Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › He said I love you, but hasn't said it first since
- This topic has 5 replies and was last updated 9 years, 10 months ago by
celesteannv.
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ali
Hello ladies! Ali here with a question about my boyfriend…
As some of you know, this is my first real relationship. We’ve been together about 4 months now and it’s going really well! I’ve never been treated so well. After dating plenty of guys and learning my lessons the hard way, it’s just so nice to know what a real relationship should be back like. But so on to my question…
He said I love you at 2 months when he was drunk, he didn’t remember the last part of the night so I didn’t say anything in the morning. At 3 months he said he was falling in love with me. I mentioned the drunk night and he was a bit embarrassed that’s how he said it first but then said he meant it then that he loves me. And we had a nice little “I love you” “I love you too” moment.
Since then though, it’s always me that’s said it. I don’t say it excessively- just when I’m leaving his house to head home or when he did something sweet like getting me a gift/balloons/flowers for my birthday. I did ask him why he hasn’t said it first, and he said he’s not used to saying those words and it’s a new love so he’s still getting used to it. To me, it’s exciting to hear a man loves me, so I’d like him to feel comfortable saying it. But I know that he does love me by his actions so I’m not extremely stressed/worried about this. I’m just curious what you guys think.
I’m thinking maybe I just don’t say it for awhile and wait for him again? Or do I continue to say it when I feel like it as long as I don’t go overboard? Thanks girls!
Lane
Every guy’s different, some can easily say it but many don’t. As a woman I would need to hear it from time to time as they need to be able to speak our language :-)
I recently watched a Steve Harvey show where the couple were in love, but he never said it to her, not even on their wedding day! She KNEW he loved her because he treated her so well, was very loving, kind, great provider and father to their 2 girls, but he would never tell her “I love you”. He told Steve he loves her dearly but wasn’t raised in a household that said these words and it didn’t feel natural for him to do so. He did it by SHOWING and DOING for her—his language.
Steve sent him out into Chicago I believe where he yelled to everyone that listened that he loved his wife while also carrying around a billboard. When they met back up, he said he would TRY to say it more often, not only for her but for his daughters too as he really didn’t want them to grow up in the same household he did.
Based on what he told you, I’m providing an example of WHY he may not be saying it as well as the relationship still being new. He’s not fully comfortable with it yet, so give him a bit more time without too much prompting and hopefully he will get there soon :-)
Ali
That sounds like an interesting episode! And you make some valid points. We both grew up on families where our parents didn’t tell us they loved us all that often. It was just an understood fact. His family is the same. He says he feels awkward when his mom says it to him as it’s a new thing she recently started doing.
I wish my family said it more often which is why I think I’d like him to say it more. Right now I feel like I shouldn’t say it to him. But maybe I should continue to say it when I feel like it so he’ll get more comfortable? Lol idk!
Harley
Hi Ali.. i agree with Lane.. some guys just aren’t good at saying it. It’s the actions that count. Perhaps he is embarrassed over him saying it first and your delayed reaction last time.. he is “afraid” to “put himself out there again”.. a little nervous/afraid/insecure perhaps.
I think.. YOU just keep saying it and in time he will hopefully get more comfortable. YOU are just feeling a little bit insecure now and YOU have to be strong and believe in your love. Sometimes it’s HARD being the strong one all the time. A bit further down the road perhaps you should communicate to him nicely that you’d love to hear him say “I love you ” more.. that it makes you feel all warm and fuzzy inside and you appreciate knowing he makes you feel sooooooooo loved.
Ali
Thanks Harley! I do wonder if I should’ve told him the next morning what he said when he was drunk, but at 2 months in I guess I didn’t think guys could be in love at that point! Him not saying it now is making me a bit insecure but you’re right, I need to keep saying it and down the road a bit I can mention something
celesteannv
I am coming from a different place. My family said it all the time and I do as well.. EXCEPT to my guy.
I know he DID not come from that place with his family and it is very hard for him to be so vulnerable.
My ex said it all the time.. even at the end of our marriage when we were fighting all the time and while he was cheating on me. My first love after my divorce also said it very easily and it felt right so I said it back. But coem the first major issue.. he bailed on the relationship.So.. like it has been said here a million times.. – Actions not words. While both would be nice, I’ll take genuine actions any day.
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