Dating an introvert


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This topic contains 29 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  Emma 2 years, 8 months ago.

Viewing 25 posts - 1 through 25 (of 30 total)
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  • #744598 Reply

    Annie

    I have been seeing an introvert guy for the last 3 months, we both extremely busy with our work schedules so we can only meet up every 2 weeks. I am an extrovert, he is an introvert, yes, he replies when I text him, but he NEVER initiates anything. His text messages are short and direct, no “hello” or small talk. I feel that the relationship in unbalance because I have to be the one who initiates everything. Should I just let him go or do I have to accept that you can’t ever change an introvert person? He likes to talk about deep issues but refuses to go do something fun. Dating a hermit can be stressful, I have to make all the decisions on when to meet, where to meet, what to eat and keep the communication alive.

    #744600 Reply

    Amy S

    Why you doing this ? Hes as dull as dishwater and youre bored after only 3 mnths. There are others out there you know. x

    #744604 Reply

    Louise

    ‘I have to make all the decisions on when to meet, where to meet, what to eat and keep the communication alive. ”

    I married a guy like that, it’s bloody hard work, so unless you want to be ‘in charge’ the whole time, I’d move on.

    #744608 Reply

    Emma

    Is he on the spectrum by chance?

    #744627 Reply

    Lil

    Being an introvert doesn’t mean we are hermits unable to take a single decision. I’m an introvert too and even though I hate small talk and do not start all my texts with “Hello” and never, never call people, I’m still able to pick up my phone and initiate with my friends / boyfriend using texts to make plans to see them. And I take decisions about when, how, where…
    The problem is not his introvert side. He doesn’t sound really interested. Sounds more like he’s going with the flow and whatever happens, happens. If he really wanted you, he would chase you. In his own clumsy way, but he would do it.

    #744629 Reply

    Crisula

    Being an introvert is fine…nothing wrong with it

    But I think he has other issues going on. He sounds socially inept

    #744652 Reply

    Annie

    He likes me for sure, he drove two hours to meet me for dinner even he hates driving. I am not sure if he is on the spectrum but he is extremely smart intellectually. I am not sure that I can live with his communication skills and his lack of interest in exploring the world with me is totally a turnoff. Maybe there is no such thing as a perfect man, I just have to see how much I can tolerate his introvert personality.

    #744658 Reply

    Tia

    What does he like…?

    #744666 Reply

    Lane

    Agree with others…why on earth are you dating this guy? Of course no one is perfect but geesh you have to at least have some common interests which includes a man wanting to show you his world (hobbies, friends, family, etc.)—does he have one?

    #744691 Reply

    Annie

    I have no idea why I’m still with him, originally, his politeness attracts me and he is very softspoken. I am loud and extremely outgoing, I thought I could use someone like him to balance me out a little bit. However, the more I know him, the more I think that there is no way that I can be happy with someone who is totally opposite of me. He is highly educated and has a decent job, no bad habits and very honest. On paper, he is a perfect guy, but he is very quiet and can’t start a conversation unless you ask him a direct question. Sometimes I feel that I was talking to myself while trying to tell him something. Aren’t your partner supposed to be your best friend? I am not sure if we are even friends because we can’t communicate at all.

    #744698 Reply

    T from NY

    He does not sound interested – whether he’s an introvert or not. That’s just the plain truth of it. Stop initiating texts. See what happens.

    #744697 Reply

    T from NY

    He does sound interested – whether he’s an introvert or not.
    That’s just the plain truth of it. Stop texting. See what happens.

    #744772 Reply

    Louise

    Stephen is describing my marriage but I’m borderline extroverted! Run away from your boring guy!

    #744773 Reply

    Annie

    Thanks, everyone! I have stopped texting him and just let it be. We are on schedule for another date, I may just cancel it to save myself some time. As an extrovert, I do have a good amount of energy and I don’t mind to be the organizer of the relationship, however, the feeling of unequal contribution to the relationship is something that I cannot accept. There is only so much “deep conversations” that I have with a person, doing things together is a form of bonding and if he doesn’t get that then what is the point of continuing this relationship?

    #744790 Reply

    Annie

    I have no clue what he is looking for in a relationship because his deep talks don’t really cover his future plans. Don’t get me wrong, I did my investment into this relationship too, but I am at the point where I feel that I have to tolerate his “introvert traits” if I want to continue going forward with him. How hard it is just to text me and ask “how was your day?” or “what food do you like to eat”? Seriously, I spent hours discussing deep issues with him and he was making a face when I made him exploring things with me for 30 minutes. His “me time” is extremely annoying, as an introvert or an extrovert, no one has an unlimited amount of energy, if his “me time” is that important, then he can spend the rest of his life by himself.

    Ending a relationship is not easy but I don’t want to spend the rest of my life in marriage counseling.

    #744793 Reply

    lala

    he sounds like a self absorbed a**hole trying to pass himself off as an introvert. You can do better!!

    #744822 Reply

    Annie

    Stephen, I know what you mean, I already tried my best to work with his introvert side but at certain point it just doesn’t make sense to continue. He is a nice person just very selfish with his time and his words. The breakup will be hard on him, I need to be careful because introverts people can be very sensitive.

    #744826 Reply

    Newbie

    Yeah he doesnt sound like an introvert to me, but extremely passive and not a lot seems to exite him. If you cant handle it, its like dragging a dead horse

    #745041 Reply

    Annie

    This is a very good lesson for me, opposites are sometimes impossible to be together.

    I just texted him and let him know that I can’t date him anymore due to our opposite personalities, he replied that he didn’t understand why I think like that as he thoughts everything was fine between us. He also said that he really enjoys my “fun and outgoing personality” and he is hoping that I would continue to see him. OMG, the guy is clueless and he is in his mid 30’s.

    #745164 Reply

    Alexis

    Sounds EXACTLY like my boyfriend. Does not initiate conversation, I do all the planning. He seems lukewarm, yet he’s great when we are spending time together. Maybe we’re seeing the same guy LOL. Does his name start with a B?

    #745165 Reply

    Jen

    Does he have a hectic work schedule? Kids? Could it be he might have a steady girlfriend?

    #745168 Reply

    Annie

    Alexis, no we are not seeing the same guy, that I can promise. You wouldn’t last with his communication skills!

    Jen, he works the night shift so he sleeps during the day. Never married, so no kids, he is nerdy and just super zen. Like I said, he is just a strange person, honest, but strange. Sometimes I was wondering why these people even engage in dating as they seem to be doing fine with their introverted lifestyle. My friends think that I am picky and he seems to be a great guy to them. However, if I marry him, I can see myself living in a very lonely life since he doesn’t seem to be interested in anything! His life is work, gym, and home……he doesn’t like to travel or hangout with friends or even just take a walk with me (unless I pull his teeth out).

    When we plan to go out for dinner, he just tell me to pick the restaurant, at the restaurant he asks me what to order! He would put meat into by plate without asking for my permission. If I tried to do small talk like “how was work today?” he would just smiles and says “fine” until I bring up something like “why do you think people love money and power?” then he would go on and on and on for hours on his theories about human beings. OMG, what the heck did I get myself into? ZERO romantic, no normal conversations, he doesn’t talk about future or past or even present. Maybe he is a robot?

    #745174 Reply

    Raven

    Sounds like maybe he’s on the Autism Spectrum…

    #745182 Reply

    Annie

    Raven, if that is the case then I am a horrible person. Autism is beyond someone’s control, so I can’t just dump him because of his disability. How can I be sure that he has autism?

    #745184 Reply

    Raven

    You don’t dump him cos he’s on the spectrum, you break up with him cos you’re not compatible…

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