This topic contains 11 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by Lilly 2 days, 3 hours ago.
April 7, 2021 at 1:08 pm #854676
So I’ve been seeing a guy for about a month. We see each other about once or twice a week and everything is going fine. He had been in and off with his last ex over the past year, they finally broke up a few months ago. She happen to come up in my people you may know on Facebook and I looked at her page and noticed she had put up a selfie of herself a few days ago (total thirst trap type pic) and he liked it. I then went on Instagram and looked her up, she had posted the same pic on there and he liked it there as well! I guess this just bothered me because it was clearly a selfie where she looked really pretty and wanted people to notice. Secondly I’ll admit I’m still bothered that they follow each other on social media to begin with, especially since they’re breakup is fairly recent. He did tell me they ended on friendly terms due to wanting different things and then told me something like “sometimes love just isn’t enough” so does that mean he’s still in love with her?April 7, 2021 at 1:28 pm #854683
On and off is never a good sign for future relationships.
Do you know why they broke up , who broke up with who
You might be a reboundApril 7, 2021 at 1:32 pm #854684
Yes, it means it is a very recent breakup and love does not disappear over night. You have only known this guy for a month you know he was in a recent breakup so that right there are 2 reasons you move with caution and see his actions with you.
What I am concerned about is your insecurity and the fact that you are already looking for information on his on his ex-girlfriend (and making comments about her “thirst trap type pic”).If you feel he is not over his ex then say something and do something (such as just being friends with him) because it is worst on you to continue look for clues that he is still interested in his ex. IMO I think he is not over her and within good reason they just broke up and on friendly terms so right now he is probably confused on what he wants and you should not be in the middle of his dilemma.April 7, 2021 at 2:31 pm #854697
I wasn’t looking for her, she happened to appear in my friend suggestions and I clicked on her profile out of curiosity (I’m sure most people would do the same if it was staring you right in the face like that). As for my comments about her selfie, I’m just calling it like I see it, to me putting up a selfie unless there’s some special scenery in the background is a thirst trap.
While they ended on friendly terms, they’re not really friends as they haven’t been in contact since the breakup. So other than on social media it’s not like she’s still in his life.April 7, 2021 at 2:34 pm #854698
He broke up with her because she wanted children and he doesn’t (he’s divorced and has children). I don’t want anymore children either as I’m divorced and have kids as well.April 7, 2021 at 3:48 pm #854707
Ok to me it seems like she broke up with him… But anyway you only know one side of the story .But also at least you know that they had a really good reason to break up and chances of them getting back together are pretty slim.
Don’t overinvest thoughApril 7, 2021 at 3:57 pm #854711
I am sure this is hard to see. That said, if they broke up over such a big life preference, then I wouldn’t worry about it.
I had a situation with the last guy I was serious about before meeting my husband. We were off an on for about 7 months because I wanted a partner and he wanted few trappings. That said, we were pretty compatible, so that’s why it was so off and on. One of us would think we could change, we’d get back together and realize we couldn’t. I had planned a birthday party for myself and had invited my ex even though we weren’t technically together at the time. In the meantime, I had gone on about 9-10 dates with my now husband and spent a fair amount of time on the phone with him, and it had become awkward to -not- invite him to my party, so I did because I was really developing feelings for him. And in the meantime, he had had a date with someone a few days before my party. But in the end, he wanted what I wanted- to merge his life (and his son’s) with someone else’s. It all worked out because my ex couldn’t come to the party anyway, and that was that. I still only have positive thoughts about my ex. We are not friends on social media because once I got serious about my now husband, I stepped away from my ex. My husband did the same with a very toxic, codependent friendship he’d had. And it wasn’t even a discussion. We just fit, so we set boundaries.
So, don’t make judgements so quickly about him liking her pics. You’ve only been going out a month. You have no idea how that behavior will change (or not) when you’re technically bf/gf. Just try to relax and not overthink things. Good luck!April 7, 2021 at 6:07 pm #854742
I get what you’re saying and I’m glad it worked out in your case. I just feel funny dating someone who’s pining over his ex (if that’s what’s happening) and maybe I sound crazy but the fact that he liked that same pic on two different social media platforms is—if not a red a flag—a raised eyebrow at the very least.April 7, 2021 at 11:55 pm #854794
I agree with you Lilly. I’m not sure if I would continue to see him right now if I was in this situation.
Although wanting/not wanting children is a life choice that can’t be bridged, I feel he is still in love with her. If that’s the real reason for their breakup, I think he’s still pining away for her. Especially when he says “sometimes love is not enough”.
Plus it was only a month ago.
I’d steer clear because I think you have entered rebound city here. Sorry.April 8, 2021 at 4:23 am #854880
T from NY
What Sophia said.April 8, 2021 at 5:21 am #854898
Any selfie is a thirst trap? I suggest you work on your judgy skills and maybe try to vamp up your life so you are not jealous about that, we judge what we think we are missing. You are mixing up your jealously and judging her for being different than you. It is not a good look. I suggest you pay attention to if he talks about her a lot. If so, that is creating actual distance and needs a discussion.April 11, 2021 at 2:57 pm #856360
So little update:
Found out the reason they were on and off was because of him going back and forth on having children. So I asked him what’s stopping him from him changing his mind this time? And he said he’s sure now that he doesn’t want them and went on to tell me all the reasons why (his age, his kids, etc), but I’m not sure whether to believe him or not.