He asked for space but I didn't give it to him


Home Forums Complicated Situation / Mixed Signals He asked for space but I didn't give it to him

This topic contains 45 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  lala 6 days, 21 hours ago.

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  • #708394 Reply

    Chloe

    He asked for space but in my frantic nature I ended up texting him even more than usual to try and figure out his reasoning. Do you think it’s too late to salvage this? We haven’t really been dating that long but I’ve never been asked for space before and it’s tearing me apart. What should I do?

    #708398 Reply

    Bedazzle

    Respect him and give him the space he asked for.

    By not giving him space you showed him you don’t respect him. Men want respect more than love. Don’t know if it is too late, but if you are newly dating, he already asked for space and you didn’t care (respect) him enough to give him that, I am going to say probably not.

    What you should do is get busy with your own life. Find ways to fulfill yourself. Allowing a man to be your primary source of fulfillment will lead to insecurity and disappointment every time.

    #708400 Reply

    Andrea

    You really didn’t provide enough details for anyone to make an assessment.

    How long have you been dating?
    Are you two exlusive?
    Have you already had sex with him, and if so how soon after starting to date?
    What reason(s) did he give for wanting space?
    What are your ages?

    #708402 Reply

    Anne

    To me, asking for space is simple. He’s not crazy over you, he wants out, he’s trying to escape.

    You want to discuss it. If he cared enough to discuss, he wouldn’t want space. Your pestering him is a killer.

    If you really want this man, you need to play it smart and back off. It’s pretty insulting, though, you really should get it through your head that he’s wants out.

    #708414 Reply

    Chloe

    I know the damage has already been done. Should I apologize or just cut off contact?
    We’ve been dating a couple months, exclusively. And we’re both 27 years old, for background.

    #708417 Reply

    Stephen

    I grow oh so weary at all the mealy-mouthed men today. Men could cut their relationship woes by about 80% if they would just learn to stop pussing-footing around women. Instead of asking for a break or space just come right out and say:’ I am not interested in pursuing any sort of relationship with you’. That statement is a little blunt but at least his position has been made clear.

    #708418 Reply

    Pam

    Just stop! The more you text the worse this gets. No, do not apologize. Thatis just a continuation of bothering him when he said to leave him alone. Damage is done. See what happens. Why did he ask you for space. What happened before he said he needed you to back off?

    #708422 Reply

    Chloe

    He just said he had alot of personal stuff going on and wanted some time to focus on that, and he couldn’t give me what I deserved out of a relationship. I feel terrible for continuing to talk to him after the fact, but I can’t really fix that part.

    #708425 Reply

    Stephen

    He is giving you a line Chloe. He wants to keep you around on his terms in case the women he is really interested in turn him down. If you go along with this you are telling him that you are fine with being his third-choice.

    #708424 Reply

    Pam

    Ok… well that’s man code for him saying he doesn’t want a relationship with you. He is pulling away and also telling you he isn’t your man. This is a good time to cut ties and move on.

    #708426 Reply

    C

    I do believe this is the most intelligent post Stephen has ever made!!

    If a guy asks for space after only a couple months dating he’s done. No you can’t fix it by sending another text apologizing! Give him all the space in the world.

    #708427 Reply

    Chloe

    I hear what you’re saying, I’ll try and cut my losses then. I feel like I’ll keep hoping he’ll come back around for a while though, maybe that’s normal.

    #708429 Reply

    anon

    That’s what he wants in case he reconsiders.

    Stephen speaks truth. I wish men were just more direct. It’s annoying when they can’t just be straight.

    #708664 Reply

    Jenny

    A guy who is interested after a couple of months of dating and has a lot of stuff show up at work, in his life etc, will say, I’m going to have limited time over X period and will not be able to see you much or at all but I”ll be in touch periodically and when I’m done, I’ll have plenty of time for you. And then keeps in touch as he said and then makes up his absence when he comes back by a really nice dinner, small gift, flowers, spending extra time with you etc.

    The guy who is not interested will just not have the time and can’t give you what you want/deserve. And that is his polite way of breaking up.

    See the diff?

    #708670 Reply

    Chloe

    I’ll keep it moving. At least he was polite about it? lol Wish he could’ve just said that instead of leaving me in a weird “he’s just not that into you, or is he” limbo

    #708677 Reply

    Jenny

    Chloe, he hasn’t given you a mixed message. Note how many people have weighed in to tell you what he said really means. “I can’t give you what you want” is pretty direct and clear when you understand how men communicate. No offense but if he had been more blunt like “I don’t want to be with you anymore” then that would have hurt your feelings and you’d be here posting he’s rude and cruel and all upset about that. There is just no easy way to end a relationship.

    #708683 Reply

    Umm

    Sigh this is another Stephen fake post. So you are calling yourself chloe now Stephan?

    #708686 Reply

    Chloe

    Nah, it’s actually me, I’m just new to this/ super dense

    #708689 Reply

    Raven

    Your ‘Frantic Nature” is code for needy?

    Let him be & work on your stuff…

    #708718 Reply

    Emma

    Chloe, there is not much you CAN do. He asked for space, it means “leave me alone please”. if you do anything, it will be violating his request.

    If this is a new thing then move on, do not wait for him. He is not that into you, otherwise he would not have asked for space. You’re wasting his time.

    Find another guy but try to tame your “frantic nature” as this would work against you with men.

    #708734 Reply

    Danielle

    Don’t do anything. The best thing to do is lay low. If you keep reaching out to him trying to “fix” it you’ll just irritate him even more.

    #710202 Reply

    Chloe

    Update: I gave him space for a week and today he says that he’s trying to keep his emotional health in check. and being considerate to me he says that he’s not interesting in pursuing a new relationship with anyone right now. He says that I didn’t do anything wrong it’s just bad timing since he’s recently coming out of a long term relationship. So I guess that ship has sailed. Do you think people like that come back when they’re “ready” or no?

    #710203 Reply

    ali

    chloe– it does happen on rare occasion but is definitely the exception rather than the rule. You would be much better off putting your energy into yourself and moving on than worrying if he might come back. There is absolutely NO way to know, and it doesn’t happen very often, so it wouldn’t be very kind to yourself to hold out hope for that IMHO.

    If he should happen to come back, and you happen to still be single, then you can address that at that time.

    But I think the odds are this is an excuse. I met my BF very much on the “rebound” and knew I probably wasn’t ready for a relationship but liked him so much I couldn’t give up the opportunity. Rebounds aren’t great, but in fact, if you meet someone you are head over heels most wouldn’t walk away from that.

    I suspect he likes you, but something is not quite there for him and he doesn’t seen himself falling in love with you and therefore doesn’t want to hurt you.

    #710207 Reply

    Khadija

    Well at least he was honest with you.

    I think during that space he weighed the pros and cons and decided to end things.

    Don’t wait around, there is someone who is ready. He’s not the one.

    #710216 Reply

    Emma

    He was out of a long term relationship? This piece of info was missing.

    One of the common sermons here on this forum is: stay away from men who are recently out of a long-term relationship REGARDLESS of what they say, and of course they’d say they are ready to date.

    He waited to make sure that this is how he feels, and then he decisively ended it. Be thankful that it was only 2 months in, learn your lessons, cut your losses. You let yourself into a predictable trouble, I am sorry to say this. Be careful and more smart next time. And be smart this time. Instead of clinging to a false hope, out of wounded ego, shake it off and move on. He is not the best guy out there, there are other men, and lots of them!

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