Frustrated & Confused


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This topic contains 4 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  tammy 2 months, 1 week ago.

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  • #783764 Reply

    Michelle

    Hi there,

    My name is Michelle and would really love some advice. I am not to sure if I am reading into what I am about to say or if it actually is the case.

    I fell in love with a guy last year. It was such chemistry between us that even if we denied our feelings other people would say it’s pulpable. As if they could feel it themselves. He was the perfect guy. I have never met someone who made me feel the way he did, no one made me laugh the way he did. We just clicked and it felt right with him. He told me he was in love with me and wanted to be with me. September last year he told me he did love me but not anymore and chose someone else. It killed me, my heart broke into a millions pieces that day.

    As weeks passed, I started to heal and recover and all the rest and decided I was going to start speaking to this guy who had a thing for me for a while. We spoke all day every day basically and it was great. He came for coffee this week Saturday that passed. The guy I loved called me today (Monday 27th Jan) and we had a long chat over the phone catching up and all the rest. He asked me what I did the weekend and all the rest and told him about this guy coming to my house for coffee and every time I spoke about something else he would ask a question about this guy, I would answer it and talk about other things too and than he would go again with the questions. What did you guys do? What is he like? Are you going to see him again? etc.

    Why is he asking these questions if he says he does not love me and chose someone else. Why is he getting jealous about this guy when he has a girl and loves her.

    Does he still have hidden feelings for me or what because it’s frustrating and confusing

    #783776 Reply

    Tallspicy

    So much to unpack here. More questions before I give my thoughts.

    Why is he calling you? Were/are you actually friends? Why do you accept his calls if you are not ready for them? Has he been calling before?

    Why did you tell him about the guy? Did he ask if you were dating?

    The short version however, is that your ex was calling for an ego stroke, you manipulated him by sharing your dating story, and it all means nothing. I am being harsh to make a point.

    A. Exes who call, usually just want acknowledgment and attention. Unless he is asking you out and telling you he regrets his actions and will do anything to try to fix it. Catching up by phones is the lowest form. This is even worse because he is seeing someone else. You should not be taking his calls. Seriously.

    B. If you are not ready to talk to him, then stop taking his calls. You are not ready because you still care.

    C. you mentioning this man was manipulative in that you were trying to make him jealous. Not consciously my guess is, but you were hoping for a reaction. Now, you are confused instead of waiting to see if he was going to show up for real (oh wait, he can’t he has a girlfriend)

    D. Jealousy is not a healthy emotion to have, or to try to illicit.

    E. If this guy has a girlfriend, you should not be taking his calls. Most likely you are not real friends (unless you were friends before) anyhow.

    SO, straighten up. Do not talk to this guy anymore, and in fact, ask why he is calling you if he has a girlfriend. This is a bridge worth burning and a door worth slamming shut.

    #783785 Reply

    Newbie

    I dont know about you but i would never in a million years give attention to a guy who claimed he loved me and then dumped me for someone else. I would straight up say: stop contacting me, you chose not to have me so you get what you wanted. Period. This guy will only get your hopes up again like he did already with you assuming he has ‘hidden feeling’ (Yeah right, i didnt take him long to get rid of you didnt he). Be proud, be firm, this guy doesnt deserve a second of your time

    #783807 Reply

    Zoe

    Remember on thing clearly: YOU WERE HIS SECOND CHOICE.
    you should have more respect for yourself and block him

    #783816 Reply

    tammy

    my god! after he dumped you for someone else why would you entertain him at all? and forget that why give out details of your personal life? your behaviour shows your on thin ground here. you have just started to see some other guy since this one left you for someone else. not sure what the guy has in his mind besides an ego stroke, but your def treading dangerously. you subconsciously I think are testing the waters with this guy who previously dumped you! even if he is having second thoughts about you, pls do not entertain him again.

    here focus should be you and what you want and not what he is thinking or what he wants now! even if he is having second thought he was the one who chose to walk out and not you! and not bec you guys were having issues in your relationship but bec he wanted to be with someone else and not you! such men do not deserve a second chance. you should avoid this man and instead focus on the new man in your life! don’t sabotage you own personal life for a man who dumped you for another woman and who you no longer can trust!

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