% avoidant and I’m 50% anxious (attachment style)
Now it has been nearly a week after I broke up with him. I feel more connected to myself, it feels better but I do feel regret that I did that because I understand he was going through loads of stress (absence from work to come see me) and I left him alone.
But at that moment I couldn’t do anything better. I need off time away from him to clear my head and I bet he needs it too.
I’m telling you this to prevent you from doing some all or nothing actions, try to sit down and talk your emotions out with him first, if he values you, even if he can handle it or not, at least it makes him to understand you more. You guys both work on attachment styles and give each other space and use that to work on yourself. Make sure both of you commit to assure to the other as much as you can that you deeply care about the other so none of you feel neglected during the time you taking space.
I hope it helps