This topic contains 6 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by Maddie 1 week, 5 days ago.
January 25, 2023 at 4:30 pm #940239
I was seeing someone for almost a month n we met up about 5 times and I thought he was really sweet n matured, he was 38 and I was 25. He told me he was a relationship guy. Until something happened, we were supposed to meetup over fri/next weekend but he cancelled cause he wanted to catch up with his friends that he haven’t met for a long time n I was fine with that. Fri night came n I was drinking with my friends and he texted me at 1am plus telling me to meet him n his friends at a party event so I went to find him n he was with two female friends, I felt a little bit threatened but I did greeted them n wasn’t particularly interested in mingling with them and was focusing on my date, we left the place after like 5 mins and the two girls left to another club in a cab without us and my date told me his friends think I was being a b**** to them which got me baffled cause we only seen each other for less than 10mins and they straight up judge me for being unfriendly:/ n he straight up sided with them when I ask for his humble opinion n his reasoning was he knew them for 5 years . N I did question him why did he ask me to meet him so late at night and not during the start to meet his friends n he told me I was being dramatic for putting this on him when I express my concern that am I being too convenient and like a back burner for his plans n he tell me to go home .N he said he will prioritize meeting his friends over me just because he knew them a lot longer n he knew me only for a month. It completely crash me and it was a weird confusing space n I didn’t know what to do, I ended up wanting to end connection with him and so I did by sending him a long text message next day and saying we are better off as friends, and he unfollowed me and removed me as follower on Instagram. And when I asked him why did he do that, he said I am a great person really no tension, I only followed people that I knew on Instagram :/January 25, 2023 at 4:39 pm #940240
This guy is mature (age) and he knows how to play the game. He is manipulative, he has no interest in you so he makes it look like whatever you do is wrong so you think you did something wrong to put him off. So then you start apologising and again he will do things to make you feel more guilty.
He is a time waster so whether he prioritised his friends over you or not if doesn’t really matter.January 25, 2023 at 4:43 pm #940241
Why did you respond to any 1am contact at all? My phone is off after 10. I respond the next morning.
And you admit you were not warm to them and focused on him. Why would you do that? When you meet someone whom you are dating friends, you are always gracious, warm and interested. Because… he has known them longer and indeed, they are the priority to some random girl you are dating for a month and only met 5 times, especially if you are not exclusive yet.
You sound very immature and maybe he is not much better, but you are in charge of you. Maturity means not taking 1am calls. Maturity means you are warm and kind to people you just met, especially friends of someone you are dating. Maturity means you don’t expect to be a priority to a near stranger. Maturity means you don’t cut people out of your life on a whim. Maturity means you own your experience when you feel threatened, and have no reason to be.
Grow up, you will have better outcomes. You can take this as a very good learning!January 25, 2023 at 11:07 pm #940243
I think that was a tad rough Tall Spicy.. He sounds like the jerk to me. He is 38, she is 25. He should have been much nicer to someone he called so late to meet him. Granted she shouldn’t have gone at 1 am, but was probably excited to meet up with him. And remember, she had been dating him for just a month and he should be the one trying to impress her.
If this were my daughter, I certainly wouldn’t want a man treating her this way!
I think you got this all wrong,January 26, 2023 at 4:25 am #940247
I agree with tall spicy. Why wld u take calls at 1 am.. and why wld u agree to meet him at 1 am when you alrdy felt he was prioritising his frnds over u? U shldnt hv entertained him at 1 am. And if you felt a little resentful, why go and meet him at 1 am? But u went at 1 am when he askd. U knew he was with his friends. When u are not ready to meet his friends, why did u go at all? By being cold and unfriendly, u obviously ptesented a not so nice picture of yourself to his old friends. He knows u for just a month and hes known them for years! Obviously he will listen to them when they say your not very friendly.
And then to top it, you broke off by text message!
I think you messd things up with this guy by your attitude.January 26, 2023 at 6:43 am #940251
I agree he sounds immature, but I can’t control him and he is not asking for advise. Also, why is a 38 year old dating a 25 year old? That is a fairly large age gap and shows his maturity.
That said, if someone I am dating shows up and is anything other than gracious and warm to my friends (especially before exclusivity), we are most likely done. She took the call and showed up being cold. Then when called out on it, she got defensive and blamed him.
In my opinion, this is more on her than him.January 26, 2023 at 3:44 pm #940266
I think the answer here is a little simpler. It sounds like all of you were too drunk to have met up and then you and him got caught up in a 2am drunk fight. Which isn’t the best look for your mid-20s, but is REALLY not a good look for a man of almost 40!
Age doesn’t mean maturity, and you didn’t know really know him yet after a month and handful of dates, that’s okay. He wasn’t actually that sweet, now you got to know him better through this experience. I also agree to be wary of large age gaps most of the time. Sometimes, they work out. But other times it’s because the older person can’t find people their own age willing to deal with their $hit, and so it can be a sign of control issues and/or immaturity.
You should work on yourself so you don’t feel insecure about yourself or about other women, because that probably did come through when you were drunk. Being cold to them wasn’t necessary! But I don’t think it would have changed much with this specific guy. He doesn’t sound like he was actually serious in the first place. If he was, I think he’d have been nicer to you: rescheduled with you when he initially canceled your plans or invited you to meet up with them earlier, not drunk-dialed you late at night and then told you stop being dramatic because you’re not his priority!
It’s completely fine not to be someone’s priority after a month, that’s perfectly normal in early dating when still getting to know each other, but to say it that way?? Being drunk, tired, and annoyed is no reason to lash out and fight mean if you care about someone and want to build a relationship. That’s not maturity, either, so I don’t blame you for cutting it off the next day. I do hope you learn from this not to have arguments with romantic partners when drunk, wait until everyone’s sobered up and not tired.
Good riddance to him, but as Tallspicy said, there are spots in this story where you can think about your own responses too and what you can learn from. Like, you shouldn’t feel the need to tell a guy you think he has you on the backburner. Instead, take charge of yourself by not agreeing to things that make you feel like you’re on the back burner! In this case, you shouldn’t have met up at 1am, not even because it was 1am (I get it, you were still out anyway…), but because you clearly felt disrespected that he was being so last minute about plans. So just say “not tonight, it’s getting late. I’ll catch you at our next date, and look forward to meeting your friends another time!”
Lastly, I don’t see why you were taken aback when he removed you from social media? Lots of people cut someone off after things have been broken things off. He didn’t owe you anything at that point, I don’t think he was in the wrong about that.