Fancy a friend. Help?

Lane, what makes you say he’s definitely a player?

What2do, that’s an interesting situation you’ve got there. I’m leaning towards B not being into you ‘cuz he had the chance to do something but all you did was cuddle for half an hour and he left. He didn’t pressure you to do anything you weren’t comfortable in doing, which is good, but he didn’t try anything, which as much as this pains me to say this, to me it means he’s just not that into you. It sucks ‘cuz it sounds like you like him but he was drunk & didn’t try anything, & I’m thinking he would’ve at least tried to make out & not just “cuddle” if he was into you. Sorry. I know how it is & it sucks…

Dear What2do,

Based on my experience, keep your friends your friends and your f*cks your f*cks.

I know people who post questions aren’t always American and there are cultural differences, so let me preface my explanation by telling you that I am 65, born and raised in Alabama. Please adjust my advice accordingly.

My best friends growing up were Mike, Rick and George. From 7th grade on, I had no friends who were girls, so I suppose I absorbed guy attitudes on a lot of issues. We didn’t fight. They treated me the same way they treated each other. I was never immune to the “cut-and-slash” interactions that are common among guy friends, so I got to the point that it took an awful lot to offend me.

In short, I was one of the guys.

One night, George and I had been hanging out at Mike’s house. It was late and since George had to go home anyway, he gave me a ride.

All my life, I’ve had blank spaces in my memories (not always Quaalude- or alcohol-related :) ) and that night, one minute we were at the traffic light at the intersection of Johnston Drive and 10th Street, waiting for it to turn green – and the next thing I knew, we were parked on Hillyer High (nowhere near my house), making out.

So for the next several months, we moved into a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. As he put it, we didn’t f*ck, but we did everything else.

We had never fought as friends – but as boyfriend/girlfriend, we fought all the time.

We had another friend who was a senior in high school and couldn’t get a date to his prom. In March, he had told me – in front of Mike and George – that he had asked everyone he could think of and really wanted to go, and asked me if I’d go with him to help him out. I told him I would.

The day of Doug’s prom – two months later – George and I had been out together all day. When he took me home, he told me he didn’t want me to go to Doug’s prom with him.

Doug was supposed to pick me up in two hours.

I told George that I had given my word and that I was going.

He said, “I don’t want you to go.”

I said, “You should’ve said something in March. I’m not going to do that to him. I’m going.”

He drove off in a snit.

By the next weekend, George had a new girlfriend. We went back to being friends, but we weren’t as comfortable as we had been before our detour into madness.

Fast-forward a couple of years. I was in college and engaged to my first husband when I ran into George on the campus quad. I told him Jeff and I were getting married.

He looked at me, said “F*ck you,” turned around, walked off and didn’t speak to me for three years.

We ran into each other as my husband and I were on the road to divorce and we gradually started moving back to being friends. Although we’re close again, it took years to put our friendship back together – and somewhat like Humpty Dumpty, there are cracks in it that will never mend.

Some people believe that you should always marry your best friend. I say that the reason Mike is still my best friend is that we’ve never had any kind of romantic involvement at all. He knows things about me that I would never tell my husband – or any of the lovers I had when I was unattached. I know things about him that he would never tell his wife.

So while I don’t discount any of the other posters’ comments, my advice to you is, regardless of how hot you may feel for him at this point, don’t move towards a sexual relationship with him unless you’re willing to lose a friend when it’s over.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do,

Paige

A player is defined as someone who fakes a serious degree of romantic interest while often conducting several similar relationships simultaneously and is deceptive and manipulative by nature.

I called him a player because he’s playing her. He enjoys the attention he is receiving from her until he realizes he’d taken it too far which is when he pulls back, not the first time by the way. Do you honestly believe a guy who kisses a lady while he’s in a relationship isn’t doing it with other women? 10-1 he was caught engaging in this behavior by his GF.

He knows she likes him, takes advantage of it, then cuts and runs the moment he knows he’s taken it too far. You don’t believe this is the only woman he’s done or is doing it too? The OP admitted that he’s a very “affectionate person” and no doubt spreads that affection around.