Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › He’s married, what do I do
- This topic has 59 replies and was last updated 4 years, 8 months ago by
Rox.
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Rox
I have been dating this man 6 weeks. We have spent a lot of time together including going on a trip abroad last week and I felt we had got very close in that time.
I’ve just found out via social media that he was married and has two kids. There was no evidence that he is still married as I didn’t see any photos of he and his wife together past 2016 but I asked him about his past relationships before and he told me he’s never been married and doesn’t have any kids.
I sent him a photo of him and his wife at their wedding, I didn’t know how else to let him know that I knew. He responded that they are not together and he had wanted to see me to tell me everything there is to know.
I haven’t been responding to his messages for now but he is saying they separated 2 years ago after she cheated (he did tell me that his ex ‘girlfriend’ had cheated on him) but he struggles to talk about it.
Perhaps this is the truth, but he still lied to me for 6 weeks and he is still married. I just feel sick I don’t know what to say or do.
Ewa
do nothing, block and move on, he is clearly a liar, no point wasting your time.
he will come up with more lies so no point even speaking to him
hs
nothing wrong with dating a seperated man. something really wrong with a man who lies to you about very critical info about himself, such as being divorced/seperated, having children, work status, etc. This is the type of stuff that you are 100% open and honest about from day one. If he can lie about this, imagine what else he can lie about. Block him and move on
Raven
He’s a liar!
T from NY
I think there are some things you can’t come back from. Lying about having been married, lying about having children definitely fit in this category. And ironically I would be less concerned about the MAJOR deal it is to lie about such huge life events and your babies — and more concerned about what kind of mental state you have to be in or kind of person you have to be to do such a thing. This is a – run – type situation. No chit chat. Full stop.
tammy
I think he shld have come out clean right from the start. or at the most before getting physical with you or before taking you for an intimate trip. he set out with lies and continued with his lies. if you hadn’t found out he would have continued lying. what is there to even think? whats happened has happened. you cant go back and undo things. what you can do is decide that you will not let such a person remain in your life. cut outthe crap and move on. you don’t need such men in your life dear.
Liz Lemon
Wow, I’m sorry OP. I totally agree with all the above. When did he intend to tell you? Also, what kind of mental state must he be in to lie about something so huge to begin with? And what else is he capable of lying to you about? He has totally shattered your trust. There’s no turning back from this.
Newbie
I seriously doubt if the wife knows there is a divorce pending and that she cheated on her husband. Even if she does, you dont lie about these kind of things if you are seriously looking for a partner. I would never see him again because he has bad news written all over him
A
I’m sorry that you were a victim to his lies. But this guy seems like a con artist, charmer, manipulator and pathological liar, all classic characteristics of a narcissist. Run for the hills, as it will only get much worse, I can promise you that. Everything that he had done this far are major red flags. Block and move on.
kaye
WTF??!?! All the sudden he wants to tell you everything there is to know? What happened to being honest with you 6 weeks ago? And why would he lie about being married and having children? Did you tell him you don’t want to date a guy with kids or a guy who was divorced?
And how long would this charade have gone on if it weren’t for social media? Who cares if they separated 2 years ago. And how can you even be around someone for 6 weeks and not mention your kids? Does he not have custody?
I would tell him to stop messaging you as you have nothing to say to a man who can lie about these things and he has broken all trust and the relationship is over.
Tallspicy
The bigger issue is that you did not just tell him to F off. You were open to any discussion. I think you should look deep inside and think about why you do not believe you deserve better. Because only someone who believes that would keep engaging on this malarkey.
Khadija
Do not meet with this man to talk anything over.
If you do I think he will find a way to keep you around.
Block him and move on. Lying about marriage and kids is a big deal. He should have been honest from the get go.
What if you had not snooped around on social media?
Roz
I ignored his messages and calls all day. He sent me numerous messages pleading his ‘innocence’ over the situation with his wife to prove she cheated including screen shots of her conversations with her lover and conversations between them with her saying she doesn’t owe him any explanations because they are separated.
I believe she cheated, I believe they are separated. But I can’t get over the fact that he lied like this. When I eventually spoke to him this evening he says he lied because in the beginning he didn’t want to tell a stranger about what she had done to him and as time went on he didn’t ever feel there was a right time but swears he was going to tell me the next time we were together.
He said the divorce will be too complicated right now but if I contact her she will tell me that they are separated. I don’t feel that is something I want to do because the deceit has overwhelmed me- I have never been in a situation like this before and I don’t feel I need to talk to this wife (who is a vile woman if those screenshots are legit) if I don’t want to continue with him.
I’ve told him I need some space to clear my head and process everything.
Rox
Well I guess the lie doesn’t cost him 100000’s like a divorce would.
Meg
“I’ve never been married and don’t have any children.”
Let’s cut to the heart of the matter.
Gigantic big huge LIE about a critical, material fact subject. Not to mention, he’s still legally married. His wife cheated on him and they’re separated because of it. So what.
If this isn’t crystal clear evidence to you he is not ready to move forward by any stretch and he’s going to tell more lies, if you think you should ever see or speak to him again… you really don’t value yourself.
Block. And don’t look back. Please.
SayWhat??
Divorce is too complicated right now?? After being apart two years??????
There it is. He’s not going to get divorced anytime soon. If they ever actually go through with it. I bet he forgives her over time for the sake of the kids and he goes back.
Look on this site. Look at the stories. Do NOT date a separated man. You’ll get love bombed and then he’ll get cold feet and tell you he’s “not ready for a relationship right now” but will still want to date you/sleep with you.
Six weeks and you’ve already been on a trip abroad together. You’re already moving way too fast.
You’ll get burned, bad, if you entertain him any further.
Phoebe
Everyone here has given you excellent advise. Please listen and get out of this trainwreck!
Paige
I went through something similar. Do what I did and cut him off.
Raven
He’s diluting the issue…
He lied cos his wife cheeted… SMH& he’s STILL married.
Hope
You got too invested too fast. If you hadn’t slept with him already and gone on a trip out of the country with him, you would know exactly what to do without a second thought, which is walk away and never look back. He deliberately tried to create a lot of intimacy upfront so you would get hooked and be willing to overlook the deception. Because he knows perfectly well no one in their right mind would date a man who is separated two years with no plans for divorce. I agree with the person who said it’s very likely he will get back with her for the kids at some point. Or else he would have filed for divorce by now. This is all just so wrong, don’t get sucked in and used as his comfort toy until he decides to go home.
Rox
They separated 2 years ago but tried to get back together it didnt work and he then found out she was cheating. The divorce is complicated because of his net worth.
I don’t think I got invested too quickly, we had at least one date a week since our first and we had been dating for a month before we slept together and living in Europe a trip abroad isn’t such a big deal it was an hour plane flight and for just 2 nights.
Seeing the evidence of her cheating (I also know from her Instagram she is still seeing the other man) I don’t want to put details here but I think anyone would struggle to go back to someone after the things she did.
Molly
You would be very surprised at what people can get to be willing to overlook when their children are concerned and losing half their stuff or more and getting tagged for alimony and child support will cost.
If you are even considering seeing or speaking to this man again, you’re crazy. And you’re going to be in for a lot of drama and heartbreak. Plus… it doesn’t sound like he’s going to get divorced any time soon. On top of the fact he’s a big liar. Sorry but this is an obvious block and forget forever.
Madeline
By continuing to engage in discussion with this man, you are leaving the door open to be further manipulated.
You were trying to rationalize this situation by saying his wife cheated on him. So what? It’s his problem.
A married man with kids wont let go of the family so easily. Believe me, I have been there.
He will string you along with all the drama for as long as you will allow it.
Turn around and RUN.Rox
I know you are all right. The thing is that my mother and friends are telling me if I like him then continue seeing him and see what happens. Maybe because they haven’t experienced anything like this as some of you here have and know the outcomes.
I’m just so confused and have so many what ifs in my head..
Newbie
You can keep seeing this man and believe all his lies were not so bad and believe his ex is aweful but the endresult will probably be the same: he wont become your man. Because either he is a lying scumbag who will move on to other women or he is newly separated and will play the field telling women he has no kids and he will move on to other women
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