Does he want to be together or not?

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This topic contains 12 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  Girlnextdoor 1 month, 1 week ago.

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  • #838822 Reply


    He feels we argue and fight too much. It generally happens because of his double standards for instance, things he has done in the past but isn’t ok if I happen to do them. He completely forgets that he has also done them and was excuswd: for instance there was one time when he was mad about something and went on to make fun of my friends. I knew he was only saying those things he is mad, he doesn’t mean them and will feel bad later on. So I didn’t say anything to him and later on he did feel bad. And this happened two years back, he had just generally picked my friends to troll, they had done anything and they were not even present there. So after two years now he was with his friends and they cracked some joke about me in jest and felt weird about it so I also cracked insulting jokes about them. First he said they did not mean it in a bad way then I said ok. Then a few hours later he started fighting about this thing with me. I felt wronged. I mean when you had a bad moment and insulted my friends for no reason, I let you be. But if I did the same thing, then you will not let me be. Why? Why do you think you deserve this special treatment? I so wanna breakup with him but I don’t want to deal with the sadness and depression that comes with a breakup. I just can’t deal with it. I am very upset. This is not the only issue we have. He is just not the same person he ws. He used to be very good and caring in the first 1.5 years of the relationship. I feel so angry and wronged. I can’t deal with my emotions. I don’t want to be with him because I am so angry and I also don’t want to brekup because I can’t deal with the depression. I am a patient of depression and anxiety issues which I take meds for. It’s just going to get worse. I don’t know what to do.

    #838859 Reply


    It looks like you are looking for reasons to break up if you have to look back 2 years to find grounds to be mad about him. Combined with your other post which was mostly about him being a quiet person this addition is hard to follow. I dont understand a lot of what you are saying but it does look like the relationship has run its course.

    #838863 Reply


    Please go see a therapist. You are clearly emotional unwell.

    #838867 Reply


    Newbie, I think you got it wrong. Suppose you lend money to a friend 2 years ago. Now you are in need of money so you ask her but she says I don’t lend money. Wouldn’t you get mad? This is what happened here.

    #838872 Reply


    Tall spicy, therapists just tell me experiencing sadness after a breakup is normal. It happens to everybody.

    #838873 Reply


    Both, earlier whenever we had a fight he would call me up say sorry but now since the past 7-8 months it’s me only who calls after a fight or talks about being together. He doesn’t talk much, but seems to enjoy with friends and exposes double standards every now and then. I don’t understand why I have been clinging on it, just because I am weak and can’t breakup. I really, really cannot deal with a breakup right now.

    #838877 Reply


    I didn’t want to break up with my ex of 2 years because i didn’t want to feel lonely. I like having someone to come back home to. But we were fighting all the time and he disrespected me too, multiple times.
    I left him October 2019 and only the fact of not having him around and not arguing and the peace and quiet of my house, made me feel so much better that it has taken me more than a year to “go back to the market” because now i feel the other way, i really don’t want the stress that comes with dating the wrong person.
    I think you can learn from it and make you stronger.
    Good luck! :)

    #838878 Reply


    I have had 8 to 9 long term relationships. Why do I always meet the wrong people who are someone else in the beginning and change into another person later on?

    #838881 Reply


    because they want to impress you and once they have you they go back to be who they were. I have the same problem. That’s why this time i am going to take the time to know who they really are

    #838894 Reply


    But in any case I get too depressed after a breakup. I can’t face it, I would die before I have to go through a breakup. I know I sound weak and pathetic. But I can’t explain. Its like I know I will be fine in a few months. But I get very low lows. I have this all or nothing thinking pattern. So I am so scared of facing that low again that I can’t explain. Also, I think this stress is taking a toll on my body as well. I just could not eat at all today, must be because of the crippling anxiety. But if is needed and is best for me to breakup, I will. But I just cannot decide. I don’t want to go through so much emotionally and spend so much money on therapists and psychiatrists, only to have him coming back to in a month or so as a changed person, being good for a few days and going back to the same business again.

    #838917 Reply


    i agree with the others that it would be good for you to get professional help. you shouldn’t have to trap yourself in an unhappy life, there is always a way out

    #838919 Reply


    I feel for you I know the anxiety of breakups and the fear or being alone or like you made a mistake. I have been there and at times I broke up just so they would run back to me and I had the power but in the end YOU always have the power of your own happiness. It seems you have anxiety issues which I do as well. We worry about the unknown so we stick with what is there. I was with someone for 20 years because I was afraid to be alone but when I left I felt a weight had been lifted and I had control of my life. He didn’t want me to leave and tried to get me to stay but I didn’t and now I have no regrets. Understand that if it is meant to be it will happen…if this guy is meant to be your forever he will be but if he isn’t that is ok too. Take a break to get yourself back to your best and when you are ready you can try again…if it isn’t there then it wasn’t meant to be.

    #839057 Reply


    Thanks. That explains a lot. These problems have also made me very insecure, only in the relationship. Otherwise I am a fairly confident person. I will focus on myself during my free time, and try to be at my best behavior with him and leave the rest to God. I won’t obsess, won’t overthink and analyse with a calm mind if he f***s up again, if I can afford to give him another chance. I will let him come to me after a fight calmly whenever he decides to withi ln 7 days of the fight. If we can maturely solve the issue then well and good or we both will know what to do. It will be daunting to break up but I guess once it happens with a calm mind things are no longer that bad.

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