Epic break of no contact. Feel awful.


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  • #827426 Reply

    Saz

    I have been two years no contact with my ex. At the time of breaking up I did not tell him how much he hurt me and this has bugged me but I have just got on with life but did wish I had said something at the time. I blocked.

    Whilst changing phones a week ago I found over a year’s worth of text messages which had been blocked and I did not realise the phone stores them. I was stunned. They were all really friendly and nice.

    So, stupid, silly me finally wrote all the things I meant to say to him when we finished thus breaking 2 years no contact. He replied immediately with an even longer email than mine. He went on and on about his new girlfriend, their baby (complete with photo), her crazy ex who he rescued her from, how wonderful he thought I was and heartbroken that I disappeared etc etc etc. It was over the top and quite odd. All of it making out that he is a really great guy who is now set up with the perfect family.

    I sent a very short reply saying I was glad he is happy and thanks for the explanation and now i have re blocked. Trouble is it has set me back a lot and I almost feel I am back at square one. I am beyond angry with myself and am on a major beating up session. I cannot believe I broke the no contact

    Will it take me as long to move on as it did intially or will it not be so bad? I am sooooooo angry with myself.

    #827437 Reply

    cupcake

    Meh don’t worry too much about it. It happens. I doubt this will put you back at square one, nor will this be as bad as the first time around. I’m sure it hurt to hear about his situation but i bet you won’t even think about it in a few days/weeks time. Just keep moving forward…..just make sure you delete his number, keep him on blocked and don’t contact him again.

    #827440 Reply

    Raven

    Why are you feeling this way after 2 years?

    #827458 Reply

    Anderson

    I highly doubt it will be hard to move on from this. The first time around you were heartbroken. Now it’s more so a matter of going out on a limb and being disappointed from how ever you expected him to respond. Maybe your ego is bruised too i.e. losing face. Or it hurt further having your feelings kind of ignored/minimized. Hard to be certain from your info, but I get the vibe his email may have been those petty power plays… you know when people try and “win the breakup”

    We all learn this lesson the hard way that it’s a gamble to depend on an ex for closure, and sometimes no matter the response, closure still doesn’t come. And so you have to learn to muster it yourself. Can be a big pill to swallow

    But take pride in sending that email. It was risky byt brave, and you were getting yours so kudos. Even if you feel like crap now, when you’ve done/said all you wanted to, there’s an inherent aspect of closure to that. And you’ll be past this before you know it

    #827465 Reply

    Emily

    Agree with Raven. Why are you pining after someone two years later?

    #827598 Reply

    Ianthe

    How long were you together OP?

    To answer your question, I just think this is because this has brought back all the memories (and that’s all they are) of when you first broke up. It’s a slight re-opening of an old wound which has resulted in a TEMPORARY return of all your old feelings etc. Don’t worry these will pass fairly quickly as long as you don’t dwell on things too long. Get busy and in a week, it will all practically be forgotten about. Good luck.

    #827600 Reply

    Saz

    Thanks kind people. Part of the reason l am struggling is that l haven’t met anyone else and feel a bit stuck. I also put him on a pedestal but his insensitive email all about his new wonderful life has in some ways helped me see that he is not all that.

    #827602 Reply

    Ianthe

    *I also put him on a pedestal but his insensitive email all about his new wonderful life has in some ways helped me see that he is not all that*

    Definitely yes. I meant to comment on way he appeared to be wiping your nose in it by giving details of his new life. Highly insensitive, as you say, given you had told him how hurt you were in your own email. What were the circumstances of the break-up?

    In addition to the re-opening of old wounds, you’re also dealing with this new information. Something else to bear in mind.

    Don’t worry too much about how you feel right now. I can partially identify although the circumstances are a bit different. I broke up with someone one once because I believed, due to the timing and where I was in my life etc, I’d get hurt if things continued! He appeared to take it graciously. A year later I heard through a friend of his he was very upset about it all-something which completely bowled me over at the time! I was surprised at how it bothered me at the time. Like you I hadn’t met anyone else I was interested in.

    #827608 Reply

    Ianthe

    *He appeared to take it graciously. So I thought he didn’t really care!* At all!

    Actually on a different not, I hadn’t realised blocked messages were actually stored until the number is unblocked. Out of interest, were theses ordinary text messages or WhatsApp ones? Thankfully I’ve never been blocked or indeed blocked anyone else but it’s useful to know these things all the same!

    #827612 Reply

    Saz

    I have a samsung phone and having never blocked anyone before I just assumed the messages never got to the phone. However, it seems that the phone stores them but under ‘blocked messages’so all you have to do is open that and there they all are. He had been talking to himself for over a year!

    #827639 Reply

    Newbie

    I read this earlier and didnt respond yet. I do get when something can be a punch on the stomach especially when youre not the best atm so i feel to question you back why youre not over him after 2 years is pretty stupid.
    But i agree with andersom and some others that Noted that as far as i can he didnt even properly adress ehat you said and went blabla about gf and baby. Guess what, i doesnt remotely mean his life his perfect. Its just a life. It doesnt mean he moved on and you didnt. I have no doubt that if you think about it you also have had good experiences, met wonderful people past years. So in a way its good he got off the pedestal. Just focus on your own journey. It will gave everything, good and bad, but comparing has never made anyone feel better. Take care

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