He gave me his ex wife’s wedding ring


Home Forums Long Distance Relationship (LDR) Advice He gave me his ex wife’s wedding ring

  • This topic has 20 replies and was last updated 1 year ago by Maddie.
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  • #941143 Reply
    Sally

    Hi… just that simple…. We are from different countries and he’s now back to his country … but I found out that he gave me his ex wife’s wedding ring… just got married on April 1st… he doesn’t know I know yet but I am trying to figure out how to handle things … any advice as to how to handle? Does he love me? It’s clear he doesn’t care about his ex wife but me? Why? Any advice is helpful. Thanks

    #941148 Reply
    Raven

    How did you find this out?

    How vastly different are your cultures?

    #941150 Reply
    Sally

    His sister told me and said it looked similar to his ex wife’s

    I’m Filipina. We physically met back in December.

    #941152 Reply
    Raven

    What is his culture?

    #941153 Reply
    Sally

    From the states

    #941154 Reply
    Raven

    Sally, your new husband is a cheapskate & a jerk!

    I don’t want to make assumptions about your whirlwind relationship, so please tell me how you two met…

    #941155 Reply
    Sally

    Thank you for your opinions !

    We met on a dating site. Why do you feel like he’s a jerk?

    #941157 Reply
    Maddie

    Are you sure it is the exact same ring, or just a similar style? Some cultures use only very plain wedding bands, for example, and maybe that is the tradition of his family background in spite of being American. If he recycled his ex’s actual ring instead of getting you your own, that is pretty jerky, and not something American guys tend to do unless they are cheap and thoughtless…

    #941158 Reply
    Sally

    Yep it’s the same ring. It’s very unique. Does that mean he loves me any less ?

    #941169 Reply
    Maddie

    We can’t tell you how he feels about you or his motivations. How much time were you able to spend together in person before getting married? Do you have any plans already in motion to live in the same place soon? Would you be moving to the states with no support system except him once you arrived?

    In a healthy marriage, you shouldn’t be making assumptions or guessing with a spouse, you should communicate feelings and work things out together. But he also shouldn’t have hidden something like that from you in the first place. I just hope you can trust this guy and he is who he seemed to be in the time you were talking and getting to know each other.

    #941171 Reply
    Raven

    I ask my husband about this guy. He was confused!
    He said he was an @sshole.

    Bottom Line:
    You married a man that you don’t know.
    You married a man who doesn’t respect You.

    Why did he return to his country without taking you with him?

    #941172 Reply
    Natz

    Some people might not care about what ring they get as it’s just jewellery but for most people the ring has sentimental value and mean a lot to them. Personally I can’t picture myself wearing another woman’s ring. Especially one from a failed marriage. Rings doesn’t have to be expensive for it to mean a lot but it has to be one chosen especially for you.

    I would address this to him. Unless the ring is a family heirloom, you deserve your own ring.

    #941174 Reply
    Rox

    hi Sally,
    The only ok response to the story would be that the wedding ring is his mother’s and so it is sentimental. In my experience, when people get divorced, they dont give back wedding rings. They take it off, sure . . why would the ex-wife give back a wedding ring? It’s not an engagement ring which people dont keep if they don’t get married.

    Wedding rings are usually chosen together with the husband and wife so they are matching. So, does he not wear one that is similar? Also, they are usually only a couple of hundred dollars – simple designs at least. So, I think before jumping into any conclusions? Why not just ask in an open conversation?

    #941175 Reply
    Raven

    Typically, if a man is passing down a family heirloom, they boast about it… “This was my Grandmother’s wedding ring. My Grandfather worked two jobs to pay for it. I would love for you to wear it as it means so much…”

    #941178 Reply
    Sally

    Thank you everyone for replies

    I have no idea why the wife gave back the ring. I don’t know the story at all. But it’s definitely hers. I only wish it were a family heirloom but it’s not.

    I am trying to find the words to talk to him about this because it’s breaking my heart. I asked my close cousin and she feels like I shouldn’t worry … it’s a representation on how he feels about the ex wife….I don’t know how I feel about him thinking it’s okay to give something she once had to his new wife. He does t know I know.

    He sometimes wears his wedding ring but he immediately took off the ring after the ceremony. I want to talk to him… I am just finding the best way to talk to him.

    #941179 Reply
    Raven

    “He sometimes wears his wedding ring but he immediately took off the ring after the ceremony. I want to talk to him… I am just finding the best way to talk to him.”

    Oh Sally…
    Is this who you really want to be married to?

    #941180 Reply
    Raven

    ps: Your cousin gives really bad advice!

    #941181 Reply
    Raven

    Also: WHY didn’t you go Stateside with him after you two were married.

    #941182 Reply
    Sally

    Oh she said more about things but I dont know the ex wife to assume things. He mentioned her briefly but not too much which I am glad.
    Paperwork is in the works to head over

    My coworker thinks he still loves his ex but I wouldn’t go as far as say that because if he loved her so much, why did he marry me? Plus he gave me her ring. He doesn’t care about her

    #941183 Reply
    AngieBaby

    Open communication and trust are EVERYTHING in a relationship.

    If I were you, I’d tell him straight that you found out and you’d like to understand why he gave you his ex’s old ring. We are only a bunch of strangers on the internet and we can all sit here and speculate and call him names all day long, but you need the truth and you need it from him.

    I’d also be asking why he took off his wedding ring right after you were married. And where is his ex now and are they in any communication for any reason?

    You met online, met in person in December and just got married now, in April? That’s pretty quick, what was the big rush??

    I’d want to get these things straight before I upped sticks and left my home country to live with a foreign man in his country whom I just married but hardly know. This all sounds very fishy. On the off chance you need an annulment, you will spare yourself a lot of logistical headaches if you get the truth now or it’s better to undo this before you move. If this isn’t as bad as it sounds, then you need to establish that truth and honest communication are very important to you and critical to staying together long term.

    #941184 Reply
    Maddie

    Yes. Talk through things with him now while you’re still at home. And make sure that when you move to the states *you* have your passport and enough money personally to have the freedom to leave if things don’t turn out to be what you expected with him, or at least have some friends or other family in the states you could go to if necessary. Don’t end up isolated.

    I doubt his ex has much to do with anything in this situation. Now I’m more concerned that he doesn’t want to wear his own wedding ring?? Hopefully this is just some sort of miscommunication and things work out. But the situation does seem like it could be fishy, so be safe.

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