He has depression and our relationship is strained?

Hi – first of all, I’m sorry you are going through this. I know it’s difficult when you want to help someone you love, but your attempts don’t seem to work.

Unemployment is a common cause for depression, so his job loss definitely may have something to do with it. Many people associate a sense of purpose with their career, and struggle to find meaning without it. But what concerns me most is, 1) he doesn’t seem to want help, 2) he’s treating you poorly, and 3) he won’t communicate with you about it.

Is he looking for a job? Are you supporting him financially? If he won’t try therapy, is he willing to at least see a psychiatrist for a diagnosis and possible medication? I know some people will say medication is evil, but really it depends on the individual. I am a person living with depression, and honestly, without antidepressants, I would not still be alive today. That was the only thing that helped me because it corrected the chemical imbalance in my brain.

But back to your boyfriend… It does not sound like he’s being a good partner to you. Understandably, depression is a very hard thing to live with. But it sounds like he’s making no attempt to help himself. Ultimately, a relationship can only be healthy if both members are mentally healthy (or at least working on it) and communication is strong. Your relationship is strained because it’s suffering in these areas. Perhaps you can ask him what you can do to support him through this? Sit him down calmly and say you want to work out a plan of action together? See if he’s willing to at least try.

Absolutely, you deserve to be happy! Good for you for acknowledging that. He has asked for space, so at least he’s communicated that. I think your best course of action is to back off and give him space right now. And don’t sit around being sad. Use this opportunity to connect with friends and family, try something new, do things you’re passionate about, enjoy your life. If you don’t have a lot going on outside of your relationship, then find things to do. Join meetup groups to make new friends and participate in fun activities. Sign up for a class, hit the gym, read a book, binge watch your favorite show, treat yourself to a spa day, shopping, etc. Focus on YOU and loving your life.

This way, he gets space and you aren’t sad. Let him come to you – for now. Obviously you’ll need to spend time together for the relationship to grow, but right now, give him the space he’s requested. See if he comes back less stressed, and in a better head space to communicate.

So many men define themselves by being a provider. When that is taken from them or even just slightly threatened they need space to work it out themselves. Any offers of help, extra understanding, etc. can make him feel even less like a man.

Since you said he switched careers and now doesn’t have a job in that new career it wouldn’t surprise me if he were totally second guessing himself and lacking self esteem.

If you want to salvage this space and not being sad really are what will help. It sounds like he is in touch with his feelings and can communicate them. Men do not move through their troubles by talking like women tend to. They have to work through it on their own.

He didn’t ghost you or tell you he needed a break, and imho that’s really huge here. Go take up a new hobby, see friends, go to the movies- whatever you enjoy. And just remember that his feelings are not yours. You’re independent of each other and you have to take care of yourself.