His dad passed away, Give him space?

Mary, Yeah that’s what I’ve been trying to do. It’s just hard for me because I take it so personally when he doesn’t reply to me or responds in a cold way. WHICH I KNOW I SHOULDN’T. I also know he’s the type of person who likes to handle stress alone, but it’s weird because when he wanted “alone time” away from his family because it was getting too intense he invited me over…so it’s just been a bit confusing to know what he wants or how to be there the way he needs me to be

Sorry to hear about your bf’s loss. You probably know your bf well enough to know how to show him you care. For example my bf is very physical (and I don’t mean just sexually), so whenever he’s feeling really down, he just wants me around so that he can be close to me. I would get/cook a meal he really likes, go to his place (ask him first, of course lol) and just hold him and run my fingers through his hair (he LOVES that). That way my bf would definitely know I’m there for him. Men are much less verbal than us women so rather than pushing him to talk little actions will probably get the message through a lot more efficiently. What works for your bf?

When a man loses his parent, especially his dad, he reevaluates his life, in a very serious way. You need to be very tactful and very supportive, but if he pushes you away a little, you need to respect that too and not get offended. Follow red’s advice above, be there for him.

From my experience guys grief different. They don’t want to talk about it (a lot). I learned that giving someone a distraction (offering it) can work great. For example offer to do something with him that he really enjoys to do. To take his mind off things. Sex does that too.

I disagree with many of the above posters.I lost my mother a while back so I know what your bf is going through. Do NOT check in on him daily. Once a week is enough and do it in such a way that he doesn’t have to respond; he’s already grieving, don’t give him another to-do by asking him questions in your message. And if he doesn’t respond, don’t take it personally and definitely don’t keep texting and texting.

As for the memorial service, I did not invite certain friends of mine to my mother’s funeral because of similar capacity reasons. This is about him and his family’s grief. Do not be selfish and make it about you and your feelings. Sorry if this sounds harsh but the poor guy just lost his father; how you feel really doesn’t matter right now.

It’s nice that he thought enough of you to reach out & let you know…

I’m sure he doesn’t want you to see him in that “weak” position at the funeral. He wants to be free to express his emotions and maybe support his mother and siblings. You guys have not been dating long.

I also agree that you shouldn’t contact him everyday, much less call. Just send well wishes and let him know you’re thinking about him. Nothing he feels he has to respond to and that way, you also don’t get your feelings hurt when he doesn’t respond. Stay busy with other things in the meantime.

Yes. that is normal for someone grieving a parent.

Sweetie, you need to take a chill pill and back the hell off before you drive him away. Why so needy? You’re in major cling mode. No, you should not take offense at not being invited to the memorial. He knows you’re there. Every day is way too much, that’s thinking and acting like a girl. A text or call once a week is enough. He will get in touch with you if he needs you. Go on about your life. It could take weeks or months for him to process this. Don’t force him into breaking up with you.

Thank you all so much for your advice. I am giving him his space and trying to not take anything personally, it just helps to hear over and over again that this has nothing to do with me and that everyone grieves differently.

I’ve had both parents die and all I’m going to say is this is about HIM, not you, and you need to take a step back and let him be.

His primary focus is on his father’s funeral right now, as well as his family members because they NEED HIM, you do not as your a grown strong independent woman who’s not going through a life crisis right now. He’s knows where to reach you, so I would highly advise leaving him alone and filling your days up with other things to do. The more you push, the more he’ll pull away, which is why he’s not responding–he’s telling you to back off saying it.

Let him fill in the space when he’s ready. Your relationship is too new and need to show him that its OK for him, as an adult MAN, to handle things the way he needs/wants to handle them.

My boyfriends cousin killed himself just just yesterday morning. And I’ve been with him for a year and 5 months. But during that we had a 6 months break because he lost he greatest companion, his dog. It was his first and last time going out in the road. in those 6 months I learned that how he grieves is completely different. He isolates himself and doesn’t talk to anyone. My advice is to not hover over him and no push text and calling him. If he leaves you on read and doesn’t respond to you don’t take it personal. He knows that if he needs you you’re there for him. Just be there for him. Don’t take anything personal that would normally hurt your feelings. He will come around eventually everything will be okay. Good luck.

*Taking it personally is not helping.