Home › Forums › Complicated Situation / Mixed Signals › Fell for best friend/FWB. Stuck in between.
- This topic has 10 replies and was last updated 4 years, 6 months ago by
J.
-
AuthorPosts
-
Ashley
My best friend and I hooked up for the first time two years ago, it was a drunk thing and the next morning he called me and asked what that was. I wasn’t interested like that, because he was my best friend and I guess it was just a drunk thing for me.. at the time. He said he wanted to do it again, and then again and again. Lol. He was really interested in me after that, the sexual connection we have is insane, but we had both gotten out of relationships and didn’t want to “rush” anything or ruin anything because of our friendship. I ended up living with him for about 6 months because I needed a place to stay, and of course we had a lot of sex. It was like we were dating, we did everything you do when you’re in a relationship with someone. It was healthy and fun, but there were times where he would start backing off and acting weird. Esp after I got my own place. Like when things got too close, he’d address that we’re not together, and then he’d go see other girls. I went out of town and he kept saying how much he missed me and couldn’t wait for me to come home, and we’d text all the time about the future and how “if he’s still love struck by me in the coming years something might happen between us” but he wants to enjoy being young and single, and he does. He sees other women, and it bothers me but I have to respect I think? Because we’re not together. He knows I’m in love with him, and he gets frustrated when I want things to go further when he still has that “wanna be young and single” mindset. We still hook up and hang out pretty frequently, cook dinners and watch movies etc.. But it’s just a complicated situation and I feel stuck in between wanting to stay his friend and support his decisions and maybe one day he’ll see that I’m the girl who’s always been there and then on the other hand wanting him to commit to me and stand my ground. If he ends up dating someone else it will seriously break me. Any advice helps this has been driving me crazy for two years now. I don’t know if I am wasting my time at this point or not?
Raven
Yes, you’re wasting your time with this guy…
J
He wont lock you down, if he hasn’t already.
A man who REALLY likes you, wont allow other men to sleep with you. If he is still wanting to be single and sleep about with others, and he’s allowing you to do the same? You’re not the ‘IT’ girl for him.
He may come round, years down the line, IF he doesn’t meet anyone better.
He wants the fringe benefits of a relationship, without commitment and ability to sleep with others. FWB only works if two people have a friend only, casual sex mindset, which this doesn’t. You’re going to get hurt, if you aren’t already.
Why don’t you find a man who wants to commit to you, and only you? I can’t imagine how staying in this situation will only damage your self esteem.
Ashley
When I stop and leave him alone and do what’s beat for me, he comes back / wants me back around?
J
“When I stop and leave him alone and do what’s beat for me, he comes back / wants me back around?”
You stand your ground, you tell him if he isn’t after anything serious, he leaves you to find it elsewhere.
Stop being his fallback girl. YOU control this situation. Of course he is going to come around and chase, if he is losing his casual hookup. See this for what it is. Him wanting his cake.
Be firm and fair and say to him, “hey, I’ve enjoyed the fun we’ve had, but I’m after something more long lasting, I understand you are not at this stage, and I wish you well”
If he doesn’t step up – You’re only winning anyways, because you get rid of this man and have the time find the right one.
Ashley
I’m always scared to do that because I’m scared I’ll lose him. But maybe it would wake him up.
Ashley
I really want things to work out one day. So I’ve been patient but it’s getting hard
Sophia
In a few years?
He’s stringing you along.Cut out the hooking up and hanging out. Put this back to platonic friends and back off on communication for awhile. Continue to do what’s best for you – which is to get out and date.
He comes back whenever you assert yourself and put yourself first because he doesn’t want to lose a sure thing.
If he truly loved you he’d set you totally free to “live the single life” and find someone new, same way he’s living it.He doesn’t sound very nice to me.
J
Just because you want it to work, doesn’t mean he will allow that.
Can lead a horse to water, can’t make it drink.
Patient or not, this man isn’t locking you down, and is pursuing other women. I don’t get why you keep yourself in this situation. By wasting time with him, you’re preventing yourself from meeting a man who actually likes you enough to commit.And for the record, you can’t lose what you never had!
Ashley
I really care about this guy as a person and he became a huge part of my life, so I feel like I can’t just stop? I wish I knew what to do to knock some sense into him! Lol
J
” I feel like I can’t just stop? I wish I knew what to do to knock some sense into him! ”
Continue doing it your way then. You can’t MAKE anyone do anything, or knock sense into anyone. YOU can only control YOU.
Its simple he isn’t going to give you what you want, its evident you don’t listen to the advice others suggest. SO do it your way, proceed with this man, who doesn’t want you & there’s a high chance when he meets someone he deems better, you’ll be out the door.
I’ll say it one last time for you: when a man really likes a girl, he wont want them sleeping with another man.
Good luck
-
AuthorPosts
