He doesn't call unless I do…

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This topic contains 10 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  Sadie 1 week, 4 days ago.

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  • #819766 Reply


    We’ve been talking for a month and a half – due to the pandemic we’re not able to meet right now.

    So we text everyday and call occasionally. We are not official by any means yet, just know that we’re both looking for something long term.

    The problem is, I always have to call him. It’s been two weeks since we called, and one week since I asked him to set up a call with me. He has not yet.

    I’m not sure what to do, should I talk to him?

    #819768 Reply


    No I think you should do nothing and live your life. Let him take the lead. It sounds like he has very low interest tbh and you are trying to force this into something it is not.

    1 1/2 month of essentially just texting is not dating. It’s not even really getting to know each other. It’s like having a penpal. Don’t fall into the trap of false intimacy created through texting. Unless you start meeting him in person, this is a nothing burger.

    Not saying don’t reply if he contacts you ( might be a nice distraction during the socially restrictive time of the pandemic), but do yourself a favour and don’t get too invested emotionally.

    #819769 Reply


    What good do you think talking with him will do?

    #819770 Reply



    Thanks for the reply.

    I’m trying not to fall for false intimacy, but I would like to get to know him properly.

    It does feel like we’re just pen pals with no end because of CoVID restrictions and him not calling.

    We text everyday, multiple times a day all week. He continues the conversation without any prompting from me. It seems purposeless to do this all day everyday if we’re not moving to calling to get to know each other.

    #819772 Reply


    For sure. If I were you I would stop replying to his texts and see what he does. There is people who get a kick out of just being texting pals ( pandemic or no pandemic).
    If that is not you ( and it doesn’t sound like it is), I would cut this off now. You have made it clear you want him to call. He hasn’t. Time to step back. I f he is sincerely interested he will step up.

    #819773 Reply


    Why cant you meet? I mean i been in half/semi/full lockdowns for almost 8 months now but i can meet people. You can sit outside and keep 6 feet distance.
    If youre already the initiator of communication higher in the foodchain (texting lowest, calling, skyping, dating highest) you already lost him as a serious prospect. Stop initiating and let him step up for a date.
    You say you dont want to fall for the every day text intimacy but you did already. Your statement we are not official yet is telling from that perspective.
    Im also not a fan of more calling. What is there to say for now? To me its just as pointless as texting at the moment

    #819775 Reply


    Thanks cupcake! I will try and reduce texting to see what happens.


    We don’t live too far from each other but at the border. Before CoVID border crossings were for small things like getting gas everyday were normal. But since the pandemic started, the border has been shut down completely. No one in or out unless you’re family, and with 14 day quarantines in effect if you cross.

    This is why we can’t meet.

    #819786 Reply


    I don’t want to put a damper on your spirits here, but this Corona situation is most likely not going to ease up over the next few months. I don’t know what countries you are living in, but I can guarantee you that the restrictions will only increase over the winter months.

    So you will be wasting your time on this, with or without him calling, i am afraid. Since he already showing low interest, you might as well call it a day completely and focus your romantic energy elsewhere.

    #819787 Reply


    Ask him to dig a tunnel. That should get him going:-) Yeah i think let this one go. Maybe next year

    #819789 Reply


    Technically you can meet at each side of the border though. Unless its like India-pakistan, Mexico-usa kind of border

    #819792 Reply


    It’s the US/Canada border. Trust me, I’ve looked into this, it’s not possible right now unless I am okay with a 14 day quarantine afterwards which I’m not.

    Sigh, yea, maybe this isn’t the one :(

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