This topic contains 19 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by Chloe 1 week ago.
July 20, 2021 at 8:32 pm #897263
I’ve seeing this guy for a bit more than a month now. He seem like a nice and genuine guy. But there one thing that been bothering me a lot.
I don’t get why he always suggests stuff for us to do or ask me what I want to do, agree and say we should do those activities together but then never mention it again. Get excited about going out to eat when his craving for certain type of food but by the next week didn’t suggest to go. If I mention didn’t you want to go eat, he would go oh yeah I’ll see when I’m free.
This sudden bust of excitement and interest and then die down after a day or two is really confusing. We haven’t been out on date much due to Covid, mainly phone call and texting. So when things ease up with Covid I was hoping we could do more things, but it’s just so frustrating when I get excited about going out, he seem so flat.
Is this normal behaviour for early dating? He told me his interested and keen in me, but behaviour tell me otherwise.July 20, 2021 at 8:56 pm #897267
T from NY
I’m sorry you’re going through this. But remember we as women only have relationships we allow into our lives. People show you who they are. Look up the definition for the words – Tepid and Flake. I think that’s this guyJuly 20, 2021 at 8:58 pm #897268
T from NY
I’m sorry you’re going through this. But remember we as women only have relationships we allow into our lives. People show you who they are. Look up the definition for the words – Tepid and Flake.
I think that’s this guyJuly 20, 2021 at 9:03 pm #897271
Hopefully, you’re seeing other guys?July 20, 2021 at 11:44 pm #897322
It’s not abnormal, but it is inconsistent. Inconsistency in early dating, and beyond, is a big red flag. If words don’t match actions, listen to whichever is the negative one, and keep dating other people. A good guy who is relationship material won’t leave you confused and guessing.July 21, 2021 at 4:56 am #897378
agree with maddie. just dont put all your eggs in one basket.July 21, 2021 at 7:01 am #897407
He is just a guy you’ve been chit chatting with, and are now seeing he’s “all talk, and no action.” You have no clue if he’s “nice” or “genuine” because you’ve never got the opportunity to see how he acts, or behaves, in real life. For all you know he could be a 600 lb alcoholic sitting behind the screen (aka “catfish”), and why he’s not taking you out, because what he’s been telling you, and who he really is, could be two different people/personalities.
Your job, as a woman, is to carefully LISTEN, WATCH, and OBSERVE a man, in real life, to see if he’s trying to woo you over, which a man does by showing you what a great BF he would make, IF you chose him over the other men you are getting to know too.
Look up “e-tethering” as this is the worst position a woman can put herself in because trust me, 10-1 he’s doing it with other woman too! If he’s not stepping up in a big way, you step out!July 21, 2021 at 10:27 am #897441
Sorry I wasn’t clear in my post. We went out for dinner about 3 times in the last month. I feel his a nice guy because at dinner he would constantly pour me water when he saw my cup was empty. He was very attentive. He love telling me stories from his travel around Europe and even made a comment that he would love to be able to travel with a partner one day.
I do find his actions doesn’t match with his words. It frustrates me when he mention ideas and don’t follow through with it. I will give it another 2 weeks to see if things will improve.July 21, 2021 at 10:41 am #897443
To answer your question– it’s not abnormal, but it’s not desirable behavior. I too would be frustrated if a guy I had just started dating was constantly suggesting things to do, then never following through. When a guy starts dating you he should want to make a positive impression on you. This means coming up with things to do that interest you both and hopefully bring you both together.
Maybe this guy is just a bit lazy. He might otherwise be a nice person, but if he’s frustrating you, he’s not the one for you. Dating is about finding a person who’s a good fit for you. You will come across plenty of guys who are nice enough, but don’t quite make the cut, for whatever reason. It sounds like this guy might fall into that category. I think it’s fine to give it a couple more weeks, but if you keep feeling frustrated with him, it’s a sign you should move on.July 21, 2021 at 10:42 am #897444
*sorry I mean “bring you both closer” –not together, if you’re on a date you’re obviously together! :-)July 21, 2021 at 2:40 pm #897490
This does kind of suck. The most direct way to deal with it, rather than wasting your time to see if he improves is to tell him. Tell him, “you know, I was hoping we could do more things together, going out, doing the stuff you said you liked cause I’m not very happy just chatting, I can do that with any of my regular friends”.. Most men continue what they are doing until they hear otherwise. Hope that helps.July 21, 2021 at 2:59 pm #897493
I’m not so sure I agree, Rox. She’s barely a month in with this guy and advice on telling him how to act differently seems counterintuitive.
The beginning of a relationship is usually when people are on their best behavior. It’s not the time to have any sort of discussion or notes of mention about how she wants him to change his behavior in some way. He’s showing her who he is.
This guy obviously isn’t that interested in her and she’s now realizing it. And she will decide to move on or not based on his actions (or lack thereof).July 21, 2021 at 9:13 pm #897570
Can I please get some feedback on these 2 situations that happened recently.
One time he messaged me and ask how’s my day and I told him that I haven’t been feeling well, got a really bad headache. He then said oh I have a bad headache too. Then I said, “oh, hope you feel better, try and get some rest”. Then he just reply with yeah I will probably nap. I got a bit upset because it didn’t seem like he was concern about me. Am I overthinking?
Another time when we were video calling, we talked about doing activities and I told him I would like to do them since I haven’t done them since high school.
He said “didn’t your ex bf take you anywhere?”. I was a bit shocked and didn’t know what to say.
I just said “I don’t know why you bring up my ex, it shouldn’t matter”, “Don’t bring up my ex up next time cause it just bring back bad memories for me”.
Then he said “you’re a bit sensitive ain’t you”.
I got a bit annoyed and said “you’re being insensitive”.
Then he said “I’m just tired, I’m only functioning on 50% brain capacity right now, sorry if I’m a bit insensitive”.
I can sense a bit of sarcastic from him but I let it be. Am I being too sensitive about his comment?
I like the guy but sometimes certain things he say does make me upset. But I’m not sure if it’s me who is being too sensitive about this or is it him.July 21, 2021 at 9:24 pm #897574
Chloe, if this guy annoys you this much after one month of dating, he’s not the guy for you. If he were right for you, you’d be in the honeymoon period now. You’d find him charming and amazing. But instead he irritates you.
I won’t even comment on whether what he said was good or bad because it’s beside the point. The point is that you get irritated by small comments he makes. And you’re annoyed because he doesn’t follow through on date suggestions. It will not get better. He will just continue to annoy you more and more as you spend more time dating him. Just end it now and move on.July 22, 2021 at 6:52 am #897697
liz what you said is soo bang on. i had met a guy abt 2 years back. well placed in life, single and pretty good looking. initially it was ok but after a bit the things he did and say just annoyed the heck out of me. small things but i noticed. he would just ask or say thing which seemed pretty obvious. once he asked something and i just snapped and said are you like 16? u cant ask me that! he got so pissed and just blocked me. i wasn’t that shocked nor hurt or upset. he just connected yesterday after a long gap. he said he suffered a bad bout of covid and was in icu. while he was in icu, he thought over all the people he might have hurt in the past. so he got in touch now to apologise. he did ask me if i was still single or seeing someone. i just gave him some vague answer cause i dint think i owed him an answer.July 22, 2021 at 8:42 pm #897871
I guess I wasn’t sure if I’m being too picky or not since there is no such thing as a perfect guy.
You’re right though, if I’m keep being irritated at the little things he does or doesn’t do, it won’t be good in the end. I’m trying to just focus on his positive side like for now. Apart from the little things he does that make me questions him. Overall his a thoughtful and caring person cause of how he treat his family. But if things get worse I will definitely walk away.
I’m just a bit scare, cause it is really hard to meet someone during Covid/lockdown.July 22, 2021 at 9:52 pm #897889
It’s definitely better to approach dating by focusing on the positives than the negatives. But don’t let fear of not meeting others (scarcity mentality) make you ignore the negatives if there are actual incompatibilities just because you wish to be in a relationship with someone. People aren’t perfect, but how they communicate and approach the relationship shouldn’t fundamentally annoy you. Maybe you’re being a little picky, but that doesn’t mean he’s the right guy for you. It doesn’t sound like this is working, so listen to your gut that it’s not right for you. You don’t need strangers to tell you that.July 23, 2021 at 5:40 am #897992
This is just sad. He sounds lazy af and really low investment. Maybe you can try asking him out with a concrete plan, two shots if he’s not engaging with any of the plans, you’re out. I was chatting with a guy before I met someone I really like so interest in both sides was pretty low, still I was trying out to see if we could date. He was always receptive but never following through. I asked him out two times then stopped contacting him. In the meantime, I shifted my energy on another guy who was asking me out and making plans with fun activities to do and I find he’s a better fit and encouraged me to plan our dates also. Every date is like adventure cause he puts the effort to find out things we like and come up with a plan. It’s so much more fun dating with someone who brings their A game on. Needless to say the guy I mentioned earlier never contacted me either although in some of our dates he would pay for my taxi or dinner or let me sleep over. So make up your mind if fear is stronger than your desire to feel wanted or appreciated and the feeling that someone enjoys your company.July 23, 2021 at 7:30 am #898017
marie thats what even i try to do. there is this guy i met online. initially due to lockdwn i understood that meeting reg was not possible. but despite things easing up now, its still the same. he says things but never follows it up. some time back he said many things. i told him hey all these things sound gud on paper but till i see things on ground level its all talk. but it was still the same. so i just stopped bothering. and its still the same. every morning i get a gud morning message. lol. do not bother unless he makes an effort.July 23, 2021 at 11:33 am #898068
He started off really interested in getting to know me. Always asking me questions about myself, telling me about himself and asking me what things I like to do. For our first date we actually did one of the activity that I suggested. He even told me he want to know what my interests are so he can plan and we can do them. But part from that first date, everything else was just suggestions from him.
Reading your comment Marie, it made me realised that I also wanted a guy who can make plan and fun activities for us to do, someone who not only want to know my interest but actually plan to do them with me. Knowing that there are actually guys out there that will do that give me a bit more faith in finding someone.