He asked for space but I didn't give it to him


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  • #721258
    Chloe (OP)

    Hi, update,
    He ended up somehow winning back his original girlfriend he cheated on. So there’s that.

    #721260
    Khadija

    Sorry to hear that.

    Looks like the space was in order for him to explore reconnecting with her.

    #721261
    Phillygirl

    Chloe, when you leave out important information like you did here, it really effects the quality of the advice we can give.

    He cheated on his ex? Well then you just dodged a bullet! Cheating demonstrates a lack of integrity.

    Most people who cheat will continue to cheat unless one of 2 things happen:

    a) they finally lose someone they really love and realize they are the issue, or

    b) life teaches them other hard knock lessons and they mature enough to realize this isn’t the way to go.

    Either way, a cheater has to WANT to change, and as long as they get away with it, there is no incentive to change.

    I can almost guarantee he is still up to his cheating ways, especially if she was foolish enough to take him back. Had he continued with you I am certain he would have cheated on you.

    This is the universe letting you know you got VERY lucky.

    #721273
    Emma

    Wait a few more months and he’d hit you up AGAIN. LOL

    In 9o% of “space needing” cases it is an excuse to shop around or in his case, to try and get his ex back. When a guy is into you, he does not need “space” in a way as to officially request it from you. I need space means “can I put you on hold” while I am doing what I want to do. It also means “leave me alone” but wait I until I confirm.

    There are of course some exceptions to this when people were together longer. things can happen in life when you burn out and need time for yourself, or there are circumstances that make you want to be alone (health, etc). But in new relationships, it means what I said above. And it also means you don’t just give them space, you give them all of it. LOL I’d move on right away.

    #745941
    N

    Well, even i did the same mistake. He asked me for space, i tried my best to give him but it was hard. I was still going back to him. I did this for like nearly a week. Do you think its going to get any worse if i start to give him space now after a week of not? But like i dont really know how to say this, we are not even couples but we knew we had feelings for each other and we have been chatting for 1.5 years. And plus, i have only met him once but that time we barely even talked.

    #745955
    Lurker

    N, your penfriend wants space? That’s a really bad sign. Why are you wasting your time with this man?

    #745962
    Raven

    Your non BF who you’ve met once in 1.5 years wants space?

    #746209
    N

    Yes he wants space to know if he really wants things to go in flow as it is or to stop here. His worried if something just doesn’t go as planned, it will hurt us more later. And also his the type of guy who wants peace but recently this one month things arent really good between us. We tend to have arguments a little quite often than usual but eventually the argument will ease down fast. But like i really don’t know if its worth to give him space and wait for the answer or i should just forget him cause this is like my first love and i dont really want to lose it this easily.

    #746215
    Raven

    It’s not Love… You barely know this guy.

    #746222
    Lurker

    How are things bad between two people who’ve met once? I don’t get it.

    I think he’s realising that this isn’t real and it’s time to move on. You should too.

    #746224
    N

    do u all really think it aint love? Cause like he initially even had plans to do stuffs when he meet me. Just because of this thing he said he will probably just give me the gift as a friend if he feels he doesnt love me. But if he does, then he might continue being as he was. We dont meet often cause im few hours apart from his place. Like luker said maybe he does feel so but if he feels so do u think the things i tell him and talk to him would change his mind? Whatever i say, he will still stick to his decision right if he really feel this arent real between us? If he does change his mind just by the things i say the he probably doesnt feel like things arent real ryte?

    #746225
    Lurker

    When you’ve not spent a great deal of time with someone in person, and are forming all your bonds through text conversations, you’re missing lots of information about someone.

    You might feel strongly, but you feel for a fantasy creation, not a real person. If you meet this person again, you might find you don’t like how they are – he might smell bad, he might get in your personal space, he might just have a weird tic or physical habit that drives you mad over time.

    If you want to continue any kind of connection with this person you MUST spend time together in person. Otherwise it’s just a pen friend that is keeping you from meeting someone to do things with, spend time with, hold each other – all the lovely things you do IN PERSON.

    That’s why I think he’s asking for space – he knows that this isn’t a ‘real’ relationship and if there’s no way to close the distance, there’s no point continuing.

    #746227
    N

    So Lurker, do u think its better to meet him this coming may and go out with him? And in the meanwhile until that day, am i suppose to give him space or how? Totally clueless, kindly need yr suggestions…

    #746230
    Lurker

    Unless you’re ever going to live near each other I think you should forget about him and move on. I know you’re invested, but he’s telling you he doesn’t want to hear from you. Listen to him.

    #746231
    lala

    you are not listening. Stop talking to him, your “relationship” is based on fantasy, not reality. End what ever you think you have with him and go find someone close by who wants to spend time with you in person. There is a reason you’re only seen him once, he doesn’t want to meet up wait you, he wants a pen pal. He probably has a girlfriend or is married. Stop all communication with him and move on.

    #746234
    N

    Alright Lurker. I agree to what u say. But i also dont get why he always says i didnt say i wouldnt come back to u.

    #746236
    N

    Lala, we previously studied in the same uni but didnt go out together before as in we went out before but as a group of friends. after that, i changed uni thats y its tough for us. And plus, his not married or having girlfriend, his still single. Even one week back when he said he is scared how this is gonna end and all, he told me to not leave him. Even few days ago, he said he will never forget me and he ask me if he can come to me if he ever feels like. He even mentioned that if there is any single chance for him to regain back what he lost, he will start back from scratch. And also, its not that im not listening but im just clarifying things.

    #746244
    Lurker

    N, it might be best starting your own thread and starting from the beginning. You didn’t tell us you’d known him at university, and he sounds like he likes you but knows that unless you’re actually in the same place you can’t have a relationship. How long do you both have left to study?

    #746249
    N

    Oops,im so sorry Lurker. Well, like i have 5 years to complete my studies and he probably have 2 or 3 years more only. His one year elder than me. We study in the same uni previously but diff course and class so we rarely meet. There was twice we met as a group. He even drop me back to my apartment with his car once before i left the place. It was just a while though so we didnt really have a long convo that time. But other than that, we most of the time chat and call only. We even have mutual friends and i do talk to them often too.I have strict parents too so its tough to meet him often but i am trying my best to somehow meet him. And so we planned to meet this may. But before that, this past one month he was telling me he feels sad and things arent going so well. And also in between we had some arguments which i think would have made him feel more worst. And plus, he always said he likes me but he doesnt know until which extend and he also fears what if separation talks like whats going on now happens again. And also because of his bad mood, his not consistence with his feelings and i got hurt maybe so i questioned him if he really knows what he feels for me but he said not sure he said like but love not ready. He also doesnt want commitments now and i dont want too. For me, i feel if he loves me whats wrong with being close and see what happens later and if there is some circumstances that time which forces us to separate our ways we can just do it then easily cause we know we cant do anything. But like making this decision now and all,i dont know if its right. So due to this issue and all, i really dont know what to do in between before meeting him. Do u think i should give him space before we meet.

    #746267
    lala

    Wake up and listen. this is going nowhere. Drop it and move on. You are so overly invested in a relationship that does not exist that it is creepy. This will never work out, it is so painfully obvious to everyone but you. I’m not saying this to be mean but you need to face reality.

    #783805
    Nene

    We’ve been in a distant relationship for 3 years. We’ve had several fights and good memories. After the last fight he said he thinks he is over with the relationship, then I travelled to see him. When I returned from the trip he said that he just realized that he still loves me and would see what he can do to make the relationship work.
    Few days after that he requested for space saying that he wants to be happy again. He said that he wants us to be in a place that even if the relationship works out we wouldn’t have a repeat of our previous issues.

    Do you think he has gone for good?

    Mod update:

    Hi Nene, thanks for sharing your story and question with our community!

    Your post ended up as part of a topic which was started a long time ago. Our community tends to stay away from old topics like this – one of the reasons is because they’ll start reading the topic only to find out that the latest conversation has nothing to do with the original topic anymore!

    You’re welcome to start a fresh new topic in this forum here, and that will have a much better chance of getting a response from our community.

    Thanks, and best wishes to you!

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