do EX's always come back??


Home Forums How To Get My Ex Back do EX's always come back??

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  • #476938 Reply
    katie

    ive heard of ex’s coming back & asking for a second (or third) chance after a certain amount of time has gone by. Im wondering if anyone has had this happen? I kinda hoping theres a chance i can work things out with my Ex

    #476944 Reply
    Maria

    yes, it happens a lot. Check out a website called ex boyfriend recovery, read as much as you can on that website. Also read an ebook by Andrew Aitken called Beyond the Breakup. The two guys address the most difficult situation: when a woman was dumped by a guy and how to get him back, there are differences in how they approach it, but both approaches are extremely useful, regardless of your situation.

    #476947 Reply
    Amy S

    Oh God im propbably not in a good place to advise here as I have just broken up with my ex for the 3rd time and each time we did go back and things are good for a while then he goes back to his default setting of unavailable asshole. Think long and hard Katie about your reasons for breaking up and if he does come back are you going to be better off in the long run. I wasted over 4years of my life on this guy and I really hope now we are done as i have realised hes an asshole, after years of making excuses, blaming myself, making allowances the lot. I have to be done as its brought me no good. I hope you get your happiness either way x

    #477002 Reply
    Katie

    I am thinking very hard about it. We’ve been broken up for a little over a month. And this was the second time we dated. The thing I’m having a hard time with is, how do you know if it’s worth trying to work it out??

    #477007 Reply
    Amy S

    Hi Katie well u need to think about why you are breaking up. If hes being an ass to you it means hes an ass. I took a while to accept this. I blamed, depression, issues, a terrible marriage, an introverted personality, I really loved the guy and wanted things to work between us, we had great chemistry and it was amazing when things were going well but the bottom line for me was he was emotionally unavailable mainly and he was stringing me along as he knew it was only ever going to just be a casual thing between us and yup he was an asshole to me but he never wanted to let go he liked me around for if and when it suited him. He was good mind u, a clever well practiced manipulator. Think about his actions towards you and they will tell u so much more than his words. x

    #477008 Reply
    Katie

    I broke it off cause of a fight we had. Generally he treated me well. He didn’t talk to the best but we both could have put in more effort & been nicer to each other.

    #477009 Reply
    T

    Oh yes. I have had only one serious relationship and we broke things off thrice. We are broken up now but I know he will come back. But all my girl friends have always had their exes come back. Always. It might be too late sometimes though.

    #477011 Reply
    Katie

    So it’s pretty common? Have their EX’s just tried to come back once or more then once?

    #477014 Reply
    Shannon

    To date, every single guy I ever dated (except the one that JUST broke it off, and, he may simply need more time) has come back at least once. Sometimes after that we broke up and it was done for good…my last relationship we broke up four times and got back together three. The best thing to do to ensure him coming back is NOTHING. Don’t text him, don’t show up where he is, don’t friend him on Facebook, etc. Just do nothing. Move on with your life. Then for some reason, they’re always back.

    #477021 Reply
    Gemini615

    Whether they come back or not is irrelevant. Reconciliations rarely work, mainly due to the fact that the same issues that caused the initial break up never get resolved and end up being the reason for future break ups. Look at the others who have responded; they have had several break ups with the same man because it’s not working, no matter how many times you try to repeat history.

    An ex is an ex for a reason. Leave it in the past

    #477471 Reply
    Katie

    What if you’ve been working on yourself & you feel like the relationship would be better this time? I’m really inexperienced with relationships & ive been doing a lot of think about how I acted & treated him while we were together.

    #477473 Reply
    Jessica

    They often come back. Whether it’s worth another try depends on the reason why you broke up. If it’s because he’s just a jerk – then not worth it. If it’s because you both had growing up to do and you both have now done that and are ready – then maybe. There are many possibilities. Ultimately, it’s whether you both want the same thing and are both willing to make it work.

    #477475 Reply
    Maria

    I agree with Gemini65 in principle and yet, every single married couple I know, did break up at least once, early in the relationship.

    In my experience, yes, exes always come back. At least once.

    My mistake was to take my ex back easily, without him proving to me that he has changed, without making him work for it. Do not repeat this.

    I stayed in complete no contact, he came back 3 weeks later, most of them do within 3-5 weeks if you stay in complete contact.

    #477480 Reply
    Khadija

    What exactly have you done in one month to work on yourself?
    Why do you think you treat him the way you did?
    What has he done in one month to work on himself?

    How exactly do you plan to make this relationship work?

    Take this as no offense but, you sound inexperienced and in a rush to go back to your ex because it’s been a month and the reality is setting in.

    #477494 Reply
    Katie

    Khadijah- I am inexperienced when it comes to dating. I’m 25 and he was a lot of first for me & the only guy I’ve been in a serious relationship with. It’s actually been like a month & 1/2. I didn’t treat him horrible but I over thought stuff & wasn’t very patient. I’ve been working on having a better attitude & not just thinking about my own feelings

    #477500 Reply
    Khadija

    Well Katie, say he does come back take the time to really sit down with him and talk things out. Have a plan on how you’ll work it out and stick to it.

    Take some time to really figure out why you were that way and how you can change that.
    If, you end up with him and it works so be it. However,if you don’t then be sure to work on you regardless. Our past issues can follow new relationships.

    #477502 Reply
    JT

    Every ex from a serious relationship of mine has come back at least once. In the first situation it took a long time because we were both in college very far from each other, but he came back to visit me and then tried to ask for me back. I was so hurt by the breakup and by his ego that I knew it would never work. I had moved on. The second relationship I had broken up with that guy, and he pretty much never let go really. He would try to reconnect, make jokes and reminisce, but I wouldn’t allow it, so then he’d get his space again. Then after a few months he’d resurface again. This happened maybe 3 times before I finally shut him down by saying I’m in a relationship with someone else (it’s lame that for some guys that’s the only way to get them to leave you alone). The third guy, he had broken up with me, and I was pretty blindsided by it. But we were also temporarily long distance, and that was mainly his reason why – well, that and his fear of commitment. So when I got back in town after a few months, we reconnected and then he said he wanted to get back together. I made him work for it. We spent time together talking about why the break up, what he’s been doing since, how it would be different this time. After almost a month we got back together. And now we’ve been together for almost 2 years. We’re having issues now, honestly related to his fear of commitment…and I’m not sure we’ll last, but I don’t regret getting back together one bit.

    But don’t rush it. If it’s meant to be, it will happen. Let him come back to you. Guys need to do the chasing. You need to focus on yourself, keep learning from what has happened and make yourself a better person for whoever may pop up in your life. Maybe it will be him, maybe it won’t. One month is like the *minimal* time apart I would recommend for a breakup if you’re thinking of getting back together.

    #477521 Reply
    Katie

    JT & Khadijah thanks for the advice. I am trying to focus on myself & grow from this.

    #478499 Reply
    lovegiver

    Katie, its true they usually do come back.
    It happened recently to my friend with a guy she went on 4 dates with and he decided to end things. Things dont seem to be working out as well for them.
    Its happened to me in the past when guys dumped me. I had already moved on. My motto is an ex is an ex for a reason but then again many married couples had one breakup before getting back together again.

    a second chance is more than enough don’t fall into the habit of giving him a third or fourth chance without changing habits.

    When they do come back you have the power to decide whether he is worthy of you. You have to be certain of your feelings so old habits and mistakes don’t ruin it again. He must prove to you that he has changed.
    Maria recommendations are good I’ve read some of the materials. Ex BF recovery has lots of info on the site. Seeing what my friend is going through with the guy who came back I think its best to go NC for the full 30 days. Habits take 21 days to form or change.

    #478511 Reply
    Nellie

    Sorry if this quote sounds vulgar but…

    “Taking your ex back is like trying to put a piece of poop back into your anus”

    #478515 Reply
    Laura

    I’ve had exes “feel” their way back…one ex in particular I got back with knowing full well we had not worked out our issues but I was hopeful having addressed it would be enough…it wasn’t so I made it “stick” the second time and haven’t looked back. My ex husband and I broke up a lot…divorced and then reconciled even…but I have to agree…once you’ve crossed that line…it’s just easier to do it again and the issues usually aren’t resolved…this is why it’s important to really open your eyes to their ways and how y’all interact when dating…crucial to be keen and observant and not get caught up in the romance…reality sets in later and it ain’t always pretty…

    #478517 Reply
    JC

    Yes, all of my ex’s have come back. Even the ones that I thought would never lower their pride. Some came back within two weeks and other came back after a year of no contact

    #478518 Reply
    redcurleysue

    Most of us do not change without a startling revelation. Our values and personalities have taken years to develop. We all have our “special” buttons.

    So, unless you have had some amazing experience that has shocked you to the core or he has I would imagine that the issues you had before will continue.

    It they were minor issues and you overplayed them and now you see the light well that would be hopeful….but without a major change somewhere please be careful not to waste your time or go through another cycle of “this is not working”.

    Continue to work on becoming the best version of you….that is a good investment. Enjoy your life. Smell the flowers. Laugh and love the best you can everyday. You are not meant for every man and not every man you like is meant for you.

    #480820 Reply
    Red Queen

    The 2 guys I broke up with came back. One tried for one month getting me back, showing up at my door. The other one remained silent until 30 days then sent me an email. I ignored then he tried again after 30 days, then again after more 30 days. I mean, come on! I told them I was unhappy and they were being assholes, I was already done before breaking up. It’s like I was broken up 2 months before the real breakup. The second guy even said “our relationship is so great, we stopped fighting.” The truth is, I had already given up him.

    The 3rd guy was the one who broke up with me. We had some emails until 2 months after the episode but I ended the conversation. I don’t think he is coming back because it’s been almost 5 months of NC and I’d rather not hear from him again.

    Two things I want to mention. First is that guys are surprised if they are the ones breaking up and we walk away. They expect us to pursue, beg, cry and show up their door. It’s disappoiting for them when we don’t do that, it hurts their ego. Sometimes they even get in touch to see if you get emotional – even not wanting you back, they want to see if YOU want them back.
    Second is that I read exboyfriendrecovery and exgirlfriendrecovey. They also advise NC to win the girl back but in my case I would think the guy isn’t really interested – maybe he never was.

    #480957 Reply
    Katie

    It’s been pretty much no contact since the breakup besides him coming & getting stuff he left & my place & he trying to tell him he got mail at my place. But he won’t talk to me at all. I’m glad he won’t though cause I’ve realized that I’m better off & don’t want him back

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