Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › Help! Bf ignoring me
- This topic has 17 replies and was last updated 2 years, 10 months ago by
Maddie.
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Fiona
My bf is not responding to my calls. Our last conversation was Friday night and haven’t heard from him Saturday and Sunday today. It’s kinda annoying me. I phoned him once yesterday and once today but no response. He’s been online so surely he’s seen it.
What should I do? Even if he’s busy surely he can phone for half a minute to say hello/ he’s busy as a reply. Thanks m tempted to just ignore him for a few days if he phones.
Lane
How long have you been together?
Did you have an argument or fight? If so, he probably needs some cooling off (aka “time out”) as men HATE fighting with their ladies.
I just know if a BF ever ignored me, without any probably cause (reason), I would ignore him back permanently.
Persephone
As tempting as it is, don’t play games. Instead, try giving him a little space and make yourself busy with interesting things to do in the meantime. I’m not sure how long you’ve been together, but if he’s trying to process something he may feel like he has to figure things out on his own.
Raven
Are you sure he’s ok?
Lisa
It’s too soon to say for sure. If you’re a committed couple and things have been fine, he’s probably just focused on other things. It’s only really been a day. Don’t overreact. Stop staring at your phone, stop texting and phoning and go do something to take your mind off him. If you haven’t heard from him by say Wednesday then you can assume he’s ghosted you but right now this is no big deal. Take a deep breath.
Fiona
Finally I can see everyone’s reply! Thanks for replying to my post :) Not sure if there’s some sort of IT problem. I can see Raven replied to my IT post but again I can’t see anything as soon as I click on it.
Anyway…
No, we didn’t have a fight or argument. We’ve been together nearly 2 years. And yes Raven, he’s fine. He’s been online all day on his playstation.
I’ve been busy all day myself but still partly thinking about it at the back of my head. Okay Lisa, I’ll not over react.
KarinaDogLover
Hi Fiona,
Your bf is online all day on his play station. Maybe he is having a game marathon with his friends/online community. I don’t play game much myself, but I know some of my guy friends do and they could play the whole weekend.
You can talk to him about it. Next time, when he plans to go all in gaming, he could give you a heads up in advance then you would make plan for yourself and would not try to contact him. He would get all the time he needs without “distraction” and you would not feel being ignored.
Erin
Arrange a date so you two can get together and touch base with each other. Don’t try to handle this over text or phone ,you’ve been in a 2 Year relationship so you need to do it the more traditional way.
Lane
Well having this information changes my original post somewhat but its still not OK for him to blank you like that.
Is this the first time he’s done it, or is it becoming a pattern/trend? If its a one-off (first time) he may have just been craving some alone time, where asking him why he didn’t respond will provide you with the answer. If its starting to occur more frequently then its something that needs to be addressed. In this case, I would CALMLY sit him down, and tell him that you don’t like being ignored, or neglected, as that’s how you feel when he doesn’t respond. Men aren’t mind readers so you have to let them know what bothers you so you can correct it v. allowing the elephant(s) to take over relationship.
Fiona
Thanks everyone! Just an update, he finally phoned and explained he had a busy weekend with friends and then he wasn’t feeling too great afterwards. But he did phone in the end.
But this week he’s been quite quiet. Just me phoning first. Something seems off. I asked him today if everything was ok/ what’s wrong, and I didn’t like his tone when he said nothing + why do u you keep asking.
I just left it there. No argument or anything. What should I do? Should I just ignore him?
And to answer Lane, occasionally he goes quiet for a few days/ a week or two, but still keep up with some form of communication, so just the bare minimum. I hope this is one of those weird weeks, as I hate (and I mean hate) when it’s only one sided convos, it’s like draining water from a rock.
Liz Lemon
How old are you both? And how often do you see each other in person?
I wouldn’t badger him about what’s wrong. Guys hate that. But I do find it rude that he was gaming online with friends all weekend and he ignored you for over a day, and couldn’t even text you to tell you he was busy.
Bottom line, you can’t police his behavior– you can’t make him call you, or answer your calls. But he should *want* to, because you’re his girlfriend and he should want to keep you in the loop.
Don’t play games and intentionally ignore him. But if you know this is a pattern of him pulling away, then you should mirror his actions. Get busy with other things. If you’re the one always calling him, stop calling. Let him reach out to you when he’s ready. When he does reach out, respond warmly, don’t ignore him or go cold. I agree with Lane, if this is a pattern you should have an in-person discussion about this. I would not be OK with a boyfriend of 2 years going silent on me for days/weeks at a time. I understand having a busy day or two, or needing an evening to yourself, but a week or two seems excessive to me when you’re in a long term relationship.
Tallspicy
Take a huge step back. Stop initiating and trying to see him. Let him do the work until you know if he will or won’t. And if he won’t, end it.
Fiona
We’re both in our mid twenties and work full time. I may have worded it badly when I say he goes silent for a week or two. He still keeps up with daily texts but the bare minimum like hey how’s your day and doesn’t reply after I ask him the same question back. He’s an engineer so he works outdoors a lot and. I get he doesn’t always have his phone on but..
We are both catholic so don’t live together, and we see each other once sometimes twice a week.
Something just feels off, ugh like a gut feeling. Texted him this morning about something mundane and he’s not replying. BUT… he’s online on facebook twice already (sorry I did a little bit of stalking). I feel like all my rationales go out the window, and I can’t help but wonder if he’s speaking to someone on fb. I’m so insecure and cant stop thinking about this.
I’m going to take everyone’s advice and mirror him and stop texting/calling.
Tallspicy
Focus on you… you cant control him.
And this is not personal.But honestly, if you are only seeing a bf once a week, it was never that strong especially if you live in the same city. That is not the sign of two lives coming together, and my guess is he has been pretty distant the whole relationship.
Instead of focusing on him, really think about if this is what you want in a relationship. Take off the rose colored glasses.
Raven
You’ve been together for 2 years & you only see each other 1 or 2 times a week?
Liz Lemon
I still think sending a generic text and then not replying or engaging with you afterwards– for days/weeks at a time– qualifies as going silent. That would not be acceptable to me in a relationship, especially a relationship of 2 years duration. If I text a question, I expect a response. If I text something mundane, I expect at least some kind of acknowledgement- it’s not OK to be ignored. So I understand your gut response, you are not unreasonable to be upset by this.
I agree with Tallspicy’s point. If this is a pattern, I suspect your bf is not terribly engaged in the relationship as a whole. That coupled with the fact that you only see each other once a week, after two years. You’re both young and (presumably) childless, I assume there’s nothing keeping you from seeing each other more frequently? In that case, I agree with the point that this doesn’t seem like a relationship that’s going anywhere, I’m sorry to say.
Ewa
have you been on holiday together, spent weekends together or you just see him and go home? He doesn’t seem interested, I think you should ask him where does he see his future and listen if he is going to mention you in his future plans. That’s how I ended my 2 years long relationship even though he was nice to me etc he never included me in his future plans….
but to me your guy has already checked out of the relationshipMaddie
I don’t agree that he may not be that interested in you or fully checked out, but I think he may not be that interested in a fuller romantic relationship. If he hasn’t escalated things past seeing you once or twice a week over two years, this is the relationship and level of space and distance he’s comfortable with. If that’s okay with you, great. If you’re looking for more intimacy and forward momentum, this probably isn’t it. You will want someone looking for the same type of relationship, closeness, and levels of intimacy you want, or you’ll end up anxious, insecure, and miserable. Which I think is what’s happening now, and is incompatibility. It’s a sad and frustrating situation, but you may have outgrown him in this relationship.
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