Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › He didn't include me in his bday plans
- This topic has 7 replies and was last updated 5 months, 2 weeks ago by
mama.
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Mary
I’ve been seeing a guy for 3 months and we have been exclusive for 1 month.
It was his bday yesterday, and I found out he was going for dinner when he told me yesterday. I wasn’t invited.
He had told me about a party he was doing with his friends this Saturday but he didn’t invite me.
I asked him if he wanted to do something together, so I have booked something for him next week Friday.
I know he might have his own reasons for not inviting me but I do feel hurt that I wasn’t involved in anything.
I’m seeing him on Sunday. I want to bring it up because this has been questioning where I stand with him.
Do you think it’s reasonable for me to tell him that I felt left out, and that I don’t really understand what he means by being exclusive because I expected more communication and involvement in each others lives.
Maddie
You might try framing it as what you’re looking for instead of asking him to tell you where you stand. For example, you’re looking for a relationship where you celebrate things together and can spend time with each other’s friends and family. Therefore, him leaving you out of his birthday plans gives you pause. See what he says, if he gets defensive or dismissive, that’s a bad sign about the kind of boyfriend he’d be. If he listens, talks through it maturely, fixes it, says he’s looking for that too (and future actions match words), then great!
Seems weird he didn’t include you after 3 months of dating, though. Even if he was having some sort of family only dinner and boys night party, I’d expect it to come up before his birthday that he wanted to do something with you too, rather than waiting for you to ask him if he wanted to hang out only after you found out he had other plans. I don’t think I could take him seriously after that, personally. It’s not like he’s someone who simply doesn’t care about birthdays if he’s already got two events planned.
Mary
He had told me about the party which I assumed was a boy’s night but when I found out about the dinner it did feel hurtful.
I think I will start off by saying that I felt left out by not being included in any plans for his birthday until I bought up doing something. I will frame it as you say about what I want but I’m honestly not getting a good feeling about this.
tammy
honestly? this doesn’t look too good. if your exclusive, why would he not include you in his b’day plans? why should you have to ask him to include you in his birthday plans? does it make sense to you? if it’s your birthday, and if you are throwing a small dinner party, would you not invite him? unless it’s just a girls’ night out or a family gathering and you haven’t yet introduced him to your family.
I don’t know it seems kind of sad that you have to ask him why he didn’t invite you for his b’day party. He could have planned something with you the day before or any outing over the weekend with you if his b’day fell midweek or he cldn’t invite you for his b’day dinner. if I was in your place, this would have given me cause to rethink this friendship. I agree with Maddie 100%.
Mary
At this point I’m not even sure if I want to see him on sunday. Shall I just ask him for a phone call and call it quits?
Maddie
A call is a fine idea. If he was being thoughtless and now you’re thinking of ending things, you don’t need to take him out for his birthday first!
Tammy
Yes call off the meeting! Now ur thinking girl. If he wants to throw bday dinners where he doesnt invite his special girl, why shld you take him out for his bday when he doesnt care to spend his special day with you! Avoid meeting this week! If he dsnt care to spnd his bdays with you, why shld u be bothered abt his bday? If you need to meet to discuss, you can do that later! But avoid taking him out for his bday when you feel so hurt and neglected and sad.
mama
It sounds like “exclusive” to him doesn’t mean “girlfriend” it just means you aren’t going to date other people. Curious to know who brought up the exclusivity talk because if it was you it sounds like he is/wasn’t ready for what you think “exclusivity” means.
I would not do the Sunday thing either. But I’m not going to tell you whether to end it or not — you should follow your own gut on that decision.
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