How do you get to know a guy better when you've only talked in person until now?

Home Forums Texting Advice How do you get to know a guy better when you've only talked in person until now?

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    I’ve known this guy for a few years through mutual friends. We always have a good time together, but we’ve only ever talked in person. Recently I’ve realized I’d actually like to get to know him better. He’s not a big social media guy, but does have Snap. So I added him, and he added me back. I sent him a funny snap pertaining to our last conversation, but it wasn’t really open-ended for a conversation to start. He opened it but didn’t reply. Like I said, it was a funny with no question. It didn’t really need a reply. So now what do I do? Is there still a chance to get to know him?


    Hi Molly, You don’t get to know someone via social media. You get to know them by being in person with them…

    He needs to ask you out…


    What I mean is, how do you start talking to someone to get to know them better as a person? Normally you talk for awhile before asking someone out. So I guess I’m asking about how to initiate the talking phase?


    I’ve found in my experience that if I’ve had to push after expressing some interest and taking some initiative (and it sounds like you tried to express interest by connecting), the guy just isn’t really worth the time. Maybe he’s oblivious to your interest, but most men with reciprocated interested in getting to know you will at least respond. So give him a chance to ping you back, but you can’t force the talking phase. When I kept pushing with guys like that, maybe we’d end up hanging out once or twice alone but nothing would ever happen and the guy would respond but never initiate, so it always fizzled out. Usually goes better when effort is more balanced from the start, so keep an eye out for someone who is more interested in you and doesn’t need to be chased down.


    That’s what I worry about most. It was just a snap with two words, so not super open-ended for a conversation to start. He’s also not huge on social media. We’ve never texted before so this is all new. So how do I know if it was nbd and a bad attempt on my end, or him not wanting to talk?


    Sorry if this is harsh but.. his lack of response IS his response. You’ve reached out, technically twice now, once by adding him and then sending the funny pic. The ball is in his court. If he has known you a few years and was into you, I feel like he would’ve jumped at the chance when you made the first move.

    Question out of curiosity.. if you know him in person and know he’s not big on social media, why did you choose to reach out to him that way? Do you have his #?


    I do not have his number. I thought friending him on Snap would be more casual than asking for his #. The snap was referencing something that happened a few months back, and he was drunk when it happened. I’m not positive he remembers what I’m referring to. I guess I’m surprised he added me back if he didn’t want to talk.

    Liz Lemon

    Please don’t tell me this guy is your brother in law’s brother that you’ve been posting about for years? I’m sorry but I had to ask…. you mentioned he was drunk and I know the guy you always post about is an alcoholic.


    Please see original post. This is very much a different person. I’m not friends with my b-i-l’s brother. I feel like you only commented to belittle me, especially since there was no advice within your answer.

    Advice: guidance or recommendations offered with regard to prudent future action.

    There was neither guidance nor recommendations for the question asked. Please stop harassing me.

    Liz Lemon

    I said I was sorry to ask, but I had to clarify!

    Anyway in that case, I agree with the advice already given. If you guys know each other well enough to be drunk together, I don’t think social media is that important. Especially if he’s not on it much. So focus on your in-person connection.

    ANM Staff

    Molly, please don’t worry! I feel confident that Liz did not intend to harass or belittle you. I’m guessing that it’s the opposite – she asked out of concern and worry, because she remembers your past questions in this forum.

    Of course, I can’t actually speak for her intent, I don’t want to hijack anyone’s words! But I wanted to provide some assurance to you that Liz (and others) would like to provide advice to you. Sometimes folks need to ask some questions before they know how to shape their advice.

    Best wishes to you – hopefully you’ll find some clarity here.

    ANM Staff

    heh Liz got there ahead of me. :)

    Liz Lemon

    Thanks mod! Like I said, I do apologize. I only asked because I remember at least one time where the OP (rather disengenously) posted for advice about “a guy”, without clarifying that it was the guy that the community here had been advising her to forget about for a long time. (I remember the incident because I was the one who asked then too).

    No offense meant OP, we just want to give the best advice, and it’s important to know details like that. Glad to hear you have your eye on someone new…


    Again, please stop. Calling me disingenuous when you don’t know me or the situation I was in is incredibly inconsiderate and rude. If you knew me at all you’d know I don’t have a disingenuous bone in my body. I asked for feedback on an ongoing situation that kept evolving with more deceptiveness. I created an additional post because I forgot my username, and because the very first post I made was met with this same criticism and degradation. Please stop making assumptions about a complete stranger and stating them as facts.


    Who is harassing who ?

    Liz Lemon

    Why be so defensive if I’m wrong and I apologized for it multiple times?


    Hi Raven,

    I have asked user Liz Lemon to please stop commenting on my post several times now. Every comment she has made has either had false accusations or been belittling, including telling others I’m disingenuous. I’m just looking for advice on a brand new situation in my life, I’d really appreciate if she just said nothing at all if she doesn’t have any feedback. Her comments are of no help, and are hurtful and unnecessary.


    Hi Molly27,

    The way I see it, since he’s not big on social, straight up ask him for his number. If he agrees to then he’s okay with you contacting him. Then go from there and chat. Ask him how he is, get to know him, if he’s interested in dating, if he has a partner etc. Don’t go pretend you want to be friends. Be forward. If he’s not interested then that’s okay.


    Hi Natz

    I appreciate your answer. I’ll be honest, I do hesitant to be that bold. My intent with sending a snap was to be bold enough to try to get a conversation going. I realize now that he may or may not remember the conversation I was referring to. I guess I don’t know if it’s worth still trying to connect, or do I just take it as don’t reach out again? I feel like it’s even harder because Snap isn’t exactly like texting.


    My son is horrible with social media and texting — he hates both. His girlfriend jokes that she had to hit him over the head (figuratively speaking) to get him to realize she was interested.

    You can drop hints forever, or maybe see if he wants to meet up for coffee, just you and him. Then let him figure out a day/time, etc.

    I you could please lay off Liz Lemon, she actually gives great advice and understands more than you may realize. If you are responding so harshly, maybe there’s some truth that is hitting you in some way.


    Hi mama, thanks for the comment. I was strictly defending myself because Liz Lemon said things that weren’t true about me. I very much appreciate your feedback, and it gave me a good little laugh. :)


    Hi Molly,

    I’m new on this site. It’s good that you added him on Snapchat and he’s receptive first of all.

    Have you thought about open ended questions where it leads to a conversation starter? Like a light hearted question. Just because the first few conversations aren’t consistent, doesn’t mean there’s no improvement with the convos. Just need to talk to him about it.

    I’ve never had a boyfriend I met on social media, but I’m on social media a lot for work and if I’m interested in a topic, I’d comment frequently and I’ve been doing that for years now and get lots of engagements. Or ask him Hey, it’s been a while since we last chatted in person. How have you been? Or something like that. I have a friend who is dating a guy through mutual interest and we always hang out together. People respond to messages in different ways and at different paces. If he doesn’t reply immediately, don’t take it as a sign of disinterest. Give him some time and space to respond. We all have busy lives nowadays.

    If you have done all these things, the ball is in his court. See how he responds, that’s an indication of his level of interest. You need to read the signals, if he shows interest in your conversations, that’s a good sign. If he consistently gives short or non-committal responses, it might indicate he’s not as interested. Don’t be too pushy if he doesn’t. You’ve got your answer then…if all fails, it’s okay to move on.

    All the best,


    ANM Staff

    Howdy! I appreciate your enthusiasm, Allysa! But this thread was actually from May 2023, not this year. The OP probably isn’t around to see it anymore. (But maybe she is? Many posters do circle back to this forum a while later…)

    But anyway, since this is an old thread I’ll close this one to further replies. Onward! :)

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