Does he have a lot going on, or is he just not that into me?

Home Forums Decoding His Signals / How Does He Feel About Me? Does he have a lot going on, or is he just not that into me?

This topic contains 5 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  Jacqueline 4 weeks, 1 day ago.

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  • #815624 Reply


    **Heads up, this is long!

    I met a guy a little over two months ago on Bumble who came on really strong in the beginning. He texted constantly leading up to our first date, which was amazing and definitely one of the best first dates I’ve been on in terms of immediate spark/connection as well as discussing our dating intentions (we were on the same page). I live in NYC and he lived about 45-60 minutes away, but was looking to move to the city, so he had made the drive to take me out to dinner, and did it again three days later for our second date. I guess I should also note that he started a new job the week before. In between the dates, we texted–not constantly, but he still checked in everyday. On the second date we took some pizza and a bottle of wine to a park and then went back to my apartment to “watch a movie.” We slept together and it was great, and the next day he texted me and said that “the feeling was stronger” because of it. After the second date, communication trailed off. His 30th birthday was around this time, so we did talk, but it was mostly me initiating conversation. He would either take a long time to respond, or wouldn’t respond at all, but at the same time reply to my Snapchat stories. After two weeks of this, during which I tried to make plans for us to see each other again but nothing panned out (he would say that he was looking forward to seeing me again but not take any action to make it happen), I told him that I was getting the vibe that he wasn’t interested and that he should stop saying things like that and stringing me along if he had no intention of going on a third date. I added that he should correct me if I’m wrong. He told me I was wrong and that he was swamped with work and offended I felt that way after the great time we had. I apologized for offending him, said I was just expressing how I felt because I was confused, and he didn’t reply.

    Two weeks go by with no communication. Throughout that time he often shared posts to his Instagram story of things along the lines of “I have to accept the things I cannot change” and “No one understands the pain of falling out with someone.” I didn’t want to assume those were directed towards me, but I kept it in the back of my mind. At the end of the two weeks, he liked a post I made on Instagram from my best friend’s wedding, so I took that as a sign that he was open to connecting again. I decided I would try and maybe react to some Instagram stories here and there to feel it out a bit, but then the next day he unfollowed me and that night shared something to his Instagram story about moving on. I decided I had to text him. I really felt something with him and didn’t want things to end in such a weird way. I texted him the next day and he responded in less than a minute saying he wanted to try again because he felt a strong emotional and physical connection with me too. We ended up seeing each other that weekend. I went over to his house and we watched a movie and hooked up four times, and I stayed over. It was honestly perfect. He also told me he thought he was falling in love with me, and I said it back because I truly do have feelings for him.

    Fast forward another two weeks, and he’s moved to the city. We don’t have any communication aside from some Instagram story reactions, and I had texted him about a week after we saw each other saying that I was thinking about him and hoped he was enjoying his LDW, to which he didn’t respond. The night he moved into his apartment he texted me saying he wanted to see me, and asked if I was busy that upcoming Monday and wanted to go on a date. I said yes and I was really excited, because I was wondering how long he would wait to reach out once he moved. Again, no communication for the rest of the week, except for an Instagram story reaction, and then Monday rolls around and I still don’t hear from him. I texted him at 4 pm to see if we were still on, and he said “I forgot. F*** me lol.” I said “Ahh ok” and he said he was working on a presentation for work due at 9 am the next day, so I said no problem, good luck. I was gutted. He reached out a few days later asking what my plans were for the following week (this week), I told him, and he got back to me the next day with what worked for him. I jokingly added that he should put it in his calendar so he didn’t forget, and he responded with the eyeroll and pensive/thinking emojis. I said I was just teasing. Honestly at that point, I didn’t think I would hear from him. He reached out yesterday saying that he had to work late that night and tonight (tonight was the day we were aiming for), but that tomorrow night or early next week worked. So we settled on tomorrow night.

    Takeaway is: I can’t tell if he’s just got a lot going on right now, or if he just isn’t that into me. He’s a lawyer so his job seems really demanding, and now he just moved, but I know actions speak louder than words and that his actions aren’t seeming like he’s really trying to impress me and stuff. I know he’s also been active on dating apps because he liked my cousin’s Hinge profile. I’m still active too, and I didn’t expect him not to be especially since he just moved to NYC, but I’ve just been getting in my head a bit and thinking, “well, if he’s really that busy, then why is he pursuing other women? Am I just an option or a backup for when he’s bored?” I’m curious to see how tomorrow goes (if it even happens), but also would appreciate any thoughts/insight. A relationship coach told me to give him the benefit of the doubt because this seems to be a big transition period for him, but at the same time keep the lack of communication and stuff in the back of my mind.

    #815644 Reply


    I stopped reading at some point, his instagram messages, because i realized its all clear for me. You dont really know the guy after two dates. He could have an ex he is still pining about, he could have other interesting dates. But after two dates and a sleep over you felt you two had a strong connection so you started to chase him and ask if he was really interested. All bad moved after just two dates. Suppose shut you. Were not sure about did that with you, like say: if you dont like me, just dont leave me hanging here. So you jumped the gun. But also you didnt even know if he was interested, he could have bets with friends that he have sex with girls in 2 dates. Now dont get ne wrong i have nothing against having sex when it feels good but you have to realize guys just view it as getting of with a real girl (in the beginning). So the last thing you need to do is build up expectations as like i said, you have no idea what kind of guy he is. I think this guy has gone with the wind

    #815645 Reply


    I did read it all now, Yeah you cant sex a guy into a relationship. You should have stopped reaching out to this guy ages ago and certainly after he blocked you

    #815648 Reply

    Liz Lemon

    People make time for what matters to them. When I met my bf, he had a lot going on–he was working 50-60 hour weeks on top of his normal custody schedule with his child. He still found time to see me & take me out 1-2 (sometimes 3) times a week the first few months we were dating.

    This guy isn’t that into you. It’s really simple, if a guy wants to see you, talk to you, be with you– he will. He won’t ignore you for weeks, unfollow you on social media, or “forget” about a planned date with you.

    I agree with Newbie that you have way too many expectations and are way too invested in this guy. He is still on dating apps and is swiping on other women. No matter what he says to you in the moment (saying he might be falling in love with you when you spend the weekend at his house having sex- yeah right), his behavior shows that he isn’t interested in anything serious with you. A guy who was really falling in love with you would not act the way he’s acting, and deep down you probably know that. He might be happy to hook up with you in the moment and say all kinds of things, but if he doesn’t follow through with actions, it’s meaningless.

    #815649 Reply


    Sorry for some horrible sentences. I was trying to say: suppose a guy you just met did all those things to you: texting, to tell him if youre not interested. Wouldnt that turn you off instantly?

    #815650 Reply


    For a grown man his communication skills are lacking with you and he is a lawyer. You did nothing wrong he is a drama king. He likes the attention that is why he posted his personal feelings to gain sympathy. He posted about someone without naming them to make everyone wonder. He is hiding a side of himself. You are giving him more credit than he is worthy of. What has he done for you lately?
    You have issues in your own life it’s not all about him. Do not play a guessing game with someone. He is an attention seeker so he is definitely was communicating with other people and slept with you. He did not want to completely cut you off so he could have you as an option. He also has time to like or attempt to start new conversations with others but not clear anything up with you. That is embarrassing he is a lawyer.

    Not communicating is deceptive and not honest even on a friend level. I’m busy but he can like and chat with others. There is nothing that he is worthy of.
    Second I know people who are married after a one-night-stand which is crazy. But when you find the one it won’t matter if you sleep with someone right away or a year later or wait till marriage. It will make no difference when you find a real man. Women are always told you should wait till this time or longer. I knew a lady who had sex after a year and he left her high and dry she was a virgin too. Society views sex in a negative manner and women are held to standards that men are not. what about him moving to fast knowing he wasn’t invested?? Why do some men get a pass? Why do some men view sex in a negative manner or speak about it as a joke or game?

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