Home › Forums › The Community Lounge › His Best Friend Insults Me … What Do I Do?
- This topic has 10 replies and was last updated 8 years, 8 months ago by
Shelly.
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Jessica
My boyfriend of almost 2 years bought season tickets to football games with his best friend. they each got 2 tickets so they could bring a guest and my bf wants to bring me to each game. The problem is that his best friend becomes obnoxious and rude when he drinks- which is what you do at a tailgate. His best friend is notorious for this behavior, so I’m not the only one that thinks this.
So this past weekend, he got mad at me for something that clearly wasn’t my fault, and called me ‘incompetent’ and ‘too dumb to even do anything’. My bf wasn’t around when he said this, so he didn’t say anything to his best friend. (And I didn’t say anything either- I’m not confrontational, especially to drunk idiots … not worth it.) But my bf and the other friend that was there both told me to ignore this guy because he’s a jerk and don’t let what he says bother me.
But it does! I don’t want to spend my free time on the weekend getting insulted! I felt like crap the rest of the day because I hate when people insult me. I tried to ‘consider the source’ because I don’t really care about his opinion, but it still hurt me. Am I being way too sensitive, or am I right for not wanting to just ‘ignore it’ because I don’t deserved to be spoken to that way?Amy S
The guys a loser and everyone knows it. Laugh it off and be nice to him. Hes the one with a problem dont make it yours. x
Janel
I think your boyfriend should say something to him. Maybe I’m old fashioned, but if my boyfriend’s friend was insulting me fairly often (even if he is drunk), I would not stand for it and I would EXPECT that my bf would have a conversation about it with his friend while he was sober. If your bf doesnt see the importance of defending you, then that should worry you as to what else your bf might not be willing to defend you from in the future. Especially after being together for 2 years, your bf should be putting you before his (rude/immature) friends (its not like you two just met a few months ago). At the very least, I think you should have a conversation with the guy who insults you when he’s sober. Just make it clear that you don’t like his behavior and will not tolerate it. Then, if he continues to behave this way after you’ve made it clear to the guy and your bf that it bothers you, stop attending the football games.
Or, you could just laugh it off and avoid him. But I have a feeling that his insults deeply affect you and so I think that bottling up your emotions on the topic might just make you more upset especially since you will see this guy every weekend!
Boog
My ex husband had a friend who was very rude and offensive. On more than one occasion his friend said or did things that were inappropriate to me (commenting on my breasts, grabbing my behind, and telling me off in front of his group of friends for “always being around”, to name a few). Each time this happened I spoke to my ex and explained to him how awful it made me feel and how embarrassing it was to me. He never said anything to his friend and told me “that’s just how he is, everyone knows it, just try to ignore him.” I always felt hurt that he didn’t defend me, and I assumed that the problem was just mine.
My ex husband is my ex for a reason–and the primary reason is that he never prioritized me in his life. His refusal to defend me to his friend was a red flag that I should have paid attention to. He shouldn’t have been okay with his friend groping me. He shouldn’t have been okay with his friend telling me off. The fact that he was willing to let these things slide in order to avoid a fight with an idiot friend who he no longer even speaks to should have shown me how little he was and would be willing to do for me.
My boyfriend now would never stand for that type of behavior from a friend. If you were complaining about the fact that your BF’s friend drank too much and was just an idiot, then fine, maybe you should just ignore it. But if you are being insulted and offended by someone’s behavior, you shouldn’t need to stand for it. And I can’t imagine why your boyfriend would want to stand for it, either.
Jessica
Thank you for your input. My bf wasn’t there at the time which is why he didn’t say anything. When other things that could’ve been offensive were said that day, he did stick up for me. Even though I wasn’t offended by what his friend said. When I told him what his friend said, he offered to talk to him about it. I told him not to. If his friend doesn’t do it again, I didn’t want to make a big deal of it and I didn’t want to look like a baby. My bf said that while he totally understands if I didn’t want to be around his friend, he would hope that I would just realize he’s a jerk and still come so I can spend time with my bf. Also, he said to come get him immediately if he isn’t there when his friend says something so he can come over and address the situation when it happens. I just don’t want to start causing fights, because if his friend really said something disrespectful, I know my bf wouldn’t have any problem really telling his friend off. I’ve seen him stand up for his other friends before and I just don’t want to cause problems. I have no idea why he continues being his friend, but it’s his choice and I don’t want to be the reason for them to start arguing or something.
Serena
No man worth a damn allows anyone to mistreat his woman. If he won’t stand up for you, that should tell you something. Minimize your exposure to this guy and NEVER get with him alone.
Boog
“I just don’t want to cause problems.”
Sorry, but the jackass friend is the one causing problems here.
Xyz
I have to ask… How old are you?
You stated that your boyfriend has no problem standing up for you. Then you complain you don’t want him to have to do this or make a problem..
What do you want! ?
I beleive you are being childish. Just ignore him, don’t go, or tell your boyfriend who already said he would tell the man to stop.
I think you are creating drama. The only other solution is that your boyfriend tell his friend NOT to be there. And that isn’t going to happen. Be mature and get over it. Unless he is touching you or calling you obscene words/names, ignore it.
We all have to deal with difficult people in work and in life. Use this as a chance to mature those skills.
Rose
Seems like he’s jealous of you. Some very immature guys who have a dude crush on their friend act like this. Do not entertain his behavior, the less time you spend time alone with this loser the better.
Stay near people who can listen to what he says and if you end up alone with him get out of there. Don’t talk to him when he’s drunk.
You can’t do much but to stay away from him. I would opt not to hang out with him at all.
Jessica
Thank you for that insight. I think that may be partly what it is- and the other part is that he’s too immature to handle it well. My boyfriend confronted him about it yesterday and told him to stop insulting me, and his friend said that I had insulted him earlier. My boyfriend was right there when I supposedly insulted him, so my boyfriend stood up for me to his friend and said that wasn’t an insult on my part and he needs to be more mature and just stop with the nonsense. I guess I understand why his friend responded that way- he was ‘in trouble’ and wanted to get out. Immature, but understandable.
But I agree. I think this second incident shows how immature he is, and until he grows up, the only way to avoid situations like this would be to avoid direct interaction with him whenever possible. Of course, I wish my bf would stop being such good friends with him, but since I can’t control that, I can only control when I say and do.Shelly
You just said that your boyfriend stood up for you to his friend and said that wasn’t an insult on your part – so you did say something to him first??? The best thing that you can do is NOT instigate this guy in any way whatsoever. Don’t talk to him at all. When you are at the game, don’t have anything to do with him and just steer clear of him. And by all means, don’t say anything that he might grab onto to start an argument about.
Also, he’s just calling you dumb and stuff like that, right? Unless you really ARE incompetent, just ignore him because he’s obviously just immature. Whatever you do, do not stoop down to his level!
You have already told your boyfriend about it, he said he would stand up for you, so let him do it and try not to create MORE drama by making too big of a deal about it.
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