This topic contains 16 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by Newbie 1 month ago.
January 25, 2021 at 7:25 am #838850
There’s this guy I’ve dated, although it’s been almost two years since we broke up he was never really out of my life until recently. At the time he broke up with me because I was very insecure and needy, but he still kept me around for hookups which at the time I accepted because I was an idiot and though that by doing that I could make him change his mind and would be the loving guy he briefly was when we were dating. That never happened and when we had a huge fight, I decided to go work on myself and on my issues and went to therapy.
Now we started chatting again but he’s still acting like a player and not treating me with much respect. How do I show him I’ve changed and that I’m not gonna put up with this crap anymore? I just want him to be the guy he once was, not how he’s acting now.January 25, 2021 at 8:08 am #838857
You pull away at a first sign of disrespect and stay awayJanuary 25, 2021 at 9:47 am #838862
What happened that you are talking again? Did he contact you?January 25, 2021 at 11:44 am #838880
For as long as you keep replying while he is treating you like a player you haven’t changed and he knows.January 25, 2021 at 11:49 am #838882
@Tallspicy He did, he moved back so he got in touch with me.January 25, 2021 at 3:30 pm #838911
T from NY
I think this is very easy. You can simply say something like – I was very excited when you got back in touch, and when I found out you were again close by. I know we have a history of dating thoughtfully, then later more casually. Update on me – I’ve done a lot of work on myself and finally ready to explore something real with someone. Our recent interactions seem to show you’re still interested in just casual with me. So I’m going to take this opportunity to wish you the best as we seem to be looking for different things. Then stop responding to any nonsense, or less than authentic interactions.
98 percent chance he won’t step up or be able to treat you thoughtfully again. If this guy really saw potential with you a girlfriend he would not have led with player moves or talk. But saying something to that affect – lets him know you’re not having it, it’s non judgemental and lets him know where you’re at. If he by chance gets triggered to try and win you after you tell him where you stand – let him try and the first time he acts like a f-boy, drop him like a hot potatoJanuary 25, 2021 at 6:37 pm #838935
Show him you’ve changed by not accepting his disrespectful behavior and not engaging with him if he’s being a player. Seriously, you deserve better!January 25, 2021 at 11:36 pm #838977
Maybe the brief thoughtful guy was the fake persona, and the cheap player is the true persona. Take him for as he is, not how you wish he were.January 25, 2021 at 11:36 pm #838978
Remembering why I always enter a fake email. That’s a full ass picture of me.
January 26, 2021 at 7:59 am #839036
- This reply was modified 1 month, 1 week ago by ANM Staff. Reason: I edited it for you so it doesn't show the picture. :)
Sometimes fake e-mail adresses also have a pic.
But, im sorry to say, the title of your post says: how so show him i’ve changed. The the old needy you showing up because you want to show HIM. By showing up, you responding and wanting to show him you dont want the hook up guy but the attentive guy he briefly was, youre already halfway destroying the good work you did on yourself. Consider this a short relapse. If he is showing disrespect make it clear in actions you dont approve. You dont counter disrespect with slhowing how much more of value you are.
And Yes he problably still thinks of you as easy to hook up with. I would not engage anymore. Some people are like crack to someone else. Stay away from crackJanuary 26, 2021 at 10:24 am #839053
What eo said. Sounds like the loving, thoughtful guy was his fake persona. You said he only acted that way briefly, right? For the most part he’s been a player. So that’s his real persona, unfortunately. Guys who are jerks and players can act loving and sweet temporarily because they know that’s what hooks women. They just can’t maintain it for long.
A guy who is genuinely thoughtful and loving treats women with respect. A guy who is a player acts like, well, a player. Take him for who he is, not who you wish he were.January 26, 2021 at 10:27 am #839054
And I agree with Newbie, the fact that you are still engaging with him and hoping he’ll change and treat you better is undermining the work you’ve done on yourself. You want approval from him. That’s needy. He’s not going to change, and he’s not worth your time. Just let this one go and move on to a better guy, and don’t destroy the hard work you’ve done on yourself :-)January 26, 2021 at 11:35 am #839060
I’m starting to think that the brief moment he acted like a nice, thoughtful guy was just that, acting. To lure me in so I wouldn’t walk away when I found him flirting with other girls.
The person he is now… I just don’t like it. And what if he never changes? I don’t wanna waste more time hoping for that. I thought that I was the problem, that if I could change so would he. But maybe the problem wasn’t me, it was him.January 26, 2021 at 1:13 pm #839076
I dont think he is a nice guy at all. Fooling around is one thing but to keep you on a leash knowing you liked him a lot makes him a big as/s/hole. But the problem is you. For not knowing what is actually good for you and accepting breadcrumbs. Too bad so many women are affected by this. But you can change. Not for this dudd. Yes he will find someone one day but not you. First you have to tell yourself you do not want a guy that doesnt want you. A guy that actually wants you is the bare minimum of a guy to consider. Then read why men love b*tches. Again not for this specimen but for date and posture practice. Last its more hard word: you need to figure out why you are so deadset on walking into non commital walls.
But really you will be fine. If you leave this guy alone he will fade away before you know itJanuary 27, 2021 at 4:35 am #839215
I feel that if you’d worked through your issues you wouldn’t even want him at all? That’s just my take on it… Why would you want to be with someone who treated you that way?February 1, 2021 at 6:04 pm #840478
Just to give you all a final update on the situation. We talked, I asked him what he was looking for with me and he was honest and said that we just wanted a one night stand and that was it. I don’t want that, so we decided to not talk anymore and part ways for good.
Thank your for all your advice!February 1, 2021 at 7:06 pm #840491
Well thats the new you. You asked, you said what you want, and decided not to talk anymore since he cant offer what you want. . Be proud of that. Its really that simple, once you have done it.