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- This topic has 5 replies and was last updated 2 years, 4 months ago by
Tina.
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Tina
Hi All
I’ll try and keep this short and to the point.
My boyfriend has a female friend he considers as one of the boys. At first, I wasn’t too keen on it – mostly because of my past and just insecurities – and knowing that my boyfriend wouldn’t really like the situation if the shoe was on the other foot (meaning I have a close guy friend)
We’ve talked about this kind of stuff, I’m not as much as a social butterfly as he is (he has lots of friends, mostly male) so him having people call him to chat is not irregular.
With this specific female friend, they have a close bond and discuss issues about relationships and life etc.
Yesterday she called to follow up on his thoughts about why her boyfriend wouldn’t have sex with her. She asked to know if its normal for a man to turn down his woman an was asking my boyfriend for his thoughts. She ended up telling him she felt like she over reacted because she finally got her period.
I was in ear shot of this convo, and I could hear how understanding and calm he was talking to her about her issues. Where I have the problem is this:
When i’ve been upset on my period he did not approach me the way he did with her.
Also the intimacy of their convo weirded me out. Asking advice from the male perspective I get but all the details in between (her bf not wanting to sleep with her, her having her period etc)
Its so intimate. I know theyre friends, theyve been close for over 10 years, and i know its something i shouldn’t worry about – i guess I just want to know if this would seem weird to anyone else? If so what would you do?
Rox
Hi Tina,
Many women have insecurities about other women. The facts are clear. If they didn’t get together after 10 years, it’s probable that they will never get together. So, what are you worried about? I don’t think you can censore what they talk about.I have been on the other end, where I did have a very good male friend for 17 years, but his wife decided she didn’t like the friendship. I was in a relationship too. The friendship ended, I was hurt. Of course, I respect that for them.
What is your insecurity about? What do you want to do? Talk it out.
Zoe
I would get a guy friend of my own and see how it makes him feel
Liz Lemon
How long have you been dating your bf? If they’ve been close friends for 10 years and you’ve only been dating a short while, that might explain why his intimacy level seems higher with her.
But if you’ve been dating a while, you should at least be at the point where you can talk about your period with him and not have him be weird about it!
I understand where you’re coming from to a degree. While I agree with Rox that women tend to have insecurities about their boyfriend/partner being friends with other women, I also think the girlfriend/wife/partner should be the PRIMARY female friend. If the man is emotionally closer to another woman than to his own romantic partner, there’s an imbalance there. It’s not healthy for the romantic relationship. This doesn’t apply to new relationships, but if you’ve been dating awhile, you should be at least as close to him as his female friend is, if not more.
Tina
Hey y’all –
Appreciate all your feedback.
I’ve had time to think it over – do i find it uncomfortable a little bit yet, but thats my own issues & i recognize them and ill work on it.
Its true that theyve been friends for soo long so the intimacy of their relationship is different & it makes sense, as we’ve only been together a short while.
I 100% agree with you Liz – thankfully I do believe i am his primary female, I mean he told me their conversation right then and there (which is a breach of his female friend & his private conversation) he doesn’t hide the fact they speak (he answers the phone of her calls infront of me) and i’ve seen him prioritize our time together over her. So I know I have nothing to essentially worry about.
The intimate part weirded me out and naturally caused me to be jealous, also how understanding he was to her feelings about the period thing because of how he’s handled me in the past, but ultimately we do talk about these kinds of things and he’s just learning what i need from him when we talk.
If I ever felt like she came first in any big instance I would be gone. I think once I meet her it will help as well. :) Thanks again everyone
Tina
Yes not yet**
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