how does friends with benefits work?


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This topic contains 8 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  ANM Staff 3 weeks, 4 days ago.

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  • #856510 Reply

    Jamie

    Please read before answering. This guy and I went on a date and we agreed to a casual dating and sex relationship. so bf/gf, but going out on dates and having sex and being friends. He was serious about the friends part and has brought it up/used it towards me to get me to open up to him on multiple occasions. So I assume this is a friends with benefits type of set up. We met up 3 times, plenty of sex during those meet ups. the sex is great, he has mentioned its on of the best he has had. He typically texts me “good morning” every single morning, but suddenly stopped one day, and coincidentally after the night I put up a wall a little bit (trauma response from my past, due to something he said). after not talking for 2 days I worked up the courage to text him and apologize for “putting up a wall” and he claimed thats not why he didnt text. he said his ex recently sent him a message apologizing to him for what she did and updating him on her life and it really messed him up, he also said he realized he was forming feelings for me and he is not ready for anything near that so he needed to pump the brakes. He stated he just needs me to be patient and that he just needs a physical break from me for a while to get his feeling in order before he sees me again because he cant have feelings for me. I said I understood. He was clear on wanting to text still and be friends. ever since then, he would shoot me a text and then leave me hanging once I replied, I started getting frustrated after a few days of being left on read over and over and over when hes the one initiating the conversation to only leave me hanging So i stood up for myself and said that “I get being busy but I have more respect for myself than to let a guy keep tossing me aside and only acknowledging when its convenient for him, thats all im going to say about it, you do what you want with that and i wont bring it up again”. He didnt understand how hes “tossing me aside”, I dropped it and apologized for bringing it up because im not going to argue with someone I dont even know that well. Well We continued talking that whole day, he and I made planes to hangout the next week. And now I havent heard from him since. Its been 6 days now with no text, and I feel he owes me an apology still so Im not going to reach out first. Is this normally how contact goes with a FWB? we agreed to be exclusive fwb. we went from talking everyday to not talking at all. Is it over and i dont even know it, or is this completely normal? this is my first time doing fwb so i have nothing to compare it with.

    #856511 Reply

    Jamie

    NO bf/gf*

    #856512 Reply

    Ewa

    You posted about it before . You’re not in relationship. He doesn’t owe you . Friend who you just sleep with doesn’t have to text you .he will message only when he wants to have sex…

    #856521 Reply

    Ewa

    your behaviour wasn’t normal for fwb, you don’t text someone who isn’t your bf everyday , you message when you want to have sex that’s all
    the issue with his ex could be a lie, because you have put too much pressure on this guy , because he didn’t answer your text, too much drama for him. He is single he doesn’t have to explain why he didn’t answer or why he is ignoring you.

    #856526 Reply

    Jamie

    Just to clarify, I was NOT the one texting him/reaching out. He texted me first every single day. Once I respond to a few of his text, then he would leave me hanging. and i never asked for an explanation from him, I only expressed how I felt about it. As in, if you’re too busy to text, then dont text me because it hurts my feelings to get left on read every single day. I assumed, you message when you want to have sex, but he made it clear we are friends and he is the one that wanted to text. then he suddenly stops texting. I dont think I put pressure on him by expressing that texting me and then ignoring my response to HIS TEXTS is rude. I think its holding him accountable at the very least, he is an adult after all. casual sex or not, you treat others with respect.

    #856543 Reply

    Ewa

    well I don’t know how old you are, but you need to learn that men and dating these days have very little to do with respect… I was left on read many times and I never demanded an answer because people don’t owe me an explanation.
    your guy told you what is wrong and why he seems off. You also need to know that men text because they think women need it , it has no meaning behind it at all .
    I get good morning messages from guys I’ve never even met, do you think they wake up and think of me in the morning? I doubt it.
    If you knew he is going to leave on read then I would just say listen if you want to meet up let me know otherwise I don’t see a point in messaging everyday.
    In this case I doubt he will be back.
    But for the future know that FWB is just that, I had FWB before and I specifically said to the guy do not message me unless you want to meet up.

    #856600 Reply

    Elvira

    I agree with Ewa, and if you read on FWB the whole point of it is to only text when you want to meet up. You don’t say what his messages are if they are strictly “good morning” then replying with a GM back does not require an ongoing text conversation. I also feel that when a FWB starts the guy will send messages to just “keep” your interest level (no meaning behind it). I have had a FWB for many years. In the beginning he would send me messages and ask how I was even when I was on vacation but no deep conversations came from it, it was just his way of saying I am still here. After we developed our routine and understanding of our relationship his texts were merely to meet up. If you are sensitive to texting then let him know that you would appreciate a response if you are asking a question – which questions should be limited to when you meet up. However, if you are this sensitive to responses then IMO you are not capable of having a strictly FWB situation because your expectations are too high to the attention he gives. So understand that an arrangement of FWB does not constitute the expectations of a BF.

    #856647 Reply

    AngieBaby

    “JAMIE” & “EMILY” – you already posted about this the other day and got lots of good advice, but you didn’t like what you heard and are trying again under another name, which FYI is against the rules of this forum.

    Changing your name and insisting to a bunch of strangers on the internet that he should treat you the way you want him to because you’re screwing him is a big waste of time. Go talk to HIM and demand your apology and tell him what your FWB conditions are. If he won’t go along with it and you don’t like the way he does FWB, then go find another one.

    #856654 Reply

    ANM Staff
    Keymaster

    Mod update: Indeed, please stick with a consistent name! “Jamie” or “Emily” is fine.

    Jamie, some folks did respond to your earlier thread, which you can find here.

    Also, I think some of our visitors aren’t aware of how to navigate the forum itself, so when a topic falls-off the list of “Recent Topics”, they can’t find it anymore. For those of you who like to browse recent topics, you can find the list of topics at this link.

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