How much communication is normal in an LDR?

Dear Alyssa

As you will read on this site — LDRs are difficult and best attempted by couples that can actually see each other on somewhat regular basis AND when there is an end date where you’ll both be in the same place. For instance my boyfriend lives an hour away for school but we see each other every weekend or every other depending on our schedules. Being together and bonding in person is the most important part of any relationship but next to that — in an LDR — communication is vital. I talk to my guy almost every day via phone, anywhere from 10 min to an hour. We also FaceTime occasionally. The texting has gone WAY down which has been sad for me — ecstatic for him (lol).

Every couple will be different and what’s important is that you communicate to each other what your communication needs are. Most men tend to have less of a need for contact in between seeing each other so the trick for women to ask for/state what they need without making the man feel like he did any wrong or that you’re unhappy. For instance when my BF was texting less and somewhat telling me he really preferred not receiving or typing long texts (that he’d rather talk to me on the phone later that day) I told him I would be happy with just getting a “hi” from him. That made him smile and now I’ll get random HI texts during the day which lets me know he’s thinking of me. BUT there are also days I’m tempted to text him (when he is not initiating) but I try not to do it so that he will miss me and give him space.

Hope this helps

Alyssa,
If you’re not happy with the frequency of texts and calls, just let him now straight up. There is no set standard as to how many calls or texts you should receive and everyday is a different day. So ask for whatever is comfortable for you. Men, they really don’t know much and they are not mind readers. They normally think everything is ok. So just let him know that you’d prefer to hear from him a bit more becuase communication is essential in making ldr work. Don’t be demanding though and start asking him to checkin on you all the time

Alyssa, I met my BF a year ago long distance and first time we chatted for hours on facebook (we have 1 friend in common). Then at the end of the chat he sent me his number and I sent him mine….30 seconds later he texted and we chatted more for hours on our cells. It was insane, after few days we moved to phone calls that lasted ALL night until 3, 4, 5am! We did that for weeks! We would go to sleep and by 8am, he would text, and kept texting from work too! GEEEEZZZZ! It was nuts!

Our connection has been amazing from the very first message. After few months, we calmed down (thank God!) and on average we talk 40 minutes or more almost daily and it feels like 10 minutes. Not all relationships are like this. We are in love and want to get married and we are both in our 40’s. If you are heading into a serious relationship, you could be having more communication. If this is just casual, then consider the cost. It can get VERY expensive to date long distance! Those flights and expenses add up quick.

Be with someone who wants to be with you and shows it!

Hi Alyssa,
Me and my BF are 1 year in LDR(I am moving to his city in June )
We talk min 2 h a day on the phone and text like crazy – he always checks on me and always want to hear from me etc……we love to talk and like he says:this is all we have —also we try to see each other min every two weeks ( 300 miles distance )
We are in love and we are in our 40’s .Every man is different and to be honest sometimes I give him space …I need my space also — but from no where he will send me a text saying : kisses or I miss You ……so I think its important for You to tell him , how important this is for You.